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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ALWAYS hate my work colleagues?

71 replies

Bellygirl · 20/02/2016 08:03

Now I'm not talking the entire workforce, but no matter where I've worked or who I work with I always ALWAYS end up hating the person I work closely with. When I've worked in offices the person I sit next to always starts off ok but after a while ends up infuriating me, to the point that they annoy me so much I want to quit my job so I don't have to see them again. It's happening again now, I work in a job which I have to spend a lot of time in a van with this person and they just drive me insane, I can't stand them...it's making me want to quit my job again! So am I the problem? AIBU? Does this happen to other people? Is it just a factor of having to spend x amount of time with these people when you'd rather be at home? Arrrrgh!

OP posts:

BeaufortBelle · 20/02/2016 10:57

Thinking about this more I do keep work and home separate. Work know I have a couple of older children and vaguely where I live (people at work I should say) but I keep things very much at surface level. I'll talk about the cat and vaguely about a holiday - if someone asks where we're staying and says "oh it's expensive there are you camping" I'll say "the campsites are lovely in the area". I don't hide anything and think I'm quite open but I don't venture much at work either. Whilst I know other people's children's GCSE grades, etc., my response has always been "she was very pleased thank you".

Now as for colleagues: I know their parents names, their brothers' and sisters' jobs, how much their house cost, their child's illnesses and anorexia and sometimes about their abortions. Why, they are work colleagues? There's no need to get involved. I don't get involved, therefore I don't have personal stuff to fall out over or personal relationships that get in the way of work.

I also find that the people who try to wheedle information out of you are the ones who gossip and like to keep any hint of weaknesses up up their sleeve to use later.

timescrossword · 20/02/2016 11:02

I feel for the OP. My position towards others is one of goodwill and I am very empathetic. However I believe it is more difficult for me to filter stuff out that many other people and stuff becomes incredibly irritating and I can end up taking a huge dislike to someone because of it. I only worked this out because I received a diagnosis of a particular condition late in life. I am not saying the OP is the same as me, but I gave come to realise their are differences in brains and nervous systems that filter information differently and it doesn't make you a bad person, it's just that working environments that throw everybody together will be so much more difficult for some than others.

WhatamessIgotinto · 20/02/2016 11:34

So am I the problem?

Probably, but that doesn't make you a bad person. Perhaps you need a job where you're working alone most of the time and not with others? Some people just prefer to be on their own.

alltouchedout · 20/02/2016 11:40

Hmmm. I've always found that in any workplace there will be someone I really don't like, a handful I really really do like, and a bunch I am fairly neutral on.

Someone who works for the same employer as me really dislikes me. It's so very obvious. It was a bit upsetting for a while but now it is quite funny. I enjoy giving her a huge smile and saying hello in a really friendly way when we meet (which isn't that often) because it clearly boils her piss but how can she complain to anyone about me being nice?

MrsKoala · 20/02/2016 11:42

I have done a lot of temping and have been generally loathed everywhere i have worked. I think i'm nice but others clearly don't. I have come to the conclusion it is definitely me.

sportinguista · 20/02/2016 12:01

What are you like outside of work, do you have good friends there?

I must admit I was never one of these people that got over friendly in the work arena, I kept my friendships for outside work. I didn't dislike my colleagues except for some and there were reasons. But I wasn't close as some of my colleagues liked to be.

Now I am freelance and work from home. This might be the answer for you, if you're just not that social trying a different format may be the answer.

Its hard when you have to spend 8 hours a day at work and you spend all the time hating it...

lorelei9 · 20/02/2016 12:06

Are you introverted? I like my colleagues but would love to spend less time with them. The one who is around the most gets on my nerves the most. Not her fault. It's just that she's there the most so I notice it.

Oysterbabe · 20/02/2016 13:32

I've suffered with this to an extent but have always been aware that it's me who's unreasonable. People irritate you if you see them too much. The guy I used to sit next to had the most rigid routine with his lunch and snacks, eating exactly the same thing at exactly the same time every day. 4:30 on the dot everyday he would loudly chomp on a granny smith and I fantasised about stabbing him in the throat.

lorelei9 · 20/02/2016 19:23

I have been on holiday and the colleague who I see all the time also picked the same week to be off (neither of us have kids so it wasn't about half term).

I was quite annoyed about that, it sounds mean and I don't hate her - I just feel like she's there all the time. When I saw it on the calendar, I actually said "what, you're off at the same time as me?" (she booked it quite last minute and I feel like she wants to chat a lot).

