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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave DD with DH?

55 replies

BeardedBear · 17/02/2016 15:27

I'm a SAHM so do most of the running around after the DC. DH will be home in 20 mins, we need to leave in 30 (bus) for DS to try out a new sports club. DD will have to sit and watch for an hour. He said we can discuss if I take the car if he's home in time. I'm thinking I can take the bus, he can watch DD whilst he does his exercise routine (what he always tells me to do during the week!) and then come and pick us up. Then I don't have to entertain her whilst DS (asd) is trying out a new activity. Would make my life a lot easier, but is that being lazy? It is technically my 'job' after all...

OP posts:
Gobbolino6 · 17/02/2016 16:02

Are you joking?!? Leave him with DD, take the car and he can make dinner while you're out. If he thinks that's unreasonable, you've got serious issues.

PenelopeChipShop · 17/02/2016 16:02

Sounds like you need to adjust your whole way of thinking! I think my default position would be innocently assume that my DH actually WANTS to spend time with one of the kids immediately on getting home from work and just take the one who needs to go!!

Gobbolino6 · 17/02/2016 16:03

For that matter, he could take DS.

Whatdoidohelp · 17/02/2016 16:05

So your job is 24/7 and his is what? 40 hours a week? He's her dad. Of course he should do his bit!

ImperialBlether · 17/02/2016 16:05

Katenka, I'm not sure why you said: "imperial why does he need to drive there and back. Op can drive I assume."

All I'd said was: "Wouldn't your life be easier still if he acted like a dad, looked after his own daughter and you drove the car there and back?"

FreshHorizons · 17/02/2016 16:10

Once he is home it is his 'job' too.
Wait for him to get home, take the car and DS and leave DD.

landrover · 17/02/2016 16:14

He should take DS

Inertia · 17/02/2016 16:18

Why does this even need to be open to debate? Either you or DH drives your son to the sporting activity, other parent stays home with DD. It isn't your job to be in two places at once.

Purplepicnic · 17/02/2016 16:22

It's only your job while he's working surely? When he's at home, it should be 50/50

Msqueen33 · 17/02/2016 16:30

Two of my kids have asd. Their dad would happily look after all or one so I could take another somewhere (we have three). I'm also a sahm.

Katenka · 17/02/2016 16:38

Sorry imperial I mis read. Blush

Everyone here is assuming it's him that won't look after the dd.

The op seems reluctant to drive. Which may be why the discussion about taking the car is taking place.

But everyone is assuming he won't look after his child. I know sahms who feel guilty leaving their dhs with the kids, even though the dh wants to have time on their own with the kids.

Until op comes back and clarity's details, not sure why everyone is blaming the dh

ChimpyChops · 17/02/2016 16:48

I don't drive so here it would be a case of husband gets home and takes us, then brings daughter home while I watch son, he would probably make dinner too if the children hadn't eaten already or I would put son in the car and he would take him on his own.

If I drove it would be husband gets home, I put son in the car and take him myself leaving daughter with my husband.

Sounds all very complicated now I have written it down but it wouldn't be really. Do you not want to drive op?

pinkyredrose · 17/02/2016 18:50

Your DH won't look after his own kid and says you'll 'discuss' whether you can use the car? What's there to discuss? Is he one of those guys that thinks going to work is the total of his contribution to the household and EVERYTHING else is down to you? If so I'd be considered counselling or seeing a solicitor.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/02/2016 12:42

So did he deign to look after his own child?

Original poster
BeardedBear · 18/02/2016 16:14

Katenka I feel guilty because I know he would rather be able to do some exercise in peace and its a pain to do when DD is trying to climb over you!

No, in the end I took them on the bus because I needed to know how long it would take DD to walk from the bus to the sports hall (12 minutes!) so I could figure out which bus to take next week. Won't be an issue next week as we have to go an hour earlier for the super-mini group so DD can have a go. DH came for the last 15 mins, so DS was pleased he was there and it let DH see how different he is to other kids his age. Poor thing did so well, then right at the last minute hit his head on the goal post :( He was so brave and I had to point out to DH that he was fighting not to cry. He has said he doesn't want to go back, although today he said he enjoyed himself! Hopefully he will try again next week.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 18/02/2016 16:21

Asking him to leave work in the middle of the working day so he can watch your dd and you can have the car is unreasonable. Once he's home both your "working days" are over and you are both in parent mode so what you proposed was totally reasonable.

I'm glad it worked out this time. I hope your dh is usually a hell of a lot more of a team player, though.

Goingtobeawesome · 18/02/2016 16:37

So your DH gets to exercise in peace, be the hero daddy that turns up to watch DS but is actually a shit dad who doesn't know his child well enough to realise he's trying not to cry.

Finola1step · 18/02/2016 16:45

Can we just wind back a bit?

Your dh comes in from work and starts his exercise regime rather than spend time with his dd? I get it that we all need a bit of downtime. But what message does that send your DD? Fair enough if your dh is Mo Farah and your family livelihood depends on it...

LagunaBubbles · 18/02/2016 16:45

You havent addressed the "its my job" thing OP, people have pointed out its called parenting and hes a Dad.

Katenka · 18/02/2016 16:57

I feel guilty because I know he would rather be able to do some exercise in peace and its a pain to do when DD is trying to climb over you!

Well it's tough. I would like to do my hobby on my own. However it's easier for me and dd to go together. She does her class then I do mine. She sometimes joins in on mine. It's called being a family.

You maybe a sahp but he is also a 'P'. The 'P' stands for parent.

YouSaffBridge · 18/02/2016 16:59

I imagine these responses are not what you expected, OP - but then again, you posted the question in the first place, so something must be bugging you here.

The reason so many posters are saying the same thing is that there is something fundamentally wrong in the set up you are describing. Why should you have to take two kids with you, when one could easily just stay at home?

pinkyredrose · 18/02/2016 17:35

Don't fully understand why you took the bus instead of using the car.

Duckdeamon · 18/02/2016 17:41

YABU for avoiding driving: life is much easier driving! (I avoided driving for 15 years but not driving is really limiting in many locations after DC)

YABU for assuming that everything DC related is your "job".

Do you and DH have roughly equal leisure time?

NerrSnerr · 18/02/2016 17:51

I was also someone who used to avoid driving but I now drive as it is much easier, especially with small people to lug about.

It shouldn't have been a question though op, children come before exercise and stuff. He is a parent and while you're both home childcare, housework etc should be 50:50.

LittleBearPad · 18/02/2016 18:37

I'm bewildered. Confused