really need some advice regarding dc's father - aibu or him?

[user1455564583]

Hi really need some advice but not sure who to ask and have just stumbled apon this site.

I had DS when I was 16, I was 'forced' and found things very hard.

His father never looked back, obviously.

He is not 12 (my ds) and has been having more and more questions, I have tried phrasing it the best I can but he really would love a dad as all his friends keep bragging about the lovely things they do together.

Ds didn't return from school one day, I went out looking and he was outside school and he told me about how his dad had taken him out to Costa, etc. I was absolutely fuming. At first I assumed it was someone grooming him, but I got him to describe him and it was him.

There is not court case or anything so I'm not sure what his dad's rights are/how 2 explain things to him, thanks xxx

My son doesn't know who he is... As in, he couldn't possibly have spoken to him before.

Yes, I'm on Facebook but DS isn't

Wait, so you were raped as a teenager by an older man, and now your rapist has started a 'relationship' with the child that resulted from that rape, without ever thinking to mention that to you?

This man has absolutely no rights - he's not on the birth certificate - and what he is doing is wrong. I think you should get the police involved. They will be able to advise you on how to log his instances of stalking and harassing you (because that's what he is currently doing) with a view to getting an injunction to stop him coming anywhere near you both.

As regards your son, you can tell him something age-appropriate about how this man is dangerous, and how it's not safe for him to be near either of you.

No. I think you just need to start thinking sensible.

Call the police 101 and tell them the situation. They will be intrested. They may be able to contact him and ask what's going on

I'm sorry OP, but Facebook is probably how he found you. I'm wondering if you have mutual friends on Facebook.

Try phoning Rape Crisis see if they have someone you can speak to 0808 802 9999

Get support, type in "rape support + your local area" some local charities might pop up for you, I've just googled and seen some show up for Tyneside, West Yorkshire, London etc.

You could try the Survivors Trust www.thesurvivorstrust.org/

Or contact Women's Aid who might be able to house you short term? 0808 2000 247

Don't forget you can always phone the police on 111

Keep trying until someone listens.

Whoops, police are on 101 not 111

If you are considering going to the police OP, they are MUCH much better than they were 12 - 13 years ago. They would be more likely to listen sympathetically rather than dismissing you again.

I'm so sorry this man is doing this to you. It's re-abusing you all over again.

I really want my son to know, if he knew, he would never go near him, he always wants to protect me, he's such a star.

I just don't want him feeling bad about himself because he was made by him and not 'wanted' when of course he is and I would go through it all again for him, he was worth it and more, but you know... He's at that age and he's more sensitive than some boys his age

You've went through such an horrific experience and I'm sorry, because it sounds like you didn't get the support you needed, at the time. I would be concerned about letting your son know that he was the result of a rape at this very young age, as you don't know how this would impact on his view of himself, ifkwim. Definitely tell him that husband father is violent, arose us an act if violence, and unpredictable.

I think you should go to the police and report him and the fears that you have. You need help to deal with how you can best tell your son, if it comes to that. Mumsnet is a brilliant place for advice but regarding dealing with the fallout that may come from this, you may need RL, professional help.

Have you found out, in more detail, how the piece of shit knew who your son was and what made your son so ready to believe him?

Sorry I don't know how husband appeared there. My typing is crap today.