to want to burn down my house and move

[mommy2ash]

The is something living behind my kitchen cabinets. It has ripped a cardigan in half, nibbled holes through a shirt and stolen a packet of cherry bakewells. I can see the top of the insert sticking out of a hole under the stairs that leads into the backs of the cabinets. My dd is off out with her friends for the day and I need to figure out how best to start a fire help!!!!

I think it's raccoons.

Mothra!

Maybe I have a new kind of pest part mouse part rat part moth and raccoon. I think this beast needs a name that will strike fear onto the hearts of many

Sounds more like a (small) goat

I thought this was a typo for stoat.
But then I saw this

Just for reference...goat droppings, and donkey I think? If you find a pile like that you will know for sure

A goat hiding being kitchen cabinets?
Am I missing some sort of in joke

The rats in our attic keep me awake at night playing with the odd half brick left lying around from the last time they caused the need for repair work.

If they can play basketball with a half brick then I can believe making off with a whole packet of cakes was no effort at all.

The bastards.

I really don't want to have to go and crawl 26 meters in the cobwebby dark to put more poison down. My little headlamp died last time at the start of the return journey. I've read James Herbert I just know they were lurking on the beams, mulling over the idea of jumping on me and eating me alive.

Your idea of burning the house down sounds much better than Attic Crawl of Hell 2.0 .. I can stay standing up, cobweb free and not in the dark if I just resort to fighlighters in the living room.

But .... if you don't have to go anywhere scary to place poison, and you can lock off the place where you put it (to keep kids and pets away from said poison) I'd give that a whirl before resorting to matches.

at "could it be Shergar?"
So sorry to find mirth in your terrible situation OP.

Leave a macaroon outside the hole and film it. The film of the hairy hand taking the biscuit will go viral and you will be rich!

Good idea then I can buy a new house with all the money I make from the video!!! :)

Try the spray , the more soapy the better, apparently all wildlife hate the smell of soap. It keeps deer and badgers away too.