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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ALWAYS hate my work colleagues?

71 replies

Bellygirl · 20/02/2016 08:03

Now I'm not talking the entire workforce, but no matter where I've worked or who I work with I always ALWAYS end up hating the person I work closely with. When I've worked in offices the person I sit next to always starts off ok but after a while ends up infuriating me, to the point that they annoy me so much I want to quit my job so I don't have to see them again. It's happening again now, I work in a job which I have to spend a lot of time in a van with this person and they just drive me insane, I can't stand them...it's making me want to quit my job again! So am I the problem? AIBU? Does this happen to other people? Is it just a factor of having to spend x amount of time with these people when you'd rather be at home? Arrrrgh!

OP posts:

gooseberryroolz · 20/02/2016 08:45

Maybe you're a natural introvert?

Or it could even be something like particularly acute hearing or aspergers or any one of a number of things that you're unaware of.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/02/2016 08:46

You sound like my ex SIL. She ended up having a problem with her NDNs, her work colleagues, her fellow students - you name it, she had a problem.

It was, of course, her.

gooseberryroolz · 20/02/2016 08:47

OP can you tell us more about the way they infuriate you? Or what goes wrong?

Collaborate · 20/02/2016 08:49

Your expectations are too high. Try and avoid getting to know them too much, then you won't care whether you like them or not, as you won't be able to form an opinion. they're meant to be your colleague, not your best mate.

Seeyounearertime · 20/02/2016 08:51

I'm going to guess and say that some of the things that annoy you op are:
the way they eat, their seemingly over opinionated chatter, that one phrase they use a little too often "know what i mean?", The way they manipulate their glasses of their tshirt or their jacket, their laugh grates on your nerves, their voice irritates, they talk endlessly and you just sit and think "FFS Shut Up" etc.

Ragwort · 20/02/2016 08:55

You sound just like someone I know who can't make any friends, feel everyone's against him, has a massive chip on his shoulder - yes, it probably is you.

Of course we don't have to be 'best friends' with everyone but it shouldn't be impossible to establish good working relationships with most people - when I think about people I don't like, I remind myself that they probably don't like me much either. . None of us are perfect, we all have our bad/irritating points but try to focus on the good points rather than the negative.

HermioneJeanGranger · 20/02/2016 08:56

Is it possible you're just very introverted? I get on really well with a couple of my colleagues, but the others do start to grate on me after a while. It's nothing to do with them as people, I like them well enough, but I just generally prefer my own company and I don't like having to talk inanely all day long, which happens all the time in my job.

I chat to my colleagues happily at work and I don't show that I'd rather be elsewhere, but I'm just not great at small talk. I think being made to spend time with people you wouldn't ordinarily spend time with isn't really conducive to bein in a good mood/liking them.

Skiptonlass · 20/02/2016 09:01

This is a huge fear of mine... That I'm the problem

I generally get on fine with everyone I work with. I don't get too chummy with people but I can usually work well with almost everyone. In my current job I've had two women I've really struggled with - my boss and a counterpart in the USA.

I've had endless internal "is it me?" Worries ...

Then on mat leave the people I've transferred my projects to have contacted me in despair at how awful these women are. I'm sorry they're having issues but I'm secretly relieved because their laundry list of woes is exactly the same as mine!

Op, if it's a few people it's probably just personalities that don't mix, but if it's everyone then I'm sorry to say it may be you who has the issue.

VulcanWoman · 20/02/2016 09:04

OP, you're not on your own, lots of people feel like this. Best to get a job where you're working on your own most of the time, post/parcel delivery, shopping delivery, night security guard, can't think of any more at the minute but they'll be loads more.

YaySirNaySir · 20/02/2016 09:08

If you do leave, find a job where you get to be alone more or you move around a lot.

I have a job where we only see a couple of team members for a whole project, which could be up to six weeks and then we swap .
Also people come in and out of different departments so you may only work with them once a year. Keeps things less intense and no-one thinks they 'own' a certain job.

NoahVale · 20/02/2016 09:12

You don't have to be best friends.
You just have to go to work.
grin and bear it.