I don't think she took it badly but tbh even if she was a bit offended that might not be bad if it makes her less chatty....

DaemonPantalaemon · 20/02/2016 19:43

Yet another thread where the OP says something that is not fully explained, posters ask her to clarify, and she fucks off and does not come back. What is happening on Mumsnet these days?????'

Original poster

Bellygirl · 20/02/2016 21:11

Hi, sorry for lack of response, been in work all day and then with DS. Ok so my original post makes me sound like a bit of a monster, for a bit more perspective I've only worked in four different places so this is only 4 maybe 5 people I am talking about. Also I am never horrible to these people in any way, only ever polite and professional (whilst inside full of rage, ha!) I am also fully aware that I am not perfect and these people could well feel the same about me! Yes I am very much an introvert, I find talking to people extremely difficult (I never know what to say or where I'm supposed to be looking when they're talking to me? The eyes seems weird but looking away anywhere else even weirder!?) In all honesty with exception for DP and DS I really do prefer to just be alone...I guess this is part of the problem and it's not anything in particular annoying about these individuals it's just being stuck with them for 8hrs. Also probably doesn't help that I always find myself in jobs I hate, I leave to find something better and end up in another tedious job but I guess most jobs become tedious in time. Ahh I don't know what the answer is, I guess I just have to work on my tolerance of being around other people

OP posts:

gooseberryroolz · 20/02/2016 21:16

What kind of jobs do you do?

Would something like customer service agent from home work for you?

You only need a PC and a phone line.

Or s/employed multidrop driver? (You mention being in a van in your OP)

gooseberryroolz · 20/02/2016 21:18

Not everyone can be a extrovert or a social animal. Don't beat yourself up about it. If you worked alone you might have the energy left over for a couple of small group things that really interested you.

Original poster

Bellygirl · 20/02/2016 21:23

I've always done office work. But currently for the past few months I've been a postie, problem is we work on a van share so I still have to spend way too much time with this person who is probably the worst person I've worked with so far, out of all of them he's probably the only one I have a reason to dislike...he's selfish, rude, frequently makes sexist comments, and is generally just a bit horrible. Working from home is the ultimate dream but I just have never found a genuine role that is work from home, it feels like these jobs are a myth lol!

OP posts:

gooseberryroolz · 20/02/2016 21:26

Selfish rudeand sexist sounds horrible.

Can you try get yourself your own postal round in the short term? And register with some agencies for teleworking?

YANBU anyway.

Original poster

Bellygirl · 20/02/2016 21:43

No only the most senior postal workers get their own round, rounds are picked on seniority and EVERYONE wants their own round there are not many of them in my delivery office it is mostly done on a van share now. Thanks for the teleworking suggestion I will look into it, it sounds scary though lol working from home in general seems a bit daunting (i just cant imagine doing it! And you must need to be very motivated) but it's all I've ever wanted to do I've just never known what to do!!

OP posts:

lorelei9 · 20/02/2016 21:58

OP, I am also looking for anything that can be done with max time at home - atm I have 2 days a week at home and work slightly different hours than the others, but ideally I'd like 100% at home, though I realise going in for the odd meeting might be needed.

it does sort of exist but not in a way that would pay my current (average) salary.

toffeeboffin · 21/02/2016 01:04

God if I was stuck in a van with someone all week I'd hate them too!

Am I the only one?

Just you and me, OP.

3point14159265359 · 21/02/2016 01:13

I'm with you OP, sounds annoying as hell.

I like people but I really couldn't deal with extended 1 to 1 time with a randomer.

You need to either stick it out for solo round, or find something where there's more people so they're all diluted.

It's not you.

Fatmomma99 · 21/02/2016 01:17

Firstly, this:
What helps me the most is to fully accept that work is work, you're not there to make friends.

Secondly, I think posting on an anonymous website, the most likely answer you'd get back is "it's you". And it might be.
But I'd say far more to look at what is right for you. For example, I've worked for local government, where people tend to be quite "lefty". If you're a Tory, you're not going to easily fit it. Not that you won't make friends, but more that you won't find people who's views are the same as yours.

So I'd be looking at how your ideals fit in with your workplace, and (possibly) looking to change that.

Hope this is helpful. x

Gwenhwyfar · 21/02/2016 10:04

"God if I was stuck in a van with someone all week I'd hate them too!

Am I the only one? confused"

No, you're not. Seems completely normal to me. It's way too much time to be cooped up with one person.

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