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Original poster

Is it fair to be expected to pay half her Mortgage?

1000 replies

Tophat72 · 16/02/2016 19:46

Hi there. I'm looking for some impartial comment on what has become a huge issue between my partner and me.

We are both divorcees but although with similar salaries, have very different financial commitments. I have two children I am financially responsible for while she is childless and comfortably well off. She has her own large home and only has 5 years left to pay on her mortgage. I lost my house in my financial settlement with my ex.

I live with my partner in her home. Before moving in with her, I had to sign a legal agreement acknowledging that I have no claim whatsoever on any percentage of the house in the event of our separation. The house is hers and hers alone. Furthermore, I am not catered for in any way in her will. Should she die, the house and her entire estate goes to her sister and nephew...

My partner believes that all the household expenses, including her mortgage payments, should be split 50-50 between us. I however am adamant that given the circumstances, I should not be contributing towards the purchase of her house and I am only prepared to pay for my share of the other household bills (utilities, council tax, groceries etc)

This has become a huge bone of contention between us and sadly things are looking terminal.

Her position is that paying half of her outstanding mortgage should be looked upon by me as paying a modest rent as if she were my landlady. She also quite rightly points out that I am still living very cheaply and if I were to get a place of my own my monthly outgoings would be well over twice what I currently pay her. She feels that I earn the same as her and live under the same roof so I should pay the same.

From my perspective, I have absolutely no objection to going 50-50, but only if she is prepared to afford me some kind of proportionate security or stake in the house in the event of our separation or her death. I don't see why I should contribute 50% towards the ongoing purchase of a capital investment that I have a 0% share in. I feel as though she wants to have her cake and eat it, keeping everything to herself while expecting me to pay for an equal share of, well nothing.

I've tried to write this as objectively as I can. Obviously her friends and family support her position and my friends and family mine. For my own peace of mind, I would be really keen to read the thoughts of a truly neutral observer. Cheers

OP posts:
JohnLuther · 17/02/2016 09:53

He doesn't want to live rent free either, get your facts right.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 09:53

Blondeonatreadmill

What a warped sense of reality you have - He is paying half her mortgage (you know the thing that is buying HER house) - no one is suggesting he should have half the house just the proprtion that corresponds to the mortgage he has paid .

For instance she has bought a house for £100K for a 50K mortgage

If over the last 5 years and the next 5 years (what is left on mortgage) he has paid 10K of that mortgage figure he would be entitled to 10% of the value of the house.

JohnLuther · 17/02/2016 09:54

Oh it's Blonde, ignore her she lacks comprehension Grin

blindsider · 17/02/2016 09:55

some of the attitudes on here would give gold diggers a bad rep :-O

blindsider · 17/02/2016 09:55

*good rep Blush

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/02/2016 09:56

Oh raaaaah! I just literally cannot stand the fact that some exceptionally thick people cannot see the grey areas here, and insist that all is black and white.

How exceptionally fucking rude to claim someone is a cocklodger and a skinflint!

BoneyBackJefferson · 17/02/2016 10:01

Bogeyface

I agree with you.

When I posted that some people should look up the term cocklodger. It was because some posters were saying that the OP was one, when he doesn't fit the definition as he is paying his way.

BlondeOnATreadmill · 17/02/2016 10:02

Thanks JohnLuther charming as always. If you can't address a comment, throw an insult? What are you, 12?

If you think he should live there rent free, that's your opinion. I don't agree.

He has acknowledged that if he rented his own place, that his outgoings would be double.

I don't understand, why he can't just be thankful that he's living in a nice house with his bills being half what they would be, had he not met her.

Why does he have to want a stake in her house? Maybe I am too soft, but I wouldn't do this to anyone. I'd just be bloody grateful.

She doesn't get any stake in his previous marital home.

You don't need to reply, I'm off for a very long run. I just don't get some people!

SarfEast1cated · 17/02/2016 10:02

the thread has been pretty civilised up until now though - thankfully. Hope it all sorts itself out OP, I'm leaving before the fight starts!

Marynary · 17/02/2016 10:02

I think that if a cohabiting partner contributed to the mortgage or improvement to the house and there was no contract showing that they were a lodger then they might be entitled to a proportion of the house. I think it would depend on individual circumstances (e.g. how long you had lived in the house) and would involve solicitors/courts though.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 10:04

Blonde

She doesn't get any stake in his previous marital home.

I am sure she would if she had paid half hi mortgage!!

JohnLuther · 17/02/2016 10:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 10:05

*his

no73 · 17/02/2016 10:11

This has been quite interesting and one of the reasons that I would not have anyone live with me. I would not be prepared to give up any share in my house to another bloke, after having an ex try and force me to sell it there is no way I would risk it.

It's my house and will be left to my DS and thats that, there would be no compromise on that at all. However, I would expect a token rent and would not expect anyone to pay towards any upkeep etc.

I don't think this necessarily makes me a heartless bitch who would not value the relationship I was in (never going to happen though, been far to put off) it just means I am protecting what I see is mine.

I wouldn't have a joint bank account either though.

Its a tricky one though as I do see his point but then he doesn't have to live their if he doesn't like it.

Crazycat77 · 17/02/2016 10:13

I'm going to back your partner as I'm in the same situation and have kept everything financial separate! Having been burned before I wouldn't put myself in that situation again!

I'm questioned every month about where his money goes and he is in a much better area and house than where he came from! I do earn more and have a better job but that's as a result of what I've worked hard to achieve - he expects everything to be handed on a plate - good gig if you can get it!