EssentialHummus · 20/02/2016 09:13

This was me. I now work for myself, from home. I am much, much happier, less snappy, and have a lot more energy for my friends and partner. "It's you" isn't necessarily an indictment - if you're not an extrovert / if there are other sensory things going on, that just may not be the work environment for you.

fusionconfusion · 20/02/2016 09:21

I think there are many very harsh responses here!

I have never personally hated many colleagues, but I love my job and I suspect if I had to sit in a van all day I might feel irrationally rageful if the person had poor hygiene, endlessly talked about celeb twaddle I had no interest in and was racist or ate loudly.

I had a colleague once who shared a clinic room with me 4 days a week (tiny space) used to talk endlessly at me while I was trying to write reports, belch loudly, fart and titter about it ('better in than out, eh, love?), sharing as many details about her sex life with her husband as humanly possible as well as things like having thrush, gynae exams and the like. Sometimes the very sight of her made my blood start to boil.

NameChanger22 · 20/02/2016 09:27

I usually like the people I work with but nearly always hate the boss. I don't think this is my problem, just that it takes a certain kind of person to be a boss, either that or I'm just unlucky.

timeKeepingOnMars · 20/02/2016 09:36

natural introvert - I am one of these but have never ended up hating all my workmates in fact very few I had negative feelings for.

I tend to be polite and friendly but detached and professional. There have been environments - open plan offices wear to people who job was to be constantly on the phone I've struggled with but not the people.

Have struggled one to one situations with some people when the work hasn't provided enough to talk about then felt pressure of needing to make conversation.

I don't think you can blame being an natural introvert - though working from home or in jobs with less colleague interactions could be a way forward.

JOEYDOESNTSHAREFOOD · 20/02/2016 09:37

I have some work friends I like and many more that I simply tolerate. It's always been that way for me. Although two of my closest friends both started off as work colleagues.

What helps me the most is to fully accept that work is work, you're not there to make friends.

timeKeepingOnMars · 20/02/2016 09:39

There are some work environments/sectors that have more personalities I suppose it could be you work in one of these so have greater number of difficult people. I supposed it could be that.

Foginthehills · 20/02/2016 09:41

Can you break it down, OP? What is it that comes to annoy you about pretty much everyone you've worked with? Is there a common factor (apart from you)? Or are you projecting annoyance at your job (the hours, the type of work, having to work at all) onto your poor hapless colleagues?

Is there other stuff going on in your life?

Because, otherwise -- it's you. But I don't believe anyone cod be quite as grumpy as you seem to be, all the time, in every workplace you go to.

RoboticSealpup · 20/02/2016 09:52

Hell is other people, OP.

LagunaBubbles · 20/02/2016 09:56

Well it depends on what it is about the other people that have annoyed you.

TheWhoreOfBabyliss · 20/02/2016 10:05

I much prefer to work on my own as I am probably similar to you OP. In my normal job I work alone but have been doing a few extra days of moonlighting elsewhere and have had to work alongside others and they drive me batty with just about everything they do. The more you notice the more you notice too! The spelling errors, the taking three quarters of an hour for a break instead of half. Moaning about how dirty the place is when it's their job to clean, stuff like that. I feel old and that the people around me have no work ethic or awareness of others at all. When they greet each other they scream ear splittingly and flap their hands. One put a tray down to flap both hands! What happened to just saying 'Hi'? Arrrrrrrr! You are not alone OP.

Seeyounearertime · 20/02/2016 10:12

OP is so introverted and hateful that she hates all of us too an has buggered off.

AnotherTimeMaybe · 20/02/2016 10:12

OP it's normal, you didn't choose this people so normal to be pissed off by them at times

I have something similar that majority of colleagues have pissed me off at times(not permanently )

Don't fight it, learn to leave with it, makes work life fun!

StitchesInTime · 20/02/2016 10:25

Are you very introverted OP? In which case it may be the enforced, prolonged social contact rather than the people themselves that you hate?

KERALA1 · 20/02/2016 10:52

Robotic has it.

Dh is always polite and pleasant to his work colleagues but detests being around them all day. He works from home when he can. His worst thing is managing moaning juniors and having to pretend to give a damn. His view is he is there to do his job then come home to family / friends so he is baffled by many (mostly women) imbuing emotions into a work environment.

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