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Original poster

Dreading this wedding

66 replies

NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 13:34

My sil is getting married this June to her gf in a civil ceremony.

A lot of what she has planned is not too bad but I am dreading the reception.

She has chosen her local pub to host it. It's that small that 20 people in there and it's difficult to move around.

She's invited just over 100 people and is expecting most of them to attend.

Along with a disco and hog roast. There's no real outdoor area and everyone is going to be cramped in.

we have tried to persuade her to host else where and she's refused.

We can't not go but I know if we go and then leave after an hour, people will moan.

I can't even sit in the corner and have a drink and try to relax a little as its on a main road and we have my two children with us.

I am seriously dreading it.

How can I manage it

OP posts:
catsinthecraddle · 23/02/2016 14:17

If that hellish party does happen, make sure you use the lavatory of the ceremony (or somewhere on the way) before you get to the reception.

Your SIL and her gf are mad, no-one will have a good time.

Rainatnight · 23/02/2016 14:20

Reading between the lines, am I right in guessing that her parents won't come to the wedding? Ie that's why your DH is giving her away?

If that's the case, then please please don't slope off early. It's miserable at gay weddings when there are problems in the family - they need all the help they can get.

I know the venue sounds difficult. Could you get childcare for later in the day/evening?

thebiscuitindustry · 23/02/2016 14:20

At the moment the plan is to show out faces for an hour, let them get photos etc and then mention that the kids are getting cranky being in a place that is too busy and we are going to go.

If that's the plan, I'd say so to your SIL now. Then it's up to her whether she changes the venue because of it, and you won't be leaving unexpectedly on the day.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 14:26

Reading between the lines, am I right in guessing that her parents won't come to the wedding? Ie that's why your DH is giving her away?

Yes your right here. My MIL is fuming they are getting married and are even going to have a baby later on this year. My dh is going to be the sperm donor for the girlfriend so that they are all related.

Mil is not only fuming but disgusted aswell which is why we are trying to be as supportive as possible.

We have told her that it's not the ideal place to have a reception and we won't be able to stay long but it's flying over her head.

The gf wants to move it but sil is not listening. That's their issue and their problem though

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 23/02/2016 14:28

I really hope you can reconsider. It sounds like you're being very supportive of them already. But I really hope you can find a way not to leave their wedding after an hour. Can you see how important it will be for them to have you there?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 14:30

Sounds horrendous. :(
The pub woman sounds very, um, blasé about it too - it can't be allowed for her to have that many people inside! Is there no area outside to set up some kind of shelter, marquee, tent, caravan even? No carpark that could be commandeered? I just can't even imagine how to fit that many people into a space where 20 would make it crowded, it's mad!

Why is SIL so set on this one place? Does anyone know?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 14:32

How I would think about managing it from a personal point of view is maybe by having a caravan or similar, so that your children could get a break from the crowds and have a play/sit down/sleep/watch tv for a bit - would that be an option? Are there likely to be many more children there?

figureofspeech · 23/02/2016 14:35

Report the pub and in the meantime discretely look for a larger venue as alternative. It doesn't have to be a fancy place, a community hall will do with a bit of outdoor space for kids and smokers.

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 14:38

No carpark, no where to put a tent or marquee. Luckily it's near town so we can come at worst case, come home (we live about 10 mins from the pub) and go back.

Her reason being for needing it at this pub..."people will struggle to find it if we hold it anywhere else" Hmm

It's not that big a town.

No money issues. In fact they are very well off. She's just that determined to do it her way. Which yes she has every right to. But it's HER way not their way. It's causing a few arguments between them. However that's not my point here

OP posts:
looki · 23/02/2016 14:38

Just go along and stay for awhile. Don't make too much of a fuss now as then when you leave early, it will all look a bit contrived and petty.

