...to be really struggling with this work/life/children decision?

[missmillimentscardigan]

So, basically, I am really unsure about when to go back to work and what is going to be best for my family.

I have 2 dcs - a 2 year old and a 5 month old and I've been a SAHM since my oldest child was born, although I think of myself as being on a career break! It's definitely my intention to go back to work at some point in the nearish future, part time at first. I don't think it will be too hard for me to get a job, but may be hard to find part time.

My DH works pretty long hours (out of the house 7am-7pm minimum, and often longer), so he couldn't help with nursery drop off and pick up.

I've been thinking about looking for a part time job for September, when my youngest dc will be turning 1. In order to do this, youngest dc will go to nursery for 2 or 3 days a week (depending on whether i'm doing 2 or 3 days), as will oldest dc, although they will have 15 hours free by then). I've done a rough calculation and I reckon, with childcare costs, I will be making roughly £200-£300 per month by working.

Money is pretty tight for us at the moment. We're not at a point where we can't pay the bills or buy food, but things are just generally a bit tight, as in we couldn't go on a holiday and we're building up a bit of debt (but still paying it off gradually each month). We also talk about money A LOT at the moment, and it's a bit miserable. Longer term we will be fine, once we both working full time again.

I don't really want to put dc2 in childcare at 1, but we would if it made sense for all of us. I don't mean that as a criticism towards anyone else's choices or decisions; it;s just how I feel, and DH agrees with me.

So would you go back to work this year, or next? I do quite enjoy being a SAHM because I see it as something I'm doing while the children are very little, before I get back to work a bit later.

Thank you!

[rookiemere]

Deogratias - I'm not entirely sure why listing what you did is helpful to the OP.

Did your DH's work involve him being out of the house 12 hours per day? Are you somehow assuming that the OP's DH is sexist for working these hours?

Is the point you're trying to make that it would be best for the OP to be working as well? If so then it would be good to give some practical suggestions as to how to make that happen, rather than just state what you did.

A good starting point would be for the DH to try to get a job closer to home, which makes him more able to support drop offs and pick ups. That way when OP goes back to work then it will be a more equitable arrangement for both.

[AutumnLeavesArePretty]

The extra money would obviously be useful in a situation where you are stressing over it. I also dont think it's fair to leave it all down to one person as that pressure can be immense. £300 for part time work after childcare costs is pretty good. Lots of people only break even or work at a loss for the first few years.

It's not just about money though, gaps on cvs can hinder future job prospects. There's pensions, NI contributions etc. Also having the fallback of your own wage should a split or worse occur is a huge thing.

[fluffywhitekittens]

If you're going to go back into teaching I really would leave it as long as you can. I had a four year age gap between my two and didn't go back until the youngest was in the first year of preschool. I work two and a half days a week now and DH does the morning drop off at school on the two mornings I work and I'm lucky enough to have a friend and two sets of Grandparents who can do the afternoon school run.
Initially I was lucky enough that the job was four afternoons when DS was at preschool so I didn't need childcare.
You need to think about who's going to do Nursery drop offs and pick ups and what will happen if you have staff meetings or need to stay later to mark/plan.
Also if you're going into a job share there will be a lot of extra work. Is it really worth the extra cash each month or can you realistically cope for another year or two?
Tutoring work could be a good way to get back into things if you can fit that in with available childcare.
I had a "career break" of over 7 years and got back into the swing of teaching really quickly :)

[Husbanddoestheironing]

Personally I didn't find nursery 3 days a week was too much for my 2 each from 9 months onwards, they loved it and thrived, but the organisation of it all, covering drop offs and pickups and sick days was hard and very stressful at times- my DH had more flexibility than yours and was able to do his share and I was able to take leave for illnesses sometimes, which is difficult for teachers. I think in your position I would probably do the work at home that you can for now (that wasn't an option for me either) and wait till they are a bit older or till your DH is working closer to home. It's not like the teaching profession is likely to suddenly fill up, after all

[museumum]

If you're going to work then I'd advise your dh starts looking for a new job now.
Taking ALL the nursery runs is very stressful. What about an early meeting or a parents evening. I do about 90% of our nursery runs and that's tough enough.
Also sickness. I imagine it's not great for a teacher to walk out of their class to collect a sick child but if your dh is an hour away???

IMO if you both work you both have to do at least SOME child related nursery duties or emergency calls, even if circumstances dictate it's not 50/50, 100/0 is not fair on you or your employer.

[Duckdeamon]

Teaching gets a bad press but the holidays aren't to be sniffed at once DC are school age!

[Duckdeamon]

Best to consider medium and long term finances, not just immediate ones.

The longer you are not working the more chance there is that it will be difficult to get a job on good pay. If you're working, you're more likely to have opportunities to progress or work PT.

Your H could put in a flexible working request. 8-6 is long "core hours".

[TheCatsMeow]

Deo it's not sexist for one party to do childcare while the other works. And I'm someone who likes to work! Each to their own

[missmillimentscardigan]

Haha, good for you deo! I'm sure that's all true...

