Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

[Tophat72]

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

I think she should put a percentage of the house in the Will for you. As a goodwill gesture, I think she's being mercenary, it's causing a rift between you, are you not worth a goodwill gesture of what 10 or 20 thousand, what percentage would you be happy with? This will just keep festering.

This kind of messy situation is precisely why you need to make sure a solicitor has sorted it in advance so nobody can have a claim on your home apart from your children. It's the only safe way.

They may have a claim. It's called gaining a 'beneficial interest'.

What I mean is only a fool would give him rights over half a house which I agree with but by getting him to pay half the mortgage and they're are in a relationship and not LL & renter does he have a stake in the property?

She accepts that you pay extra when your 8yr old and your 13 yr old come for two days in every ten!!!!

4 years ago when you moved in she was clear on her terms and has been consistent. You had other options and chose to move in on her terms, but clearly you weren't OK with them and now resent her. So look again at your other options.

Laurie so maybe it's best he doesn't pay half the mortgage but rather half the utilities and maybe take on one himself? Like the council tax?

I can see both sides really. Ideally, I think you should make her a serious commitment and work out with a solicitor what share of the equity you would fairly be entitled to if you paid half the mortgage for the remainder of the mortgage term. I can see you don't want to 'rent' for the rest of your life but equally, it looks like you're trying to get security on the cheap and I'm not sure why she'd want to provide that to you without a long term commitment. And I'd say the same regardless of gender, it's about the fact that nearly all the house has been paid for by her hard work and money is easy to lose, as you've found.

Personally I would suggest you get your own mortgage and pad and crack on with repaying it, then you would be in a position to go joint with her. Not sure how you think you are entitled to a share. Consider her expenses such as stamp duty, interest, solicitors etc. do you seriously think paying a bit of rent entitles you to a share?

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal

Sorry but this is the most important part. If she wants you to pay half the mortgage or else...yeah get your own place.

" 4 years ago when you moved in she was clear on her terms and has been consistent. You had other options and chose to move in on her terms, but clearly you weren't OK with them and now resent her. So look again at your other options."
Actually I take back what I said. Assuming she didn't make false promises I do agree with this

Btw everyone is assuming the poster is a man, has that been confirmed? Could be a woman with a female partner.

It doesn't matter at all. There is a partner with a house and a partner without a house.

No, you are paying a proportion of the rent that's it. If you moved into Sparerooms.com you wouldn't expect to own a percentage of the house you lived in.

But this is supposed to be a loving relationship.

With spare rooms. com he'd have a contract and some rights. (His own room, no housework duties..)

Gardening/ cleaning/ taxi -service/ sex/ childcare/ cooking are all things we don't charge for in a loving relationship!

I would have an honest conversation not about the mortgage, but about the relationship as a whole. Ask her where you see it heading. One option - and I'd say the most sensible - would be for her to put her house on the market, and for the two of you to buy a new property, with very clearly legally delineated contributions/deposits/equity splits on a new mortgage.

If neither of you want to make that commitment, then you're probably better moving out and renting your own place, and just dating, instead of resenting each other silently for not acting in what you each see as the 'right' way.

Laurie there are ways of preventing it but it needs doing before you let anybody move in AFAIK.

Sorry for posting so much but I've had another thought:

Your partner has taken out the mortgage, it is her responsibility to pay it, not yours. You living there makes no difference to her mortgage repayments but the utilities do so pay half of them. If you pay half of her mortgage you may be eligible to claim a stake in the property which she doesn't want.

You're right OP, you don't contribute toward another persons mortgage unless you have sole use of the property, have a stake in the property or love the mortgage holder so unconditionally you'd do anything for them.

When DH and I met, I owned a house - with a mortgage- and he owned a flat- with a mortgage. We sold his flat and got married and he paid off a chunk of my mortgage- equal to what I had paid off. Since then we have paid it off completely. We have a joint savings account and each have an ISA.

I see your point but she has worked hard to buy and pay off this house. You would be unreasonable if you expected to live rent free. Why don't you buy a flat and rent it out so you have an investment property?

I don't think it has been confirmed that op is a man and the dp is a woman. However, in the opening post op refers to them both as divorcees and as marriage has not been an option for gay people for very long, I am assuming he is a he and his partner is a she.

But that is completely by the by anyway.

What is interesting here is the legal standing re. home ownership etc. I have to confess I haven't given this sort of scenario much thought before.

Ignoring that she owns the house, if you were both renting somewhere, you would be paying 50% of the rent, correct? By you not paying "rent" you are living somewhere for free, while she pays for somewhere for herself (and you) to live.

Conversely, by moving in with her you are indeed assisting her financially. You lighten the load on her bills, and you enable her to own her home faster than she currently will. If you move out, her situation (owning a home outright) doesn't change.

If you moved in AFTER the mortgage was paid, would she have asked for something as "rent" then? Would you have been annoyed at the bills then?

If you move out, your bills go up and so does hers. I would split ALL bills 50/50 and the bonus here is the extra savings on what you WOULD be paying for rent and utilities, goes into your own account to pay for your own down payment on a property.

If sexes were reversed my opinion would not change. Moving in together is a mutually beneficial arrangement. She owns her home faster and you aren't paying as much in rent and bills.

SilentlyScreaming, it matters to me because a number of comments upthread had declared that if the situation were "reversed" and the OP was a woman, the consensus of opinion would be more in the OP's favor. RTFT.

This must come up all the time.
When I got with my now husband I moved into the flat he owned and agreed an amount with him to pay towards mortgage and bills. As it turns out we married and I'm now on the deeds. Had we split I'd have moved out without any claim on his property and would have been happy that was fair and reasonable.

If two people are in a relationship (not LL & lodger) and not married and one pays towards a mortgage that they are not named on do they have any claim toward the house? There's no rental contact either.

Not legal, but having previously read on it, yes. If it's specifically asked and labeled as contributing towards mortgage, then it should either be repaid or they'd have a share in the house.

OP I think it a bizarre set up. I agree it leaves you with no ability to create your own security. I don't know why everyone is talking about rent - you are a couple not a landlord and tenant.

But your lives do sound a bit compartmentalised - I'm saying that from what you've said about your kids and your partners non- involvement.

My issue with it all is that you paying to be there at hers will stop you buying your own place which is your future security.

It doesn't sound great and if I were you and a boyfriend put me in your position i would feel put out too. This is about equity not rent. And it's not like you just got together - you're under the same roof together four years! Why would she write you out of her inheritance? - that's awful. If you end up together thirty years do you get turfed out if she dies?

I know of one couple in a similar set up, except the arrangement was he could live on assuming possession of her properties for the remainder of his life after she died (she died last year and they were never married) but when he goes, the properties return to whoever she bequeathed them to in her own family, and are not inherited by his child from his marriage. He's happy with that.

I personally, would move out and buy yiur own place. At least you will have your own security and it will be yours. She does sound very mercenary, and nothing for you in her will, does not sound like she values or cares for you very much.

I haven't read through all the responses, but I think you should be paying 50% of the normal bills a tenant would pay (so not major works on the house like getting the roof fixed or the bathroom done) and an amount of rent based on the market rent of a room. The amount of the mortgage is irrelevant, as is the fact that you are paying for two children and she is not.

That said, after four years of cohabiting and however long you were together before that, I'm surprised that she's not taking an interest in your kids. Have you talked about where you're going? Is marriage on the cards at some point?