MIL buying pink stuff

[Quodlibet]

Context: DD is 2. MIL is very generous and likes buying clothes etc for her (first grandchild), which I am grateful for. She usually asks if there's anything we need for DD, and mostly has good taste. She also happily buys anything we point out or send her a link to which I am really appreciative of. If left to her own devices she would shop for England and buy us far far more than we possibly need, which we've had to keep in check before as we honestly don't want or need or have room for too much stuff. She has two boys so a girl is a novelty which she is clearly excited about.

I've spent a lot of effort avoiding the pinkification, partly because I can't stand all the pink/blue segregation, partly because I'd rather have unisex clothes that might work for a second child of either sex. I've said lots of times in front of mil that this is how I feel.

However, more recently, she's ONLY been buying us pink stuff. She turns up with eg a coat (I've previously said no please don't buy her any more coats; she has 4 unworn in the drawer two of which you bought her already), and then says 'they only had pink ones left'. Ok, well my thought is: if they only have pink ones left, leave it in the shop. Today she went shopping for pjs for DD (having asked if she was in need of anything, DP said yes please, pjs) and once again, all they had in Central London was these bright pink ones. Bright pink stuff for Xmas. Multipack of pink and white tops earlier in the year (which I just dropped off with the local Salvation Army who collect kids stuff for families who need it).

It's getting frustrating, and I am not sure how to broach it. On one hand I know IABU to turn down gifts, but on the other hand it feels like she is disregarding my wishes on the subject on purpose. As DD gets to an age when she's going to start inevitably getting exposed to the 'pink is for girls' shit at nursery, I'm trying to old back the tide as long as possible. There's only so much quiet giving stuff away I can do without her noticing.

Can I /how do I broach it with MiL? I've asked DP to as he feels the same as me, but he hasn't and probably won't.

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Interesting. I see there is a comment telling the blogger she has got it all wrong.

There is no “thing” in our brain that makes us like pink or shiny shit

Which rather proves the blogger's point. Why does pink and shiny = shit?

[gandalf456]

www.mumsnet.com/bloggers/blog-of-the-day

[Switchitup]

If you're happy enough for your mil to clothe your child for you then I think you have to accept her choosing what she wants.

The simple answer is to say no thank you she doesn't need anything and then buy what you want yourself.

[stargirl1701]

I get you OP. We are trying to follow the #zerowaste lifestyle of Refuse, Reuse, Reduce, Recycle.

We try to buy ethical wooden toys second hand as part of that. We want to avoid buying new to reduce consumption and then, if a toy breaks beyond repair, it can be composted. This is considered unusual by family and friends.

We have dressed both DDs in a range of colours. I don't have an issue with pink as such but every piece of clothing was not going to be the same colour. DD1 is 3.5 years and hasn't asked for pink stuff yet but I suspect that is because she hasn't gone to nursery.

Family are not too bad. MIL happily knits clothes and toys for the girls. My Dad prefers to pop money into their accounts than gifts although he refurbished the family doll house as a gift last Christmas.

Once a gift is given, it's up to you what you do with it. It's depressing to have to charity shop stuff constantly but it does reflect the consumer led society we live in. I will keep stuff if it's practical and comfortable for playing in regardless of colour. Duplicates are returned, if possible.

[HPsauciness]

I know someone who dressed their younger girl in all the older boy's clothes, didn't buy anything new at all. It was a little disconcerting, because the boys clothes are quite gendered, not really neutral at all. I did prefer my girls to wear more girly clothes than that, not necessarily in pink, but they wore dresses and tights and skirts as well as trousers. I don't actually want gender neutral clothing, I don't wear it as an adult!

I did wear gender neutral clothing as a child though, no logos, no pretty bits on the dungarees, all brown, green, red with a plain bowl haircut. But I was massively jealous of girls in pink and frilly dresses with long hair and wanted to look like that, and as an adult, have always looked overtly conventionally feminine. I'm not sure you always get what you wish for if you try to manipulate your children's identity through clothing!

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

And the more we buy it the more the shops will stock it


No likely - their profits will drop !!

[PacificDogwod]

And the more we buy it the more the shops will stock it.

Amen to that.

[PacificDogwod]

Ha! My boys were all in brandnew girls' tights (as baby socks are so useless at staying on). They have not caught the gay (well, there is time yet for one of them to come out).

But it is true, even a green t-shirt will have other subtle hints at whether it is meant to be for a girl or a boy: ruffles, fluted sleeves, tractor on front, whatever.

'Tis silly to the extreme and I do believe is part of a wider societal pressure to 'other' the opposite gender, but it is a tiny part of it. Worthwhile challenging IMO, however family relationships are for me more important in day to day life tbh.

I see this thread has developed in the expected manner

[drspouse]

I've never in real life ever met anyone who puts their so. In their daughters old clothes or vice versa, regardless of the colour.

Not a single item of clothing? Not even white newborn vests and babygrows? Or plain blue/red coats? Plain trousers or tops? Lovely hand knitted aran jumpers from Granny? Navy puddle suits or snow suits? You must know a lot of people with money to burn for vast new wardrobes of clothes.

I put DS, who is the older, in hand me downs from girls and in clothes from the girls' section, which included pink but also bright colours, and leggings in a variety of colours (he loves leggings, they are so easy to put on and comfortable, but they don't sell them in the boys section). Does this count?