Its her day, let her do it her way.

pictish · 23/02/2016 14:39

Well...you've made your opinion known so that's that. It won't come as a surprise to her when you leave early. I think it sounds like my idea of personal hell...but it's her wedding and as you can see, she is set on having her reception in that particular pub.
See how it goes...if it's horrendous just do the essentials then leave.

looki · 23/02/2016 14:41

Report the pub and in the meantime discretely look for a larger venue as alternative. It doesn't have to be a fancy place, a community hall will do with a bit of outdoor space for kids and smokers.

Please do not take the advice above. It is really not your place to do anything of the sort. Let those getting married do it their way and just go along with it. If you live so close to the pub, is it really such an issue for you to run home and back again if you need to?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 14:43

Oh if you live that close, then I would definitely go home! Leave DH there, take the children home invite anyone else who needs a break!}

I don't suppose you have a nice big garden or anything, do you?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 14:43

Blush - strikeout fail!

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 14:45

We do have a big garden actually Grin

OP posts:
pictish · 23/02/2016 14:47

Report the pub, I ask you! Confused Grin

FoolsAndJesters · 23/02/2016 14:51

Why don't you and your DH go and leave the kids with a babysitter if that's possible. It might be good fun if you are not worrying about the kids

MaxPepsi · 23/02/2016 14:53

Lets hope that no one is an off duty fireman!

DH is very laid back, but not when it comes to flouting the fire regulations.

He's been to events before now, whilst off duty, which have been overcrowded or had fire exits blocked/chained up and he's promptly rung the nearest fire station, got the shift on duty to come out and got them closed down!

Original poster
NeedACleverNN · 23/02/2016 14:56

Why don't you and your DH go and leave the kids with a babysitter if that's possible. It might be good fun if you are not worrying about the kids

No babysitter Sad

Sil and gf are our baby sitters

My mil occasionally had my oldest but never had my youngest. Youngest is a bit too young for her. She's quite old for a mil so finds 3 year old much easier than 1 year old. Plus it's on a night that she goes out drinking and if she knows it's so we can go to wedding she will refuse for that point alone.

My mum is an option but again chances of not happening as she has a 3 year old of her own and no real room to have two more under 5.

Unless we pay for a baby sitter that night, it's just not possible

OP posts:
lorelei9 · 23/02/2016 15:11

I am a bit stunned by this

It doesn't sound like it fits with fire safety but also loads of people will hate it and go home.

I would honestly talk to her. And to be honest, more than that, I would say if you can't cope and feel you can't subject your kids to it. It is obvious that you are supportive of the marriage generally so they should see sense?

is there any way you can lurk outside under pretext of supervising while the kids run around? this is just mad.

JeanneDeMontbaston · 23/02/2016 15:12

That sounds really tough. It sounds as if maybe she is panicking, what with family disapproving, and has just put her head in the sand?

That said - are you sure the pub's capacity is actually 20? That would be extremely tiny! Pubs feel really full when they're not. So I do wonder if it is as bad as you believe, especially given there is some outside space, even if it's not as nice as you would like.

Given there's a few months until the wedding, I'd be inclined to start off by making it clear to her that you and your DH are on her side, without getting into the plans for the wedding. Maybe once she really sees you're not criticising because you don't support her, she'll be more amenable to suggestions about the venue!

JeanneDeMontbaston · 23/02/2016 15:13

Oh, and you definitely need to find a new babysitter if she's planning children! Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 15:16

Soooooo - you don't fancy offering up your garden as an alternative venue then, eh? Someone could be on duty to do beer runs to the pub... Grin

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 23/02/2016 15:18

Just had a thought - but it's probably against all sorts of licensing laws - you know those mobile coffee vans, wouldn't it be good if pub landlords could run mobile beer vans? For just such occasions as these (Now you'll all tell me they already do, of course)

Rainatnight · 23/02/2016 15:21

Sooooo, if I understand you correctly, SIL and her DP usually babysit for you, and you won't get a babysitter for one night to go to their wedding...?

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