Children's furniture argument

[Squashybanana]

Is my DH BU? I think he is.

My 5 year old DD's old toddler bed broke at the weekend. Tomorrow is my day off so I am going shopping for a new bed for her. DD is rather stereotypical in her 5 year old likes and loves princesses, love hearts, jewels etc. Her bedroom has white walls and pink, white and lilac bedding and curtains.

In my mental list I considered:

• It needs to last beyond her girly phase so I am not buying anything pink or lovehearted or a 'princess bed' which would be her heart's desire.

• However I do want her to be excited about her new big girl bed so I was going for something quite 'pretty' like a white metal framed bed with some curves on it which would still be suitable for the teenaged girl she will become

• This will also go with the decor of the room.

I mentioned to my DH that I was going to buy the bed tomorrow and was this OK (meaning, is it OK for me to spend the money tomorrow) and he said 'Yes, but I don't like white or girly. Get her a black or silver bed frame.'

I think this is unfair. His reasons are, he is contributing to paying so he should get a say and he doesn't like girly beds. My argument is, I am not buying a bed for him, it's for her, and whilst I will have due regard to the longevity of the bed and not go over the top with lovehearts etc, I don't want to buy something solely utilitarian (as all the silver beds seem to be) as she is all excited about her first big girl bed. I don't think he's considering her. He says 'guests may have to sleep in it' and I say 'Maybe once a year for a couple of nights, and I think they could manage a white bed'.

He says I can't just overrule him, to which I respond that he is just vetoing something based on reasons I disagree with, and is effectively overruling me.

Anyway in the end he said huffily 'just buy whatever bed you want' and has gone out (this was scheduled, he's not gone in a strop), but now I feel like if I do buy the bed I had planned I will feel all guilty.

Am I unreasonable to think that when you are buying a piece of furniture for a family member you consider their likes, tastes, room decor etc rather than choosing a bed that you would yourself want to sleep in? Or is his desire to have his opinion listened to and followed perfectly reasonable? have made some compromises as I originally suggested a daybed with trundle which he vetoed as he doesn't like them either, so as far as I'm concerned I have alreday taken his opinions and views into account!

We have a cream metal bed for us, a cream metal day bed for one spare room and a white metal bed for other spare room. Nothing girly about any of them. YANBU

Tell him if he wants a black or silver bed then he can buy one, for himself.

What's all this "overrule" bullshit he is on about? Does he imagine he is the Lord Dictator of All Family Decisions and must never be disagreed with, you lowly woman you?

Ignore him completely and buy your daughter a nice but long lasting bed. Sensible, reasonable decision. He is a twat.

I think given you over rules your DDs choice, he's only doing the same.

It's her bed, let her choose herself. Just tell her she has to live with it for the next five years or so.

I would go with white with a trundle and then get some nice girly bedding which can then be changed as she grows up, in fact that is exactly what my 5yo DD has (Flexa bed)

Get the white. Hammerite spray is cheap as chips if she decides to cultivate the emo look as a teen.

So, you're buying a bed for your 5yo DD. Do you

a) buy her the bed that she will like?

b) buy her the bed that your DH wants?

It's a no-brainer really, isn't it? Neither of those options are buying 'whatever bed you want' (as he erroneously put it) and the only option that takes into account the person whose bed it will be is a).

And another thing - what a pillock

Ignore him.

But if you want a bed to cover all taste bases for the next 15 years, go for lilac.

Suits girly, Goth, tomboyish yadda yadda.

Ha Autumn, Touche!

However, DD will still love the bed I would choose, and not the one DH, given the job himself would. I am open to a degree of compromise.

Given free reign DD would choose one of these:

m.ebay.co.uk/itm/391041499565

Well ... It's grey

I think you're both being silly and should take your DD to choose her own bed.

I like this one from IKEA. DS has it, it's lovely.

Hearts put it best.

I am bemused by this idea that a white bed isn't neutral enough for guests. WTF?

Btw DD1 has insisted on a cabin bed. She has a large bedroom, no need for one, plus I'm a shortarse and will struggle to change the sheets. I suggested a nice white metal bed as a compromise but DH told me I was shattering her dreams .

Guess who spent all of today building a cabin bed? Not DH, that's for sure.

That Cinderella carriage bed is silver...

How on earth is a white bed considered girly? I've just ordered white bunkbeds for my two boys (with a trundle)

Your dh is been weird, and making an issue out of nothing.

Ds2 (20) has just assured me he would love the princess castle bed

White is a classic - black or silver is so...80's. As a guest I would seriously question your taste with a silver or black bedframe. Is he someone with a passion for interior design? Otherwise just ignore him. He is being strange.

While you're shopping buy him a shirt you think is quite nice and he will think is hideous. You're buying it so you get to decide surely? He has to wear it until he agrees with you on the bed ...

Blankie - I love it! Would it be pushing my luck to text it to DH in the pub?

Stepaway - My God! You're right! Problem solved

Lemony I like that bed, it'd be my choice...but I think DD would prefer something a little 'curvier'!

Your DH needs to learn the difference between overruling and expressing an opinion and supporting it with facts. If anything the overruling factor here is your child's wishes, and I would hope he wouldn't get arsey about that. A guest who would object to sleeping in a white or pink bed in a child's room isn't a guest worth having.

Our daughter has one like this www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/property/pictures/6495683/10-of-the-best-day-beds.html?image=5

She has lots of cushions on it and uses it like a sofa when she has friends round.

I think Next do one like this too which I wish I had seen as we have a friend with one like this who says it handy for sleepovers.

www.ebay.co.uk/itm/2FT6-Paris-Day-Bed-optional-underbed-IVORY-or-BLACK-FREE-NEXT-DAY-DELIVERY-/261210995432

Nice cushions and bedding, fairy lights around the frame and your daughter will be quite happy I think!

We went for a cream painted bed, thought about one with hearts but didn't go with it in the end but have dressed it with lights etc. And DD loves it.

Sorry I wouldn't have black or silver for a girls room, in fact not sure I would have either for a boys room - ugly colours.

Your dh is bu but I came on to show you this

www.dunelm.com/product/metal-day-bed-1000013670?searchTerm=bed

I bought it for dd2 five years ago not expecting it to last and it's lovely and has lasted. She's 11 now. I've bought a new memory foam mattress lately and she loves it still. I think your dad would too and I'm impressed they still sell it and still at that price.

I'd go for a plainer white wooden frame like the Ikea one, metal ones always seem so uncomfy for sitting up and reading in, or using as a daybed with cushions. And update with bedding changes as others have said.

He's being utterly ridiculous. The bed is for a little girl who will grow into ... a bigger.

All his talk about being 'overruled' is also utterly ridiculous, as that is exactly what he was trying to do ... for no real reason other than he doesn't like girly beds. Good thing he won't have to sleep in it.

My daughter has a single white wooden bed frame with a flat headboard, sensible and nice, and any guest would be happy to sleep in it as it has a decent mattress, the most important part of any bed for adults!