to want my kitchen appliances to be less needy?

[LemonShizzleCake]

They're all at it.

The dishwasher beeps about 8 times when it's finished. Then 10 minutes later, if you haven't opened it, it does it again. And so on, apparently forever. Loud enough to hear throughout the entire house.

The microwave is only mildly needy - if you don't open it when it's finished, it waits 30 seconds or so and then squawks at you again, as if you might have forgotten your baked beans chocolate mug cake steamed veggies.

But the piece de resistance is the washing machine, which plays a ridiculously long TUNE at the end of the cycle and I can't find how to turn the sodding thing off. Drives me and DH to distraction.

Anyone else's kitchen appliances need therapy?

Our microwave won't even stop beeping when you open the door and take the stuff out. Who the hell invents something that does that? What purpose does it serve?

"Our microwave won't even stop beeping when you open the door and take the stuff out."

Same here - I have to close the door again before it stops.

I used to have an LG washer that sang a happy tune when it finished. It was the only thing I liked about that washing machine. The repairman on his twelfty millionth visit switched the tune off and it was all downhill from there.

My friend has a microwave that talks to you and says ridiculously obvious things like' the door is opening' I just want to scream 'yes I know the door is opening coz I just pressed the button to open the door you stupid piece of crap'

Ah. The first thing we did when we moved into the house was switch off the tumble dryer beeping and the dishwasher beeping, and change the washing machine beeping to the minimum. Ah bliss! Are you sure this is not possible? Search for your appliance mark + turn off beeping or similar. It took some work but ah...the peace!

Crying with laughter at some of these. Cadle's bastard pinging kettle, Titsalina's washing machine playing the tune of my people and Salmotrutta's po faced wee bastards all made me snort

Cookie, moving house to get away from a beeping hob may sound extreme to some, but I can totally relate. They should make pills for this.

Sad news about the LG washing machine lyrics, BeeRose - maybe I should make up a samsung version and we could do a MN-sponsored washing machine charity single.

And thanks all for the info about switching off the tune...alas, like liz I haven't been arsed haven't got round to finding the manual, so in the meantime I just press different combinations of buttons with increasing levels of impotent rage.

Also I've just remembered a toaster that my ex-flatmate bought from Disneyland...it cooked a mickey-head shape onto your toast, which was obviously a nice novelty for all of about 5 minutes, but it also played (loud enough to wake the house) the Mickey Mouse club theme song when it popped up. Every. Damn. Time. I eventually developed ninja-like reflexes and was able to switch it off at the wall about a nanosecond after it popped.

My washing machine beeps every few seconds for about 5 mins after it finishes. As far as I know there is no way to disable this function.
My plug in door bell has about 20 options for tunes - we have it set to 'ding dong'. But every time the electric goes off it defaults to the first tune which drives DS mad - not only that but it has 2 units in different rooms so i have to scroll through all the tunes on each individual unit to get them back to 'ding dong'. I did set it to Jingle Bells just before Christmas when DS was arriving hme from Uni (and I knew he hadn't got his door key). He wasn't amused
DD has lots of medical equipment that beeps including a feed pump and an airflow mattress. I sometimes imagine I can hear beeps when there are none

We have a little wine fridge which is rubbish anyway but when it gets too warm it beeps at you. What does it expect me to do about it? It's the fridge, not me. It's got one job FFS, to cool things, and if it's doing a shithouse job of it then why complain about it and expect me to take action?

When it did it yesterday I called down the stairs "Stop beeping and do your bloody job" and to DS1's amusement it did.

On our samsung washing machine you press spin and option together to turn off the sound. I quite like the little tune, although I'd be even happier if I could set the tune myself

Google the model and excessive beeping issue. I found a very easy way to stop our microwave and dishwasher beeping me to death and it wasn't burying them in the garden, which was my first thought.

OP if your washing machine is a Samsung, you can silence it by pressing the spin and option buttons at the same time. (First thing I looked up in the manual!)

My washing machine sings a little tune, which I don't mind, but my bloody tumble drier beeps....then beeps again......then beeps again......and so on for an hour. AN HOUR. At thirty second intervals.

