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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Dreading this wedding

66 replies

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 13:34

My sil is getting married this June to her gf in a civil ceremony.

A lot of what she has planned is not too bad but I am dreading the reception.

She has chosen her local pub to host it. It's that small that 20 people in there and it's difficult to move around.

She's invited just over 100 people and is expecting most of them to attend.

Along with a disco and hog roast. There's no real outdoor area and everyone is going to be cramped in.

we have tried to persuade her to host else where and she's refused.

We can't not go but I know if we go and then leave after an hour, people will moan.

I can't even sit in the corner and have a drink and try to relax a little as its on a main road and we have my two children with us.

I am seriously dreading it.

How can I manage it

OP posts:

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 15:22

I'll have to find out how many the pub can actually hold. It is a tiny pub. I can't stress that much more. There is a maximum of 10 tables in there. That is it. There is no room for any more.

She knows we are fully on her side but yes she has been burying her head in the sand a lot lately.

Yes to new babysitters

Luckily it's not until the end of the year early next year they are planning to try and get pregnant so will make the most of it is

OP posts:

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 15:25

Sooooo, if I understand you correctly, SIL and her DP usually babysit for you, and you won't get a babysitter for one night to go to their wedding...?

Didn't say won't.
Said cant

I am going to try and get a paid baby sitter but I don't know where to start or how to go about it.
My family will NOT help.

We don't go out often. In 3 years I can say that my sil and her gf have baby sat my two over night twice.

They take my oldest out every other month and have a sleep over but that is because they offer. Not asked

OP posts:

plantsitter · 23/02/2016 15:27

I think Thumbwitch's idea is the best. Then you can put the kids to bed and party into the night!

lorelei9 · 23/02/2016 15:31

oh 10 tables? so potentially 10 tables for 80 guests?

that is horrible but it sounds okay in terms of official numbers, fire safety etc.

If the pub are planning to take the tables out and just have people standing and carrying those plates that you have when you are standing about, you know with the glass holder, that will make it less grim I suppose - though there will be a lot of people wanting to sit.

all very odd.

Rainatnight · 23/02/2016 15:33

You've got three months. That should be possible.

middlings · 23/02/2016 15:36

OP, are either of your children in childcare or pre-school? Ask one of the people who work there.

Otherwise sitters.co.uk is quite good and I find well vetted.

Regarding the pub, your SIL is being idiotic. Ask her if SHE wants to enjoy her day.

As for your MIL

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 15:39

I went to a wedding once where there was nowhere to sit. It was fucking grim. :(

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 15:41

Not quite sure where 80 comes from since these tables hold a maximum of 6 and that's a squeeze.2 each side. They are more suitable for 4. They are smallish tables.

No day care or child care. Will try sitters.

And yes my mil...let's not go there .

She's been told if we hear her slagging off gays around my children she will be down to supervised visits only and won't be left alone with the children.

If she wants to be homophobic that's her business but I do not for a second want my children to feel that gays are not "normal"

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 23/02/2016 15:43

OP, I was just guessing at 8 at the table.

In that case, wow, the pub manager seems like they are breaking fire safety. Eek.

DinosaursRoar · 23/02/2016 16:06

Honestly, there won't be 80-100 people, not everyone will come (it is very rare to get 100% acceptance to a wedding, other people have other stuff going on), and then when they get there, can't get anywhere near the bar, let alone served, people will start drifting off. I'd give it an hour, 2 max before the numbers are more managable. If you do decide to go home for a bit ("what a shame, DC1 split a drink on their clothes, had to pop home to change them, didn't think you'd miss us for half an hour!"), you could come back when it was calmer.

sitters.co.uk is good, or ask local other mums, many will have recommendations/know a nanny or nursery worker who'd be interested in some extra weekend cash.

(Re your DH being the sperm donor to your SIL's GF's baby, get some legal advice, you might find if he is the biological father and it's not an annonmous donation, there could be financial/legal ramafications - you need to realise this child won't be your DC's cousin but half-sibling, when the child grows up, they might well want to consider your DH as their Dad, not Uncle, get some legal advice and possibly talk it through with charities involved, it's not something to take lightly)

Original poster

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 16:13

I was waiting for someone to bring up legal issues with the donation

Don't worry there is a solicitor involved with contracts that dh signs where he requinshes all parental control etc etc

OP posts:

TendonQueen · 23/02/2016 19:06

Sitters.co.uk are good. My other suggestion would be to talk to friends with similar aged children about babysitting swaps. If you're at home with the kids, ask people at any toddler groups etc that you go to.

Re the venue, I'd look around for halls for hire that might still be free a bit further on when this all goes pear shaped, that you can suggest if they realise before the day what a squash it's going to be.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 22:53

Another plan - ask as many people as you can to e.g. a birthday party at said pub, well prior to the wedding (pref in the height of summer as well) so she can see just how uncomfortable it gets!

MidniteScribbler · 23/02/2016 23:00

I'd take the kids along for the ceremony part, then drop them back home with a paid babysitter so they're out of it, but you and your DH are still supporting SIL.

landrover · 24/02/2016 00:11

Get a babysitter, you have time

landrover · 24/02/2016 00:13

Nursery staff?

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