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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gaming Dilemma

56 replies

Cutecat78 · 17/02/2016 21:25

I made DS1 (now 18) wait until he was 16 to play 18 games. This caused a lot of friction and he was mortified to the point he wouldn't invite and friends around.

DS2 is 13. He has ASD. He doesn't really socialise although does (with friends) over games on his laptop.

For Christmas I got him a (secondhand) Xbox One (he asked for one) and a TV for his room to play on.

He doesn't play on it at all because he only has one game and his mates all play 18 games.

I am adamant he is not playing GTA. But I know he plays 18s at his dad's and I know his brother has bribed him a fiver to not tell me he's played 18 games on his (DS1) PS4.

I wish everyone stuck to the rules (re this) but they don't and I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and am digging my heels in pointlessly and have paid for a gift that isn't being used.

AIBU or do I give up and relax my rules?

OP posts:
blindsider · 18/02/2016 10:15

I am delighted that computer games bored the pants off me, it is raising a generation of uncommunicative Zombies, and what's worse they all think they are macho war heroes :-/

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 18/02/2016 10:34

I have thought about his brother and am going to chat to him first.

He has what was Aspergers and is very high functioning but socially is very inept Sad

He gets very very obsessive about things and is very rude when I try to limit his laptop time.

I think I will go on You Tube and look yes.

OP posts:
Terribleknitter · 18/02/2016 10:41

Cutecat look at gamers like Tom Syndicate on YouTube. He does really thorough walk throughs of games and isn't shy about giving his opinion!

JacquesHammer · 18/02/2016 10:49

I think talking to his older brother is a really good idea. I don't necessarily think ratings are particularly accurate - you need to get yourself familiar with the games to decide whether it is appropriate for your child to play.

I am always gobsmacked when people come on threads like this and talk about banning their adult partners from playing certain games. How controlling?? And "of course, but I'd appreciate you not playing in front of the children" is sensible and nothing like "you cannot have that vile game of Satan in my house"

gamerchick · 18/02/2016 10:52

See it's easy to apply stuff to ourselves and think it's fine for others.

My 16 yr old I don't have a problem with most 18 games because he has the right kind of personality. My youngest with asd will never be allowed to play violent games against humans because he gets obsessed, violent and aggressive IRL... If he's capable of crippling me literally now I don't want to see what he's capable of at 18

GTA has a blanket ban in my house and I couldn't give a toss who thinks it's unreasonable.

I do agree that games like halo and what not I have less of a problem with than games killing humans. There will be a compromise in there somewhere.

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 18/02/2016 11:21

I can't have it in a "public" space in the house as I have younger Dscs.

OP posts:
LilacSpunkMonkey · 18/02/2016 11:31

I approach computer games the same way I approach films. I wouldn't let my 11 year-old watch an 18 Cert film so he's not playing an 18 Cert game. He's allowed 12s, provided I've researched them and am happy with the content.

There will be no online gaming or 18 Cert games in my house until he hits 18. He knows this and he's not happy but tough shit. I'm the parent and I do the parenting. I can't control what he does at other people's houses and that's the part that worries me.

And as for the shite up thread about computer games 'turning people into zombies'. Tired cliché that always gets trotted out on these threads, along with 'adults who game are losers'. I've grown up playing games and now my two boys are into them. Funnily enough both my boys (dd isn't interested) are ahead of themselves at school, are articulate and well-mannered. No zombies here, thanks for the massive generalisation Hmm

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 18/02/2016 11:35

RhiWrites youve ignored the details of just how violent gta can be. I play gta but there's no way I'd let a 13 year old play it. Even I had to step away from the controls after the torture scene. If you play then you know that sometimes it goes beyond 'shooting people in the head' and you shouldn't misrepresent that fact.

Shantotto · 18/02/2016 11:56

Not sure why people are suggesting Fallout 4. The whole game is just shooting hundreds of people. A real disappointment compared to the others.

At least in GTA you could just drive around and deliver pizza or whatever.

Fallout doesn't have the sexual content though if that's what you're most concerned about. Or a torture scene. Anyway I'm not saying you should let him play GTA just that fallout might not be the solution!

jay55 · 18/02/2016 12:00

Can you persuade/bribe/encourage your older one to play some suitable games with him and help him find others who play?

gamerchick · 18/02/2016 12:12

Ahh you just ignore none gamers opinions.. They're always tired old statements that make you roll your eyes.

fabhead · 18/02/2016 12:17

I am also a gamer, of long standing, since I was a kid and am not a loser (own business, nice house, no debts, plenty of friends, reasonable social life, considering dc). I play games as do my dc. I play 18s they don't. No one will ever play GTA in my house. DH is not a gamer so doesn't care but obviously he could if he wanted to. I don't want to play it as I find it offensive. All other games are taken at their merit - with strong nod to the ratings which, you know, have been put there by a panel of experts including child psychiatrists.

