to want my kitchen appliances to be less needy?

[LemonShizzleCake]

They're all at it.

The dishwasher beeps about 8 times when it's finished. Then 10 minutes later, if you haven't opened it, it does it again. And so on, apparently forever. Loud enough to hear throughout the entire house.

The microwave is only mildly needy - if you don't open it when it's finished, it waits 30 seconds or so and then squawks at you again, as if you might have forgotten your baked beans chocolate mug cake steamed veggies.

But the piece de resistance is the washing machine, which plays a ridiculously long TUNE at the end of the cycle and I can't find how to turn the sodding thing off. Drives me and DH to distraction.

Anyone else's kitchen appliances need therapy?

Mine are the same!

Dishwasher ... You've not shut me properly... I know I'm not on at the moment but I thought I'd best remind you every few minutes that I am open a little.

Tumble Dryer (the ringleader imo) - I'm done, your washing is dry, I shall now been several times to tell you this! .... What? You don't want the dry washing right now? I'll just spin it a few times more to keep it fresh and give you another set of beeps to remind you, then I'll do this every few minutes to keep you updated....

Washing machine - I'M DONE! Let me play you the jingle of my people!!!!!

The Roomba - I'm done, I'm stuck, I'm lit of battery so I'll play a song, my wheel is caught, my brush can't spin.... (This one is like a child that doesn't want to go to bed)

The fridge is the worst, that guy is a completely bastard for noise. It will alert me to the door being open, despite the door actually being able to go and shoulder barge the fucker to get it to SHUT UP! It seems to have a knack for knowing when you've just settled down and are comfortable before starting and increasing in volume beep, beep, beep, BEEP, BEEP, BEEEEEPPP!!!!!'

Ah yes...The Samsung washing machine tune! There is a way to turn it off but I can't remember how. Will check...

I only buy microwaves with dials as the extra beeping drives me nuts. People comment on how old fashioned it is. Just a ping at the end.

Hate the beepy fuckers.

I feel your pain! Can I add my electric hob which continually beeps if any of the control buttons are covered and won't stop until the offending items are removed. This even happens when the hob isn't hot and I just want to use the space in a small kitchen to put shopping bags down and the fucker beeps like it's timing me putting the stuff away. Aarrgghhhh!! SHUT UP!
I am moving to a house with a gas hob next week

There's a consumer organisation that rates appliances and says which are the quietest, including not having these annoying alerts!

For a lot of washing machines you can google it and find a code (pressing the buttons in a certain order) that will stop the incessant beeping. DH did it for ours (Bosch) and now it only beeps once when it's finished, it used to drive me insane!

LemonShizzleCake sadly not Samsung, it's LG. That would have been wonderful, our song could have gone viral.

We got all new kitchen appliances last summer. They ALL beep and make noises! I don't remember my old ones doing this. Even the robot Hoover thing beeps and plays tunes - sometimes I can't even work out which one is beeping st me as there are so many!

Now I am happy that being old and poor means none of my appliances make any noise at all! I don't even have a microwave, dishwasher or tumble drier - or a door bell come to think of it.

I believe there's a way to disable the beeps on our microwave and washing machine, but I haven't got round haven't been arsed to fishing the manuals out to check how. The washing machine is worst - we can hear the fucker in the living room even with the doors shut.

Yup, Dishwasher, hob and blardy fridge - I actually get nervous when I'm looking for stuff in the freezer, living in fear of being 'timed out'. Feckers.

"My fridge. It can only be open for a minute, until it has a handy beep, beep, beep, beep"

We get around this problem by having a fridge that is over 18 years old - no such beeping woes with that.

My doorbell does the same as yours, lemon - only works if the front door is already open and you are testing it.

I switched off the beeping in our washing machine. Before that I was wondering if the manufacturer was the start of the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation.
You know the ones in the Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy who designed things with genuine people personalities. Came up with Marvin the paranoid android.
I reckon a needy washing machine is just the start. Look at MEEEE. I've washed your clothes, you should be grateful, empty me now. NOW I say. Oh you've forgotten me, after all I've done
BEEEEP ... BEEEEP
No I won't open the door
You need to give me a wash all on my own as Im a special snowflake.
No no , not liquid , it has to be powder
Narsacistic little twerp.

You have been warned

My iron beeps in a whiny way if I leave it 'resting' for too long. You're a flipping iron, of course I need to put you down occasionally. Reminds me of DD as a baby.

Ecofryer thingy beeps when finished. Took me many attempts of pressing the 2 buttons in multiple combinations before I realised it doesn't matter - it only beeps x times.

My cooker, 12 years old and my pride and joy, has a row of plastic buttons on flimsy plastic stalks. Over the years the stalks have become worn/damaged and some no longer reach the thing they are meant to poke. So to set the timer anything I have to swop the buttons round until I get a combo that pokes the right bits. Makes setting the timer a challenge and I've given up trying to set the time. Plus, when the timer beeps, it's messes with my mind as it won't shut off until I press a random combo of buttons.

The machines are taking over, I tell ya!

Oh, thank god it's not just me! We recently got a new (crap) washing machine that plays a jaunty tune when you switch it on or off, and beeps when the cycle ends, and even when you start it (yeah, I know... I just pressed the fucking button, didn't I? )

The cooker beeps when the oven's heated up, or cooled down, or when you take a frigging pan off the hob, or when the rings switch themselves off. The fridge freezer beeps when you leave a door open (fair enough, I suppose, but putting the shopping away is a massive source of stress), and sometimes just because it thinks things are getting a bit too quiet.

It's only the dishwasher that knows how to shut the fuck up.

I actually snorted with laughter st your doorbell being a contrary little shit
I am partially deaf so can't usually hear all the beeps and bleeps which drives DH and DS loopy as I just ignore everything!

The only appliance that beeps in my house is the microwave.

The rest just sit there... Silently judging me for not noticing that they have finished.

Po-faced wee bastards.

My car on the other hand... it takes great delight in beeping at me for all manner of driving crimes. It won't shut up.

My current washing machine is my first beeping appliance, and it enrages me. However I would like a fridge that beeps if you leave the door open for 30 seconds. It wouldn't affect my usage, but would reduce the rage at DW, who deliberately leaves the door open for ten minutes at a time.

I try sweating like a navvy shouting back at my washing machine when it goes on and fucking on with its bleeping. But the bastard thing never gives over

Swearing. Though I sweat as well

This is where you need a 'back' kitchen with sound proof doors so you can put all your annoying appliances in there. (another thread)
Samsung washers you can press and hold the 🎵 button to turn off the tune.

"I try swearing like a navvy shouting back at my washing machine"

I did once throw a cooking utensil at my microwave and shout at it to fucking shut the fuck up once when it kept beeping.

In my defence, I had had a particularly stressful day.

My Miele tumble drier is very needy. It doesn't just beep once or twice when a loads dry, it goes on and on about it.