At least it stops me setting it off as I go to bed as I know I will have to either lie in bed listening to the intermittent fecking beeping or I'll have to get out of bed to turn the bastard off. I hate it.

Its just the start, you wait. Before you know it we'll all have Talkie Toasters!

Not Beeping is now the No 1 criterion when choosing appliances for this house.

Manufacturers take note.

I LOATHE my washing machine beep. It does 3 beeps TEN TIMES before it gives up!

Our coffee machine is like vulgar's. It's perfectly capable of lower case words, but it rudely orders you to FILL TANK! or EMPTY GROUNDS CONTAINER! with a red exclamation mark. There's just no need. I don't like being ordered around by inanimate objects.

I frequently complain about this, there is constantly something beeping at me for something or other! The dishwasher beeps at me and flashes it's lights, the washing machine beeps at me, then again a couple of minutes later, I think it's the machine equivalent of a nagging partner, then there's the Perfect Prep machine beeping at me 'come on do the formula' followed by 'look at me, I'm all finished!'. Then there's the oven going on, and then being up to temperature and of course the oven timer too. The fridge decides as it's been open for 10 seconds it must beep constantly at me until I shut the door. And what about the microwave, there's that too and that bloomin tumble dryer! That's without my home phone ringing because of some delightful person trying to sell me something, then the mobile goes with text alerts, normally something from EE or some other random crap like voicemails from a month ago, or it rings, normally just as I've got the baby to sleep on my lap, then there's the 'ding' with every Facebook message or email. Not forgetting the low battery alerts. Oh and the doorbell because the neighbours order lots online yet never answer the door to the delivery men.

Then the kids come home from school and do the human version of the beep muuuuuuuuuuum

I don't think our washing machine ever gives up, it beeps at you when it is finished and goes on and on and on every 5 mins until you deal with it.

The microwave only beeps once but then it has a smug 'open the door' message...as if I didn't know how to get the food out.

The dishwasher is quite well behaved, it beeps to tell you it has finished and then again to tell you it is switching itself off.

The noisiest appliances that I ever knew were DHs old toaster and kettle, both of which played a tune when they were done.....a kettle playing a nice little running scale of electronic music before you can have your morning hangover cure coffee....what ever fucking sadist thought that one up?

Now we just have a coffee machine that I swear is more hard work than the baby. You have to feed it (beans and water), empty it's nappy (tray of used beans) and when it turns itself off after and hour it runs water through the nozzle to clean it, so effectively it wets itself!

Oh and of course the fridge that tells you off for daring to open its door for longer than it deems appropriate. One day I'm gong to mad with a lump hammer and kill them all!

Fly me to the moon... eternity

My washer and drier are in an outbuilding and you can still hear the washer beeping, the drier is strangely shy though, resulting in my dashing out at midnight to grab the dry washing to find if isn't as the filter was blocked or some other twattery.

Now, if the washer was a sneaky little tell-tale who ratted out the drier, that would be useful!

Just returning to this thread (you've all made me giggle, btw, sterling work) to say that I found out how to switch the washing machine tune off...and then found I missed it.

I've switched it back on again. This is probably some kind of home appliance Stockholm syndrome.

Send gin.

The passive aggressive washing machine is beeping at me, and I'm stuck on the sofa under a sleeping baby. Whatever I do, one of them is going to be pissed off... Argh!

I adore our job for many reasons but it beeps to tell me I've moved the pan off a ring - I know you twat, I moved it. It beeps if anything covers its controls - fair enough but it considers a squirt of cleaning stuff as an 'unidentified item in the controls area'! I know that's there too you beeping twat - I just sprayed it there!

Luckily the fridge and dishwasher are too shy to beep at me and I've turned off the noises on the washer and dryer.

Still hate the microwave and its 5 bastard beeps - one will do fuckface!

My washing machine argues with me! If you press the wrong buttons (eco wash for a quick wash for example) a little display flashes the word "no"!!! Drives me nuts - I have a nasty feeling its going to come and get me in the night....