My 11y old is allowed to play 12s (once I have vetted them, no issues so far). That's it for now apart from Star Wars battlefront which is actually a 16 but I checked it out and agreed with the widely held view that 16 was a bit stringent and the violence levels are no worse than the movies. He plays all of these downstairs, with me passing through regularly, but in a different room from younger siblings. The minute a younger sibling steps in he has to either pause a 16/12 game or Minecraft Battle mode until they can be persuaded to leave, or I switch of the power. No screens in bedrooms in our house, ever. When ds asks me when can I watch tv in bed/play games in bed like my friends? the reply is "Freshers Week" :)

Everyone has their personal family code, with its own strict rules and compromises. Above is mine. Don't be afraid to stick to yours. You know what is best for your children, not the random game fanboys that always turn up on these thread and think that women don't know anything about computer games and don't have children yet. They'll change their mind when they see one who sees too much, too young - the effects can be truly awful.

RhiWrites · 18/02/2016 17:17

OrangeSquashTallGlass please don't say I'm deliberately misrepresenting a game when I spent some time trying to give helpful details.

I don't know what torture scene you mean but it may be something I haven't got to in GTA5. As I said in my original post the different games are different. I personally found San Andreas the least problematic for violence because of the way it was contextualised. I found Liberty City the worst. GTAIV was between the two and not far into V yet.

I was trying to give a perspective from someone who has played the game which it seems isn't true of a lot of people on the thread.

And yeah, obviously I'm not 13 with ASD and I don't claim to know anything about that situation. All I'm saying is that GTA is nowhere near as bad as its painted and its worth seeing it for yourself. So not misrepresenting at all, actually.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 18/02/2016 17:21

its ok, DH has no interest in playing GTA, so its not an issue, i just, politely, expressed, as one adult to another that i feel the game is violent and misogynist and i didn't feel comfortable with the game being played.. and he agreed.

We've both played earlier versions of it, i just feel the latest with its use of prostitutes and all the 'extras' is ridiculous and unnecessary in a game.

He prefers games like CoD and Halo any way. He recently picked up Star Wars Battlefront which he's not overly enamoured of, he doesn't play any 18 rated games when the dc's are awake.

TBH, i'm the gamer and my standards on whats acceptable are much less strict than DH

The issue some people might not be aware of, is a lot of youngsters with AS can have difficulty in separating reality from make believe and violent games where people die and then come back without any detrimental consequences can make them ot realise how much hurting other people in real life affects them (or so my sons educational psychologist said)

Original poster
Cutecat78 · 18/02/2016 17:24

Yes - I forgot to mention that he ordered himself a cope of The Anarchists Cookbook a few weeks ago.......

OP posts:
Original poster
Cutecat78 · 18/02/2016 17:25

Copy even

OP posts:
Katinkka · 18/02/2016 18:46

It's difficult. I have three boys with asd and I let them play the games. I'm not proud of it but it's a social stigma not to and they are already up against it.

imwithspud · 18/02/2016 18:48

Prostitutes have been 'extras' in GTA from the very beginning. At least from the third one, if I remember correctly - so why people are suddenly shocked at their inclusion in the latest one is confusing to me.

But not liking a game is fair enough, we all have different tastes.

MiaowTheCat · 18/02/2016 19:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrangeSquashTallGlass · 19/02/2016 00:11

'All I'm saying is that GTA is nowhere near as bad as its painted and its worth seeing it for yourself'

Ironic phrasing considering you haven't actually finished a play through yet. Hmm

fabhead · 19/02/2016 08:14

I never understand why these thread always bring out the people saying "it's not that bad" "there have always been protitutes in it" etc. Do they all work for Rockstar games? Why do they care that lotsbof parents won't let under 18s play it? So what? They're bit the target audience of the game, its clearly not suitable for them and its up to the parents. The game is still.massively successful in terms of sales so what does anyone care than under 18s aren't playing it, as per the mature rating?

I've played all of them, V only briefly, really enjoyed Chinatown Wars. My son's aren't playing the recent versions, simple as that. The violence and sexism has become too entrenched, too graphic and they don't need to see what it's like to be a gangster just yet because children find it harder than adults to separate fiction from reality.

imwithspud · 19/02/2016 09:18

Not sure who your post is aimed at fab I don't work for Rockstar Games, I was just correcting another poster who seemed to think that prostitutes in GTA were a new thing.

Just to clarify, I do not condone children playing the game at all, nor do I condone such a game being played when there are children in the vicinity. I just find it weird that someone would 'ban' another grown adult who is capable of making their own informed decisions from playing it.

AdriftOnMemoryBliss · 19/02/2016 11:08

the 'ban' spud is because i dont want the game in the house. If DH wants to go to a mates and play it, he can. He doesn't ftr, but its a house ban on it.

gamerchick · 19/02/2016 11:47

Ive banned it as well. That game has never been welcome in the house right from the days of yore.

Stimpack · 19/02/2016 11:51

Wow, if I banned my partner from bringing a game into the house she'd say tough shit.