[LilacAndLovely]

but I was never ill and was in a non sexist marriage so we both did as much with children and work and my career and earnings came first so a bit different from your situation

That sounds incredibly patronising and superior

[DeoGratias]

I just had 2 weeks off for each baby and went back full time (we both worked full time) but I was never ill and was in a non sexist marriage so we both did as much with children and work and my career and earnings came first so a bit different from your situation. i ended up earning 10x more and it worked out really well.

[AvaLeStrange]

I don't think what you're considering is a bad idea at all, however...

...you then mention that because of your DH's current hours you'd be doing all the grunt work at home whilst working p/t and facilitating all the childcare arrangements.

If you can manage for a bit longer doing some tutoring/examining until your DH can find something closer to home it will probably make the transition back to work a lot easier all round.

[missmillimentscardigan]

thegreek - yes, those are all the things I'm worried about with going back to work now. Looking at it like that, it's probably not worth it for £300.

I think my ideal scenario would be to work a little bit, but not have to put my youngest dc in childcare until she's 2. But in many ways I almost can't imagine going back to teaching right now. Even going to an interview would be tricky for childcare, plus i'm bf dc2, so I can imagine leaking milk while trying to teach an interview lesson!

But I would also like a bit more money, mainly so DH and I don't have to talk about finances all. the.time.

[ChemicalReaction]

Could you work nights/evenings?

[thegreekmythsII]

What do you really want? It doesn't sound from your post that you are crazy happy about going to work, and it sounds like financially it is just manageable to stay at home with the dcs. Going back can be great when the time is right for you - but if you are not 100% happy putting your child in childcare, it's going to be difficult.

Going back to work can add many other layers of practical difficulties and frustrations - especially if your heart is not in it. Finding reliable childcare, doing the drop off and pick up without being late, doing a good job at work, what do do when dcs are ill, dealing the guilt. And, rightly or wrongly, that generally falls on mum. Is it worth it for £300?

I have a friend who is a teacher and she once said that it felt odd to be looking after other children just so that she could pay someone to look after hers!

[HippyPottyMouth]

How about doing supply for a couple of days a week?

[missmillimentscardigan]

Yes, rookiemere - that is partly the reason why I became a SAHM in the first place. DH has to work core hours of 8am-6pm and his travel time is almost an hour. He is looking for a job closer to home though. I do everything else and that would have to remain that way if I were working, at least at the moment.

Thank you for all the helpful suggestions. I have done a little bit of tuition since I've been a SAHM and was thinking that I could earn more doing that for the next year. And I've applied to be an examiner too, which I can do from home.

Thanks supermoon - that sounds really interesting.

[JizzyStradlin]

If it's really stressful to feel like you have no spare money, perhaps you could start tutoring a couple of hours a week before baby turns 1?

[jellybeans]

I was a SAHM for 16 years and loved it! But there are downsides. My DC are aged 7 and 4 are teenagers. I am full time at the moment and retraining. Even with older kids I am finding full time hard work because my husband works awful shifts. I found that 2 to 3 days a week is the perfect balance or both parents doing 3/4 each.

If I were you I would wait. Maybe till school age. Maybe do some tutorING to keep your hand it but don't worry even after a long time out I managed to get back into it although the confidence does take a hit.

I could afford to SAH still just about but now the kids are older find I need that purpose outside of the home and I worry about divorce etc and being able to support myself. Good luck deciding

[rookiemere]

Does your DH have any flexibility on his working hours?
That to me would be the deciding factor. It's all very well talking about women earning their own money, but not if you're also expected, or indeed expecting yourself, to do absolutely everything else as well.

[SevenSeconds]

You say in your OP that you'd like to work part time, and that a part time job may be hard to find. So for that reason I'd start looking this year and hold out for what you want, ie not taking a full time position if a part time one doesn't come up. That way, you give yourself an extra year to find the perfect job.

[SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo]

Plus with teaching.

Think long and hard before going back to the chalkface, and have a read in the Staffroom forum. I speak as a former teacher who went back after a few years off having had children. I'm now very happy working as a home tutor for children without school places, with teacher t&cs. Excellent hourly rate plus pension. Happy to talk to you about this if got want to pm me.

[HPsauciness]

I agree you would be better off tutoring for £200-300 a month. Usually advise people to carry on, to secure their place in the workforce as it were, but here if you can get back in after a few years, there's nothing to secure and it would be better to go back when more optimal money-wise (i.e. they go to school and only pay afterschool care).

[missmillimentscardigan]

Thanks for the replies. I genuinely am in two minds about it, because it is stressful to feel like we have no spare money, but it's also quite a big upheaval for only a couple of hundred pounds a month.

hopelessly - our debt is pretty static at the moment, because we're putting a bit on credit cards and then paying it off, but I think it would creep up over time if our situation stayed as it is for too long.

I completely agree about women earning their own money and having a career. My career was important to me and I fully intend to get back to it, but I also feel fine about not being at work at the moment, because that's saving money on child care. I think we've been trying to take the long view that having children is quite expensive and things will be tight for a bit, but that it's worth it for the dcs (which, of course, it is!)

[SuperMoonIsKeepingMeUpToo]

I wouldn't, to me £50 a week to have the kids in daycare for 3 days isn't worth it. Plus worth teaching you'll be bringing plenty of work home too. You'd be better off doing a Saturday morning tutoring at £30 an hour.