To be worried about what happened at this party?

[George2014]

Ds5 has just been to a party this morning. There were many new faces there and a few he knew. After playing for a while he suddenly started getting teary that other people were being mean to him...we were watching and couldn't really see anything other than usual boy stuff but it was like the flood gates opened and he was crying his eyes out at everything...falling over, the food on the table, the wrong music being on, not having a turn at something etc the list is endless. I was dying inside....and quite worried why a 5.5yr old was behaving like a 2 yr old.

Towards the end I did see a small group of children sort of playing that ds was the chaser or baddie and they had to run away from him (he didn't even notice) and that made me feel uneasy that they were making him the one to run away from without him being in on the game. One of the boys then started saying they should throw balls at him and I intervened then and told the children they were being not nice etc and took ds away from them.

When we got home he was inconsolable about the party and then about school and saying everyone hates him, he's got no friends and the other children are mean to him when the teachers aren't looking. This came up last term and we talked to school and they were really vigilant and reported they couldn't see anything going on. I believe them, ds can't give any concrete examples of anything happening, it's more like a general low self esteem and feelings that he mustn't be liked. I've seen him at other parties with close friends and on the playground and it's been fine.

I don't know, I just feel a bit uncomfortable and worried about it all....but I'm not sure what specifically is making me feel uneasy iykwim.

Kc225 - ds also remembers slights from months ago. One of his things today when he was really upset was that a boy I thought he was friends with 'twisted my arm at the beginning of reception year so he must hate me'....I also reaffirm the positives like you said, although I will try to allow him to acknowledge his feelings more as someone above said.

one of my dts also remembers slights from ages ago. He can't however remember where he put his shoes or book bag

5.5 is the start of a year of disequilibrium for kids. Expect every emotion to be magnified during this period.

Reading this so reminds me of my son, my son was shy and didn't mix well with people he didn't know. Sometimes he wanted to go home, sometimes he would be naughty, other times he would be whining. This was his way of covering up that he didn't join in. We use to just let him do it at his own pace and leave him to get on with it, we didn't push him or force him, we'd say do you want to go play with so and so, if he did good, if he didn't so what we'd just leave him to it and go at his pace. I remember thinking all sorts, is there something wrong with him, is he been bullied, is he just shy or is it something more, all sorts use to go through my head! Even tho i am a parent that lets him learn his way in the world at the same time the thought of him not having friends or been bullied scared me. Personally when i look back now i think it was more me than him, adults see bullying or children been left out and we think the worse because we know the background of "what can happen", but children don't see it like us adults, its all part of growing up. I kept reminding myself children can be cruel sometimes, it will be someone else tomorrow that they are leaving out and all best buds with my son. When they moved on to the next child we use to say to him you didn't like it when he happened to you so be the one to be his friend. When he was the one they were been cruel to we advised him how to handle it if he asked if not we just left him to it. I'm afraid its all part of growing up and learning. He's now 14 and theres no stopping him, he has so many friends you wouldn't believe he was like this when he was younger. I would suggest having a word with the school nurse aswell as assessing childrens health they are there for their welfare, they will do it over a few weeks getting to know your son and chatting to him, they can also have a word with people in school if they have any concerns.

Doogle1 thank you, that's really helpful to hear someone from the other side! Your ds does sound very similar to mind.