And I tried to buy mainly clothes for DS that I'd be happy to put on a girl, which was fortunate as we now have DD as well. 90% of DD's clothes were DS's though I feel mean not buying anything of her own (as I would if she were also a boy) so I buy her a few cute things to add in. So if you'd like to arrange a coffee date, I can show you their wardrobes, and you'll have met me.

Today DS is wearing grey spotty leggings from H&M girls section, an orange spider top from Cath Kidston sale, a hand me down blue and green fleece top that is probably from the boy's section at Sainsbury's and red Kickers via Ebay that I suspect are technically girls as they had a flower on before it fell off.

DD is wearing blue and white striped Osh Kosh overalls, a grey long sleeved vest, and a jumper that a friend kindly hand knitted in shades of blue, green, yellow and pink. The jumper is new to her but the others were DS'.

[Quodlibet]

Believe it or not Hurrah (and others) you CAN buy clothes which are not son clothes or daughter clothes - they are just nice, colourful clothes for children of either sex.

Given the choice, would I rather have a) the red duffel coat which would see me through another child of either sex or b) the bright pink ruched coat which is very clearly gendered for a girl?

For various reasons I've already elaborated, including not wanting to have to buy everything twice, it's a) for me every time.

You do have to look a bit harder for this stuff and not just shop on default and claim there's nothing that's not pink/blue/gendered - there is. And the more we buy it the more the shops will stock it.

[Hurrayitsnotdark]

It's pink, it's really not poison, just let smile and honestly, I've never in real life ever met anyone who puts their so. In their daughters old clothes or vice versa, regardless of the colour.

[Sallyhasleftthebuilding]

I have boys and girls - all the dark colours on boys look harsh - navy rust dark green just doesn't suit most babies -

Pink has been over used - go in any toy store and its over run with Barbie pink - enough to give me a headache!!

DD have never chosen pink - DD had a navy warm winter boys coat - even with pigtails she was mistaken for a boy -

I think pink has been over marketed for girls and has an association of a certain type of girl - princessy rather than just an every day a "girl"

[SchnitzelVonKrumm]

I've said before, having had a DS after two DDs, that gender stereotyping of boys is at least as bad as for girls, with an even narrower range of clothes to choose from. Basically you can have camouflage, dinosaurs, skulls (wtf?) or sharks. Or a nasty nylon football shirt.

[PacificDogwod]

x-post, drspouse

[PacificDogwod]

I agree SheSparkles no one complains about blue being for boys or boys wearing blue. Gender neutral would mean either sex wear either or both - but it's always pink on girls that is slated

I don't think that's true - there have been threads (and I have moaned about it in RL) about nothing but navy blue and khaki +/- trucks/dinosaurs/monsters for boys.
Clothing is ridiculously gendered from the very youngest of ages and it does piss me off (mother of 4 boys here - I am not a very 'pink' or 'frilly' woman myself as it happens, but I had not desire to dress my babies as if they were ready to go to war or start work on a construction site tomorrow ).

I do think the whole colour thing goes both ways - and I like pink. Just as I like blue, but I'd like to have a choice rather than having one or the other rammed down my throat when looking for baby/children's clothing.

[drspouse]

I wanted to avoid all brown/sludge/baby blue for our DS too (and I would never put either DC in camouflage, not even pink/purple camouflage!).

The boys' section of some stores is almost as boring as the girls' section.

[Blu]

Actually I have seen many threads on MN asking about good alternatives for boys that aren't camouflage, or with slogans like 'cheeky monkey' or 'terror' (both of which I pro-actively avoided).

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

I agree SheSparkles no one complains about blue being for boys or boys wearing blue. Gender neutral would mean either sex wear either or both - but it's always pink on girls that is slated.

[SheSparkles]

No medals wanted or needed here thanks, but to see people getting so wound up about a colour is laughable- I never see the same navel gazing about any colour other than pink. Why not get upset about blue or green-these have traditionally been seen as "boys'" colours....
I'm no feminist, I'm an equalist (if such a word exists), I don't see myself or any other female as being anything other than equal to any other person, male or female. To be so wound up about what colour clothes are, or more to the point, are not, weakens any argument for equality in my opinion

[merseyside]

What do want SheSparkles, a medal?

Denigrating the OP because you had "worse" problems isn't on. She could also be dealing with those things, but this isn't a thread about that.

Catch on to yourself

[SheSparkles]

I just wish I'd had the OP's problems when my children were small, but I was dealing with an alcoholic MIL and my mum having early onset Alzheimer's.

For the record ds wore plenty of his sister's pink and girls pjs etc and doesn't appear to have caught the gay. And if he did I wouldn't care anyway. Some of you really need to catch on and listen to yourselves

[Headofthehive55]

Colour is not.

[Headofthehive55]

Fab article! I think when you have more than one daughter you see them in terms of their individual likes, not just what a girl would like. Because girls are individuals.

Come to think of it...my son actually has a pink bedroom. colours not a big issue in my house. Hate logos though.

[PacificDogwod]

OMG, that article says so much I have struggled to articulate in RL - thank you for linking, Bunny.

I think one of the problems of this thread is that there are so many aspects to the OP and depending on where we all are in our lives, we jumped on to whatever we identified or struggled with: the whole pink thing, overreaching MiL, doting grandmother, DH who is staying out of it et etc.

My DS1 is about to turn 13 and used to love pink as a toddler. That phase passed, but he is just rediscovering it

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Great article. Thanks for sharing.