MIL buying pink stuff

[Quodlibet]

Context: DD is 2. MIL is very generous and likes buying clothes etc for her (first grandchild), which I am grateful for. She usually asks if there's anything we need for DD, and mostly has good taste. She also happily buys anything we point out or send her a link to which I am really appreciative of. If left to her own devices she would shop for England and buy us far far more than we possibly need, which we've had to keep in check before as we honestly don't want or need or have room for too much stuff. She has two boys so a girl is a novelty which she is clearly excited about.

I've spent a lot of effort avoiding the pinkification, partly because I can't stand all the pink/blue segregation, partly because I'd rather have unisex clothes that might work for a second child of either sex. I've said lots of times in front of mil that this is how I feel.

However, more recently, she's ONLY been buying us pink stuff. She turns up with eg a coat (I've previously said no please don't buy her any more coats; she has 4 unworn in the drawer two of which you bought her already), and then says 'they only had pink ones left'. Ok, well my thought is: if they only have pink ones left, leave it in the shop. Today she went shopping for pjs for DD (having asked if she was in need of anything, DP said yes please, pjs) and once again, all they had in Central London was these bright pink ones. Bright pink stuff for Xmas. Multipack of pink and white tops earlier in the year (which I just dropped off with the local Salvation Army who collect kids stuff for families who need it).

It's getting frustrating, and I am not sure how to broach it. On one hand I know IABU to turn down gifts, but on the other hand it feels like she is disregarding my wishes on the subject on purpose. As DD gets to an age when she's going to start inevitably getting exposed to the 'pink is for girls' shit at nursery, I'm trying to old back the tide as long as possible. There's only so much quiet giving stuff away I can do without her noticing.

Can I /how do I broach it with MiL? I've asked DP to as he feels the same as me, but he hasn't and probably won't.

[Littlef00t]

Op, assuming mil will never give cash, just get into the habit of ebaying or getting a refund. Extra cash or vouchers will always come in useful.

[achildsjoy]

I think people take this pink issue waayyy to seriously. I'm not a massive fan of pink my self and it didn't really suit my daughters skin tone however we had a mixture of all colours and variety of clothes, some passed down from her older brother and she would occasionally wear pink, we had some gorgeous expensive emile et rose stuff given to us. Anything we didn't really like was just used for play time/nursery or when visiting said relatives. I think it is a non issue, everything in moderation and all that.

[achildsjoy]

Although one thing I do draw the line at is slogans

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

dodo that's great

OP - I get it. I don't have the same issue but I get the dislike of overly frilly, sparkly "girly" clothes. partly because you can't just stick them in the tumbledrier In the same way I also dislike the sea of brown and khaki for boys clothes. Dullsville.

Frankly it's expensive to shop for children's clothes with the retailers who offer a more unisex collection whether you can afford it or not. All I can suggest is that you rave about the lovely Boden stuff or whoever floats your boat and hope that the volume reduces slightly.

[EponasWildDaughter]

OP, if i were you i'd lve to see you re-post a new thread in a couple of days and saying simply these bits from your last post:

There are more baby clothes in the world than we could ever use and yet people keep buying more. So many of these things end up barely worn. There is so much plastic tat in the world that is barely played with and filling our houses up. I don't think people's desire to make a nice gesture/love of shopping should come before our responsibility to safeguard the future of our planet by cutting down on this over consumption and waste.

I have asked [a family member] not to buy stuff. I have shown her the drawer full of stuff that DD is not yet wearing, including the 4 coats, and said, she really doesn't need any more clothes. Especially not another coat. [She] then buys a coat. I then have to either reject the gesture - I expect DP to do this once every while but he never does - or send it back.

I'd be really interested in the responses here without the pink issue/MIL issue taking over.

[Quodlibet]

Eponas yes very insightful. The words 'pink' or 'MIL' in AIBU are not particularly conducive to the progression of a reasoned, thoughtful debate I've discovered....

[gandalf456]

Are you thinking of the planet , though, or do you just not know what to do with all the stuff? I think it is a case of you don't know how to tell her more firmly because you don't want to hurt her feelings and you are worried you'll explode. I get that. And I'm very bad at that too.

