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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off at DD's nursery?

49 replies

CinnamonBunYou · 15/02/2016 15:59

Went to pick DD up from nursery today. It's school holidays so there are school age children at the nursery this week. Went to Preschool to collect DD and they had put all the school age children in with preschool and it was absolute mayhem in there. It annoys me when they do this because I don't think it's fair on the toddlers to be with up to nine and ten year old's all day and they have toys and stuff that aren't appropriate for under three's. They have a separate room for out of school.

I heard someone crying as soon as I opened the door and looked around and it was DD. She was sat at a table with her back to a wall, the table to her right, one boy about six knealt next to her on her left and another knealt in front kind of trapping her in and one had hold of her hands. She was really upset, distraught in fact, and I have never seen her like that. None of the staff even went up to her despite one being stood about two foot away. I shouted her and the two boys let go of her and then pretended to be comforting her and then the member of staff who was stood close by clocked me and tried to come over and attempt to comfort but it was definitely only for my benefit. I ignored her and picked DD up, who was still sobbing, and took her to put her coat on and then three other members of staff, including the first staff I mentioned, came over and was then all over DD asking what was wrong and saying she had only just started crying.

DD was proper upset and didn't stop crying the whole time which isn't like her and it wasn't just morngy/tantrum crying, it was real sobbing and she seemed really out of sorts - I can't explain it but she just wasn't right. All her face was red and blotchy so I know for a fact she had been crying a while.

I didn't say anything to anyone because the room was so loud and kids were running around and seeing DD like had knocked me sick and I just wanted to get out of there.

Once we got a bit further down the road she stopped crying but she wasn't right for ages and wouldn't look at me or answer me properly and it sounds daft but she seemed traumatised! I'm definitely not one of the PFB mums either so I'm not exagerrating and I definitely don't wrap DD in cotton wool. I also don't expect them to be at her beck and call and drop everything as soon as she cries, I know they are busy.

Aibu to be pissed off at this?

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 15/02/2016 16:02

Not at all, but I'd be even more upset that you could just walk in and approach your daughter without staff members having to let you in or be aware that you were there.

Sounds a very silly arrangement they have during school holidays!

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/02/2016 16:03

omg that's dreadful. your poor dd.

I don't think I'd ever send her back. the older kids have no business there

Goingtobeawesome · 15/02/2016 16:05

You've seen you can't trust these staff members to behave correctly.

Hope your child is happier now. You really should have had a word about their unacceptable response but it isn't too late. You could have said you needed a word somewhere quiet.

rageagainsttheBIL · 15/02/2016 16:06

YANBU, that set up sounds terrible and inappropriate. I wouldn't be happy for my 2 year old to be in with a load of 10 year olds either, especially if they aren't being carefully watched. And its not fair on the older kids either.

Cheby · 15/02/2016 16:07

YANBU. Are they still open? I'd ring up now and ask to see a manager in the morning to explain how your DD is being safeguarded while in this new arrangement. Id be terrified if my almost 3yo had a bunch of primary aged kids dumped into her nursery class. Bigger kids running around are far more likely to injure little ones, I'd be worried about that if nothing else.

fragglesprocket · 15/02/2016 16:10

There's something in the eyes that states you can have older children in your setting but this cannot impact upon the care of younger children.

fragglesprocket · 15/02/2016 16:10

EYFS!!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/02/2016 16:11

I would be very unhappy about this, If they're still open I'd be calling and asking for the Manager and express your unhappiness at the lack of apparent care shown towards your dd as you saw it.

teeththief · 15/02/2016 16:15

YADNBU and I know that crying you mean as I've seen my DD like it once. In fact your description of it has made me feel as sick as I did that day.

I'd be in to speak to the manager tomorrow morning. Is there anyone who can have your DD for you while you sort things out? I'd really not be happy with 10 year olds in a room with 2 year olds in that sort of setting...for either age group

I hope your DD feels better soon Flowers

MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2016 16:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
CinnamonBunYou · 15/02/2016 16:23

She's fine now thanks, I bought her some strawberries on the way home and she soon perked up.

