Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

[Tophat72]

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

ivykaty44

You've just agreed with me. And I'm fully aware what the threshold is.

A double room in my area of London is around £500 - £900 per month.

I was responding to Peggy's point about 'rented out rooms ' plural, which would take it even higher.

I missed the bit where it was London room being rented

Me again folks. Can I make myself clear. I'm NOT expecting a free lunch or half her house. I WANT to pay more into the pot. I am only asking for my financial contribution to the development of the household to be recognised and taken into account in the event of our separation, (either by her death or through us splitting up) If I cannot be given any kind of security whatsoever then I must make it for myself. I am saving like crazy to build up a nest egg and in doing so doing I'm doing without in other ways. I really don't think anything I am asking for is unreasonable?
P.S. I'm neither a victim of financial abuse nor a 'Cocklodger'. What an offensive term...

I missed the bit where it was London room being rented

Doesn't have to be. I'm far from London and SE and you would be looking at £400 plus a month

I think you need to face the fact, OP, that if you split up, she would fight you every step of the way to ensure you didn't get anything back from your contributions.

What about you pay the bills and she pays the rent (mortgage)

I think she is treating you like a lodger, OP. I can see what people mean when they say you would be paying rent anywhere else.

Surely the main issue here is that the two of you have made a commitment to each other but she wants to treat you like a lodger and benefit from it while you will have nothing to show for it. If you're her partner and you plan to get married or stay together then this is an unfair way to approach things IMHO. Perhaps you ought to reassess the relationship?

Im in the Midlands and rooms average £350 per month, the reason I know this is I use spare room dot com and they give the average rent for a room in each area.

If it's a shared house thevrent is often more than this as it's immaterial, but if it's a live in landlord often the rent is less. Even £400 pound a month will often not have to pay tax as you may have an empty room for one or two months a year.

I would not let another man have a huge chunk of my assets ever again. One already was bad enough on my divorce. it is not fair on my children and their inheritance. I would not stop a new man buying his own property and letting it out whilst living here if he wanted to build up security (I have paid off my mortgage now and I want everything to go to my children).

What about you pay the bills and she pays the rent (mortgage)

Why should he pay all the bills? Half maybe.

Well OP, after yesterday evening's update I would be feeling that really it is time to call it a day and move on. There doesn't really sound like a lot of love floating around that house IMO. Hope the future works out for you though.

I'd like to know more about how you " lost your house " in your divorce . Was your ex awarded 100% of the house or did she buy you out ? If so, what happened to that money ?

Or are you still paying towards a mortgage on a house which you both own, which is to be sold at a later date ?

Did your ex get the house in lieu of your share of a pension or other savings ? Do you pay less maintenance towards your children because she got all of the house ?

I see that you children live with you 20% of the time .

The OP has already stated that his ex got the house so that he could preserve his pension.

Thnaks I missed that . So the partner has savings in her own house and the OP has savings in the form of a pension.

I don't see what the problem is . She has chosen to put her money into her house, she has no kids and a good job.

The Op has put his money into having kids and his pension. Different lifestyle choices.

If he ( assuming the OP is male ) gets a share in her house, she should get a share of his pension . Both a roof over your head and an income in retirement are necessary for long term security.

OP what she has done can be classified as financial abuse. That doesn't make you a 'victim', it doesn't make anyone a victim.

I think you to need to grasp the fact that this woman is never going to recognise your financial contribution, certainly not with an interest in the house.

That what you ask is reasonable is not in question and the law supports you in that, however this woman has not been resonable from the start.

You need either to cut your losses and insist she agrees you'll pay half the bills some maintenance costs and no more, or give up, buy your own place and move out.

It's quite possible that this is a relationship of convenience for her.

That would be fair if she were giving him money each month to put into his pension. However, she isn't giving him money, they have separate finances and share bills. The only bone of contention is that he doesn't want to put money into paying off the mortgage and doing up the house if this money is improving the value of her assets but doing nothing for his. He could be topping up his pension with that money, or buying his own house with it, instead, which would be much more sensible from his perspective!

If he ( assuming the OP is male ) gets a share in her house, she should get a share of his pension . Both a roof over your head and an income in retirement are necessary for long term security

Why should she get his pension? She is paying nothing into it whereas the OP is paying towards her mortgage with no security. In fact at times paying more in than the DP!

Using DeoGratias's logic, he shouldn't be letting this woman take his children's inheritance off them, but should invest it in something of his own to pass onto them...

Kr1stina

But the OP's DP isn't paying anything towards his pension where as he is paying towards the house.

I haven't read the whole thread, but would this be a fair way to resolve it?

On date X, when you start contributing to the mortgage, the house is worth £500,000.

Your contributions are £500 a month.

At the point at which you split up/she dies, you've paid £12,000 towards the house. At that point the house is worth £600,000.

You get out your £12,000 back, increased by the same percentage as the value of the house, so £14,400.

I'm wondering why the op does not leave sooner? Or if he feels that he needs to stay longer to be able to afford to save like mad

IShouldBeSoLurky - that is exactly what the OP has said he thinks would be fair. It's also what the law thinks is fair, unless people have agreed otherwise. It's what I would think was fair if I was in a loving relationship. To be treated otherwise would send a very clear signal to me that love didn't enter into it, and I was just part of a convenient financial arrangement with respect to which it was my lookout if the deal didn't actually seem so great for me in the long term.

Also if one in a couple earns more which means they can borrow more and so get huge equity gains why should the lower earner in equity get a share of that when say their £13k a year minimum wage would only let them borrow say £35k?

If they want to be more equal at 55 he can cash in his pension and coudl use the capital from that to pay off a lot of the mortgage and the house at that point be put into joint names if they have put in half the capital each.

? The lower earner should still be entitled to the profits from the share that they put in.

Your desire to maximise your children's inheritance doesn't really fit with your logic about adults earning their own money and not sponging off anyone else, DeoGratias. Are you only saving up for them whilst they are still minors, and then planning to give it all away to the donkey sanctuary?