[Lottie2611]

She's a little girl. She's allowed to wear pink.

[Quodlibet]

Gandalf no, we are very conscious of what we buy and trying not to consume more than we need. Not something that's particularly on MiL's radar - when she isn't shopping she's either on a cruise ship or needlessly double bagging everything in new plastic bags.

I'm also sick of being the bad guy - DP feels exactly the same as me but won't oppose his mum, meaning I look like the ungrateful one.

[Vintage45]

Nothing wrong with pink for a girl and blue for a boy whatsoever.

[ouryve]

Nothing wrong with yellow for a girl and orange for a boy, either, Vintage.

[lookoutitsapiano]

Your getting given free stuff for your healthy baby daughter by her loving Grandma... Things could be worse.

[lookoutitsapiano]

you're*

[gandalf456]

I guess if you are charity shopping them, they're not going to waste but, as you say, she'll ask where is such and such. Also you can't justify buying her stuff from you if you're being inundated with stuff from her. Hmmm. Could you say something like it's really sweet of you but she's growing so quickly now or she's getting fussy and tantrum y about clothes (which they do) and it would be easier to choose them yourselves? It does sounds as if she's picked up on your opposing views and is making a point. I'm not sure how you can stop that really because you're not going to change your views and she's not going to change hers. It's a tricky 1

[Caprinihahahaha]

There is every danger of your making a massive mountain out of a molehill.

Just let it go. Controlling what your mil buys for your DD is unnecessary and it's a bit like ownership.

If you want a daughter who rejects the pinkification of girls you are far more likely to achieve that by letting her associate pink with clothes her grandmother chooses. Turning it into a pissing contest will just create tension.

Let grandma chose pink stuff. Its not a big deal. Unless you think your DD is getting such a weak steer from you that a bit of pink from her granny will make her grow up a ninny.

[Headofthehive55]

What's wrong with pink? Do you have issues over other colours? I'm not keen on black myself.

Completely bemused by the whole hatred of pink. Is it any pink that's a problem? Salmon pink? Raspberry? Maroon? I see many many colours that are pink - ish.

[Inkymess]

I get it - I hated pink - family insisted on buying it and other impractical stuff. It was such a waste. It made my DD look ill. Luckily by 2 my DD flatly refused to wear anything but blue yellow and green 😁😁😁

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I sometimes think the anti-pink, anti-gender sterotyping obsession is a bit of a contradiction in itself. To me it seems to send the message that being female is somehow less desirable than being male

I agree "Gender neutral " doesn't really mean clothes girls and boys can wear- but clothes which are for boys.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

Why do we never hear from MIL on these threads? There must be some guilty of this?

[CheshireChat]

Well it would annoy me as well OP. I'm not sure how I'd approach this, but whenever my DS got given something I didn't I used it for messing around the house and he soon outgrew them. Also the surestart near me took unneeded stuff and passed them on.

[CheshireChat]

I didn't like obviously.

[FastWindow]

I dont like pink or dolls. Never have. I liked dirt and trees and cars. I have a sister who was girly as a child, liked Sindy, etc.

Her girl is mad on Disney, likes dolls , pink, glittery shit.

My girl likes frozen, pink, dolls, baby stuff.

Doesnt get it from me. Ive been avoiding that stuff. Must be her own tastes. She's 2.

[Headofthehive55]

I really dislike the way clothes that are for girls are looked down upon.

I like what greenish said.

Why would you be lucky if your child wanted to wear yellow or green?

[NerrSnerr]

The title of the thread was 'mil buying pink stuff'. That's why people have focused on the mil and the pink bit! I also wonder if the op thinks it isn't conducive to a reasoned debate because a lot of posters don't agree?

[merseyside]

Same here. I don't really like pink but DD was constantly in it as a baby as everyone bought pink.

I didn't care enough to send it back - it's a colour, no big deal

Now she's three and won't wear it if it's not pink. I buy darkish pink for her and patterns with a bit of pink in and we're both happy.

I think you need to unclench