Never had a problem with anything like this before and she has been there since she was 9 months old. She enjoys being in preschool with friends her own age but I think she might find the older children too much and I don't think it's good for them to be all mixed.
I have rang up but no management are in so no one for me to speak to Angry will have to wait until tomorrow.

OP posts:
JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 16:23

Yes fragile is right, the nursery can do this, however they need to risk assess for the different ages, and plan for the mixed abilities. They need to be able to prove they can meet each child's needs, which they don't sound like they have.

If I were you I would call the nursery now and ask to speak to manager before they go home. I would say something along the lines of "I noticed my daughter was sobbing and two of the older children appeared to be grabbing at her and causing her upset. Can you please tell me why she wasn't comforted by the member of staff standing close to her, and what will be been done to ensure this won't happen again tomorrow/the rest of the week?"

Try not lose your cool, they need to give you reassurances that they are able to deal with these extra children.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/02/2016 16:29

I wouldn't use that setting during school holidays

JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 16:29

Ahh just seen that manger left. There must be someone who has been left in charge though? I would call back and let them know you want to speak to manager tomorrow, as soon as one gets in

mumofsnotbags · 15/02/2016 16:33

YANBU. My sons nursery have after school club so whenever I go to get him around 4.30ish there will be children of all ages from the attached school in the room with the pre schoolers.

I let it go at first but when he started coming home saying he was going to Kill us, or kick us, or tried to punch me or saying that he was learning karate (queue him kicking his dad in the face) I'd had enough.

He was picking up a lot of bad habits from these 9 10 year olds which I didn't want him to have so I put a complaint in. Eventually they agreed (I later found others had also complained about the standards in the room), so now they have a separate room away from the pre schoolers.

All day with them would be horrible for your dd and I certainly wouldn't want to be paying for my child to cry all day long being tormented by older kids.

EweAreHere · 15/02/2016 16:34

It sounds like the staff member(s) were oblivious or lying to you based on what you've written and seen. Very poor.

YADNBU. And please complain formally.

LemurFingers · 15/02/2016 16:35

That is awful

ReadyPlayerOne · 15/02/2016 16:38

My kids nursery does this on occasion, mixes two of the rooms together. I've never had a problem with it though as the staff are on the ball and watching the interactions between the different ages.

The issue with your nursery is that they clearly weren't paying due care and attention and yes you should raise it with the manager.

MrsDeVere · 15/02/2016 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 16:45

It can work, mixing ages, if it's prepared for and if the staff are interacting and aware of what's happening. It sounds to me like they were not in control of this situation at all. That's why I would say something. But I would call again tonight and say you want to speak to manager tomorrow, and can whoever is left in charge tonight leave a note for manager to call you, that way you can't change your mind, and they take you seriously.

Sunnyshores · 15/02/2016 16:46

Your not going to change nursery's mind about how they operate re mixed ages. You can however check their arrangements for OFSTED approving it.

But how theyve treated DD is another matter and it sounds awful, poor little thing. Def speak to the manager tomorrow and put it in writing.

NewLife4Me · 15/02/2016 16:47

I'd inform ofsted and never send her back tbh.
It's amazing how many nurseries do put on a show for parents that is totally different from when they aren't there.

toffeeboffin · 15/02/2016 16:52

You need to send her to a different nursery. A three year old and a ten year old are worlds apart.

Sound like a horrible experience - where the fuck were the staff?

I'd be pissed. You need to talk to the mothers of the two boys too.

MrsDeVere · 15/02/2016 16:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 16:59

I suppose it would depend on how they are looked after throughout the day MrsDeVere- as a Cm I do this on a regular basis. However I obviously run on a smaller scale and the children know each other and I am prepared for it.

In this instance though it clearly has not worked but just from the OP I would hazard a guess that this could have been avoided. Glad your DD has cheered up!