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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To really want a fuss for my first mothers day.

85 replies

Picnic2223 · 22/02/2016 18:26

Hi,
This year will be my first mothers day abd I really want a bit of a fuss.

I'm not sure my DH will pull out any stops as his mum only gets a card if I buy it.

Aibu to remind him about it or maybe ask a friend to have a word.

I'm not talking about a bit present just a nice family day with the baby.

OP posts:

NickyEds · 22/02/2016 20:51

Of course you should tell your dh what you would like! I had a lovely first Mother's Day- some pressies, a bunch of Daffs, lunch with a glass of Prosecco and a nice long walk. Ds was 3 months old so had absolutely nothing to do with it! I don't care- I had a lovely time.
I can't remember what I did on my second, last year. I was pregnant and grumpy!
This year I have a 2 year old ds and dd will be 8 months. I'm going to have a long lunch and watch my favourite jazz band. Without my children.
I make a fuss of dp on Fathers' Day too.

Wardrobespierre · 22/02/2016 20:51

I am not DH's mother. It's not a matter for agreement even if I do live in Norfolk . Other people might think their partners should do stuff for them on Hallmark Day but I'd find it positively weird.

pollyblack · 22/02/2016 20:52

I spelled out what i wanted my first mothers day- nothing fancy breakfast in bed, bunch of flowers or card- got nothing. Luckily fathers day is after mothers day so i did nothing for fathers day and he was gutted and couldn't believe it. I explained you reap what you sow and if he wants any special treatment or spoiling on fathers day he better put a bit of effort in for mothers day. I know i'm not his mother, but we don't have mothers ourselves so I'm the mother of the family!

araminem · 22/02/2016 20:56

I was like you last year as well. So I told my DH that for some reason Mother's Day was starting to feel really important to me that year and spelled out what I wanted (a nice day with my DH and DS) so we went out for brunch and then just pottered about. But I agree: spell it out clearly and then you are less likely to be disappointed.

Nicknamegrief · 22/02/2016 20:57

I agree with the whole 'you are not your DH's Mother'. The real beauty in it is when your child/children do something of their own accord.

My eldest is 11 and my DH was away so he asked a family friend to get me chocolates and flowers with all their collective money and got all of them to make cards for me.

It Was far better than anything my DH could have ever done and the cards have spent the last year on my bookcase.

MrsHathaway · 22/02/2016 20:59

He's not getting something for his girlfriend: he's helping his child to get something for her mother, because she isn't capable of doing so herself.

I won't buy a father's day present on behalf of the DC once they're old enough to do so themselves. I don't buy a card now because they make several one or two of their own, and I don't have to write in the card now that they can write.

It's an interim measure.

ShowMeTheWonder · 22/02/2016 21:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cutecat78 · 22/02/2016 21:00

One year I was severely depressed due to something in my personal life, was off work and struggling to cope.

My 3 bought me a little silver heart necklace which I still wear every single day

Meant so much as they did it without help from anyone else (well DD who was 14 at the time did, her brother's helped pay )

Sunshine87 · 22/02/2016 21:06

I agree that you do sound precious. Surely spending time with your DC a home made card and flowers is enough not a massive grand gesture. Surely thats what valentines are for.

SilverHoney · 22/02/2016 21:12

People who think partners shouldn't play a part () my DD will be 9 months old. So what are my choices? Get absolutely nothing since she isn't old enough to write a card / wrap a present? What did you dos for your first 2 mothers days? Nothing??

BTW I have suggested flowers or purfume will be nice I would think a DH who allowed the Mother of his children to go completely unappreciated on Mother's Day a complete arse! And no one I know would do this!

Even parents I know who have separated still help the children sort out mothers / Father's Day gifts. It's basic good manners.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 22/02/2016 21:13

YANBU!! It's my first Mother's Day this year too and we just happen to be staying at a lovely hotel in Cornwall that weekend. My massage and dinner are already booked. It's pretty much the first break I will have had in 7 months so I think fair enough! I totally agree that you need to make your expectations clear. It's only fair on your oh!

Ubik1 · 22/02/2016 21:16

You know that really you are supposed to go to church on Mother's Day.

It's not really about how brilliant you are for managing to have a baby

Sunshine87 · 22/02/2016 21:17

Her DP can get baby to make handprint card which us more sentimental and get a nice flowers and chocolates. Don't understand the need be taken out for an overpriced meal paid by the DP.

SilverHoney · 22/02/2016 21:24

Sunshine I'm pretty sure that given the choice, DH would rather spend £££ on a meal than make a hand print card!! Not his area of expertise at all. You do what's right for your family and I'll do what right for mine.

Also, still waiting to hear from a Mum who was happy to get nothing for her first Mother's Day...

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 22/02/2016 21:25

Tell him. Don't set him up to fail by saying nothing then being upset

This. The week after Mother's Day, there'll be a thousand threads about how disappointed people were. It'll range from justified to ridiculously entitled madness.

Don't be one of them, OP. Just tell him, make it reasonable, and enjoy it.

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 22/02/2016 21:27

Sorry I think expecting all that sounds a bit precious too. But if that's what you want then so be it.

Definitely spell out what your expectations are though. I know a lot of men and women would think a card and some chocolates or booze is the right amount of effort.
You could well end up disappointed.

Jw35 · 22/02/2016 21:47

I don't think you're precious! Just spell it out to him or you might be disappointed!

Chocolatteaddict1 · 22/02/2016 21:55

It's not really about how brilliant you are for managing to have a baby

Ah and here's me thinking that being a mother is allowed to be celebrated at least once a year....

Ah well back to wearing a brown cloth sack and bare feet

Original poster

Picnic2223 · 22/02/2016 22:09

sunshine I missed where I said it needed to be a grand gesture that cost money, but my 10 week old will struggle to make me a card, he is good at kisses though.

ubik I am very aware of the meaning of church in mothers day and the children in my church who are old enough to go out to Sunday school will return with something they have made their mothers.

OP posts:

Original poster

Picnic2223 · 22/02/2016 22:13

whenwas I would like a family day I'm struggling to see how that is too much? what is the "all that" that you think I'm expecting?

OP posts:

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeG0es · 22/02/2016 22:19

Well, I'm in the "I'm not his mother" camp too, and although the DCs do a card now they are older I definitely didn't expect DH to do it for them when they were too young and we don't go out or do breakfast in bed or anything like that. So, everyone is different and if you have high expectations I agree you need to spell them out.

Sunshine87 · 22/02/2016 22:26

Easy your DP could do hand prints and footprints on card which id more sentimental that your standard card you buy from a shop. The whole i want a big fuss is what some people might consider to be precious. What fuss do you expect from your baby. Surely a card and present should be enough maybe a walk to the local park

Sunshine87 · 22/02/2016 22:29

Silverhoney I was speaking directly to OP not your situation.

Chocolatteaddict1 · 22/02/2016 22:42

Sunshine I walk to parks, petting zoos most days with dd, I also paint and colour with her. My kitchen is full of artistic delights off my little Picasso.

I like a little fuss made over me on mothersday because its nice to feel appreciated on specail day. One which my Dh is more than happy to oblige with! Dd gets excited, I get excited, Dh gets praise and dd gets kisses. Every ones a winner! Which all applies to Dh on Father's Day.

Now my birthday is when the list gets brought out...... 😍😍😍

Chocolatteaddict1 · 22/02/2016 22:45

I think it's a little thoughtless on your other halfs part if they don't try and at least show a little effort in gratitude for being a great mother/father.

When we didn't have much money wevalways got each other a little something.

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