If he's not happy with the arrangement he knows where the door is and he's still here! I won't be holding onto his ankles if he changes his mind one day!

If I die everything I own goes to our daughter

ricketytickety · 17/02/2016 10:13

All the ifs and buts aside, she doesn't want to share her asset with you and that is her right. So you need to buy your own property if you don't want to continue to lodge. Can't see any other route for you.

DinosaursRoar · 17/02/2016 10:15

Agree she should be paying tax on the money he gives her if he's officially "just a tenant" - if he's a partner, after 4 years he should be treated as such. paying half the bills, but not hte mortgage would be fairer, she'd be paying the mortgage alone without him there, but the rest of the bills would vary, and an agreement the mortgage money should be used to either buy a 'buy to let' property so he is also able to build up equity in a property (that he would be doing if he wasn't living with the OP, he said he would buy not rent), or can invest elsewhere so he also has some long term security.

The OP's DP seems to want to put him in a vunerable situation, made him sign away any right to her assets, fine, but also wants his financial assistance to pay for her asset and remove his opportunity to build his own financial security. It's far from a 'loving' approach from her, she won't help support him, and won't leave him any money if she dies, fine - but also won't help him build his own financial security. She is actively making him dependent on her goodwill long term.

Does she genuinely not care about his future? Not giving him a share if they split up is one thing, but to not leave her DP anything in her will or make him a beneficary of her life insurance etc, favouring a sibling over him (so not like leaving everythign to her own DCS) is frankly odd after 4 years of cohabiting. After a year of living together, DH and I were each other's life insurance beneficaries.

There's a big difference between "I don't want you to take my money if we split up" and "If I die while we are still together, I don't really care what happens to you." It sounds more like you are a tenant she has sex with, not her 'family', not her 'partner'. She should pay tax on what you give her now, and you should plan to leave and build your own financial security without her. Let her take in a real lodger.

Is this the only area of your relationship where she's selfish?

Theoretician · 17/02/2016 10:15

There's no right or wrong. An arrangement where payments buy a share of the house would be perfectly fair. An arrangement where payments (of roughly the same amount) are considered rent, and continue for as long as you live there, is also perfectly fair, provided the rent amount is fair.

She wants the latter, she is perfectly reasonable to want it, and entitled to insist on it, and you agreed when you moved in she could have this option. To be honest it is a simpler and clearer arrangement. It probably does make more sense for unmarried couple who aren't going to have children together.

She's calculated "rent" in an odd (wrong) way, the size of mortgage payments should be irrelevant. However it sounds like the end result is probably about right, or even on the low side, so not worth complaining about. (On the household maintenance front, I suggest that any big bills are funded by borrowing against the house, and you will pay your share through your share of the mortgage, if you continue to live there, but if you split the whole of the remaining bill becomes hers.)

I don't agree with the lack of "tenant rights" being a major issue, the problem of not having those is more than offset by the (presumably) below-market rent.

If you really want a share of the house now, the fair thing would be to buy it from her at its current price, if she were willing to sell, which it sounds like she isn't.

It might be best to keep quiet. If she continues to calculate "rent" the way she does, she may not charge you anything when the mortgage is paid off. That will mean she is subsiding you, thereafter. (Nothing wrong with that, people do subsidise financially weaker partners.)

MitchellMummy · 17/02/2016 10:16

Although I think you should be paying rent I also think that you should perhaps be putting aside money so that in the event of a split then you would have some capital to fall back on.

blindsider · 17/02/2016 10:16

No73

I would not be prepared to give up any share in my house to another bloke,

You wouldn't be giving it up he would have bought a chunk of it!!

angelos02 · 17/02/2016 10:18

I can see your side OP. It seems unfair that you are helping to pay off her mortgage while you get no return in future. I would see a solictor if I was you.

It isn't the same as renting from a landlord as you are partners.

Theoretician · 17/02/2016 10:18

Don't get me wrong: I think she could be more generous, and I would be in her position. There is a spectrum of possible financial generosity in relationships, she is towards once end of it, but she has not gone off the scale of what is reasonable.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 17/02/2016 10:22

I can see why you are at an impasse op. I can't get my head round some of the replies on your thread!

To all the people saying "if you didn't live with her you would be paying rent elsewhere" I would just like to say again, he could be paying a mortgage elsewhere.

To the people saying "buy a btl place of your own as security" perhaps he can't afford to do that if he also has to pay 50% of his partner's mortgage?

WishingWell2016 · 17/02/2016 10:24

I think you are asking the wrong question. You should be asking yourself how best to rebuild your assets post divorce. Where and how does your current financial arrangements fit into that?

GruntledOne · 17/02/2016 10:28

If OP is going to have a share of the house, then his partner should have a share of the capital from the house he sold.

What house would that be? Based on the information in the thread, he hasn't sold a house. And even if he had, she wouldn't have a claim to it unless she had contributed substantially to the cost of that house.

Sorry. I agree with her. You have to pay for a roof if you rent. You never get anything back.

He doesn't rent.

If you want a property, buy one and rent it out. What's stopping you?

Maybe the fact that a hefty proportion of his available income is going towards his partner's mortgage and the expenses on her house?

It's not just the mortgage that the rent money is paying though is it? I would assume that she will be the one paying for repairs, large appliances etc? The rent payment would also be towards the wear and tear on her house. She shouldn't have to shoulder this burden entirely herself when OP and his children are substantially contributing towards it.

Why assume that, when he says he's paying 50% of household bills?

As for BlondeonaTreadmill: try reading what the OP says before jumping in with your opinion. Otherwise you do tend to look like a bit of a dick.

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