...to be really struggling with this work/life/children decision?

[missmillimentscardigan]

So, basically, I am really unsure about when to go back to work and what is going to be best for my family.

I have 2 dcs - a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I've been a SAHM since my oldest child was born, although I think of myself as being on a career break! It's definitely my intention to go back to work at some point in the nearish future, part time at first. I don't think it will be too hard for me to get a job, but may be hard to find part time.

My DH works pretty long hours (out of the house 7am-7pm minimum, and often longer), so he couldn't help with nursery drop off and pick up.

I've been thinking about looking for a part time job for September, when my youngest dc will be turning 1. In order to do this, youngest dc will go to nursery for 2 or 3 days a week (depending on whether i'm doing 2 or 3 days), as will oldest dc, although they will have 15 hours free by then). I've done a rough calculation and I reckon, with childcare costs, I will be making roughly £200-£300 per month by working.

Money is pretty tight for us at the moment. We're not at a point where we can't pay the bills or buy food, but things are just generally a bit tight, as in we couldn't go on a holiday and we're building up a bit of debt (but still paying it off gradually each month). We also talk about money A LOT at the moment, and it's a bit miserable. Longer term we will be fine, once we both working full time again.

I don't really want to put dc2 in childcare at 1, but we would if it made sense for all of us. I don't mean that as a criticism towards anyone else's choices or decisions; it;s just how I feel, and DH agrees with me.

So would you go back to work this year, or next? I do quite enjoy being a SAHM because I see it as something I'm doing while the children are very little, before I get back to work a bit later.

Thank you!

[LilacAndLovely]

but I was never ill and was in a non sexist marriage so we both did as much with children and work and my career and earnings came first so a bit different from your situation

That sounds incredibly patronising and superior

[missmillimentscardigan]

Haha, good for you deo! I'm sure that's all true...

[TheCatsMeow]

Deo it's not sexist for one party to do childcare while the other works. And I'm someone who likes to work! Each to their own

[Duckdeamon]

Best to consider medium and long term finances, not just immediate ones.

The longer you are not working the more chance there is that it will be difficult to get a job on good pay. If you're working, you're more likely to have opportunities to progress or work PT.

Your H could put in a flexible working request. 8-6 is long "core hours".

[Duckdeamon]

Teaching gets a bad press but the holidays aren't to be sniffed at once DC are school age!

[museumum]

If you're going to work then I'd advise your dh starts looking for a new job now.
Taking ALL the nursery runs is very stressful. What about an early meeting or a parents evening. I do about 90% of our nursery runs and that's tough enough.
Also sickness. I imagine it's not great for a teacher to walk out of their class to collect a sick child but if your dh is an hour away???

IMO if you both work you both have to do at least SOME child related nursery duties or emergency calls, even if circumstances dictate it's not 50/50, 100/0 is not fair on you or your employer.

[Husbanddoestheironing]

Personally I didn't find nursery 3 days a week was too much for my 2 each from 9 months onwards, they loved it and thrived, but the organisation of it all, covering drop offs and pickups and sick days was hard and very stressful at times- my DH had more flexibility than yours and was able to do his share and I was able to take leave for illnesses sometimes, which is difficult for teachers. I think in your position I would probably do the work at home that you can for now (that wasn't an option for me either) and wait till they are a bit older or till your DH is working closer to home. It's not like the teaching profession is likely to suddenly fill up, after all

[fluffywhitekittens]

If you're going to go back into teaching I really would leave it as long as you can. I had a four year age gap between my two and didn't go back until the youngest was in the first year of preschool. I work two and a half days a week now and DH does the morning drop off at school on the two mornings I work and I'm lucky enough to have a friend and two sets of Grandparents who can do the afternoon school run.
Initially I was lucky enough that the job was four afternoons when DS was at preschool so I didn't need childcare.
You need to think about who's going to do Nursery drop offs and pick ups and what will happen if you have staff meetings or need to stay later to mark/plan.
Also if you're going into a job share there will be a lot of extra work. Is it really worth the extra cash each month or can you realistically cope for another year or two?
Tutoring work could be a good way to get back into things if you can fit that in with available childcare.
I had a "career break" of over 7 years and got back into the swing of teaching really quickly :)

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

The extra money would obviously be useful in a situation where you are stressing over it. I also dont think it's fair to leave it all down to one person as that pressure can be immense. £300 for part time work after childcare costs is pretty good. Lots of people only break even or work at a loss for the first few years.

It's not just about money though, gaps on cvs can hinder future job prospects. There's pensions, NI contributions etc. Also having the fallback of your own wage should a split or worse occur is a huge thing.

[rookiemere]

Deogratias - I'm not entirely sure why listing what you did is helpful to the OP.

Did your DH's work involve him being out of the house 12 hours per day? Are you somehow assuming that the OP's DH is sexist for working these hours?

Is the point you're trying to make that it would be best for the OP to be working as well? If so then it would be good to give some practical suggestions as to how to make that happen, rather than just state what you did.

A good starting point would be for the DH to try to get a job closer to home, which makes him more able to support drop offs and pick ups. That way when OP goes back to work then it will be a more equitable arrangement for both.