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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off at DD's nursery?

49 replies

CinnamonBunYou · 15/02/2016 15:59

Went to pick DD up from nursery today. It's school holidays so there are school age children at the nursery this week. Went to Preschool to collect DD and they had put all the school age children in with preschool and it was absolute mayhem in there. It annoys me when they do this because I don't think it's fair on the toddlers to be with up to nine and ten year old's all day and they have toys and stuff that aren't appropriate for under three's. They have a separate room for out of school.

I heard someone crying as soon as I opened the door and looked around and it was DD. She was sat at a table with her back to a wall, the table to her right, one boy about six knealt next to her on her left and another knealt in front kind of trapping her in and one had hold of her hands. She was really upset, distraught in fact, and I have never seen her like that. None of the staff even went up to her despite one being stood about two foot away. I shouted her and the two boys let go of her and then pretended to be comforting her and then the member of staff who was stood close by clocked me and tried to come over and attempt to comfort but it was definitely only for my benefit. I ignored her and picked DD up, who was still sobbing, and took her to put her coat on and then three other members of staff, including the first staff I mentioned, came over and was then all over DD asking what was wrong and saying she had only just started crying.

DD was proper upset and didn't stop crying the whole time which isn't like her and it wasn't just morngy/tantrum crying, it was real sobbing and she seemed really out of sorts - I can't explain it but she just wasn't right. All her face was red and blotchy so I know for a fact she had been crying a while.

I didn't say anything to anyone because the room was so loud and kids were running around and seeing DD like had knocked me sick and I just wanted to get out of there.

Once we got a bit further down the road she stopped crying but she wasn't right for ages and wouldn't look at me or answer me properly and it sounds daft but she seemed traumatised! I'm definitely not one of the PFB mums either so I'm not exagerrating and I definitely don't wrap DD in cotton wool. I also don't expect them to be at her beck and call and drop everything as soon as she cries, I know they are busy.

Aibu to be pissed off at this?

OP posts:

Meeep · 15/02/2016 17:00

I wouldn't send her back actually. I don't think I could trust them again.

CottonSock · 15/02/2016 17:03

I would look for another Nursery too!

MrsDeVere · 15/02/2016 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 17:13

Yes very valid point MrsDeVere.

It is becoming more popular near me to offer this type of service though and I have worked in a nursery where it worked well. But it's hard work and is only successful if staff are fully on the ball.

Original poster

CinnamonBunYou · 15/02/2016 17:22

I am annoyed they mix ages but the main issue was them ignoring her and wondering what exactly the two boys were up to. The member of staff near to DD wasn't a preschool member of staff and her key worker wasn't anywhere to be seen so I'm wondering if she was on lunch or off sick or something because she is always there everyday when I go to collect DD and she is a lovely woman. I will ask her tomorrow and tell her what happened.

Like I said I've never really had any problems and usually when I go DD is tired and sat on one of the preschool staff's knees. Seeing her so upset has really got to me and it made me feel sick.

OP posts:

JeanGenie23 · 15/02/2016 17:57

To those posters who mentioned OFSTED- what would you tell them exactly? I fully agree that OP should make an enquiry into what happened and why the staff were not watching what Was going on, but calling Ofsted and making an accusation is a big deal, and could put unnecessary stress on staff. For all we know they are operating within ratio, and this was one unfortunate incident at the end of the day. I am not saying that complaints should never be made to Ofsted but it's worth taking a moment to see if it's warranted. I am not convinced from the OP that it is in this case.

Sunnyshores · 15/02/2016 18:05

I only mentioned Ofsted re checking what th rules about staffing/child ratios in mixed classes. If the nursery was understaffed then Id report it to ofsted, but if it was staffed legally then no ofsted wouldnt need to be involved.

Tanith · 15/02/2016 19:10

Is this an after school club mixing with the nursery, or is it staff bringing in their own children during the holidays?

If it's the latter, that would explain the mayhem and lack of planning. It's also much easier to deal with - one of our local childrens centres was doing it and the manager finally banned staff from bringing their children in.

As MrsD says, at a childminder's house, it's more like siblings who know each other and are used to each other. The problems occur when the two age groups are suddenly put together when they don't know how to treat each other. It's a recipe for disaster.

I would most certainly complain and I would seriously consider removing my child based on all the information you give in your OP.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/02/2016 19:27

YNBU. It makes you think. How long had the poor little lamb been crying for and being ignored until you got to her aid.
They actually stood there like lemons whilst this was going on. Seems like a serious safe guarding issue to me.
I remember my B.I.L went to collect my nephew from nursery, and he got there and he was sobbing his poor little heart out and the staff were just sitting there. chatting shit.. I don't doubt. BIL went mad, and told my sister in no uncertain times that he was not going back there.

Natsku · 15/02/2016 19:34

Poor little girl. Age mixing can work (DD's daycare class is age 1-6) but up to 10 is quite a big age difference and the staff need to actively make it work which they clearly weren't doing. Complain for sure!

AntiHop · 15/02/2016 19:42

Yanbu. My dd's nursery has a similar set up with a primary school age after school club. It's a small nursery and they often mix the pre school ages together for example for breakfast. But the school age children are always separate.

Trojanhorsebox · 15/02/2016 19:50

The daycare my kids went to took children for before and after school care and walked them to and from the nearby school. There were separate staff for the school children at those times and they did not mix in with the younger kids. They took school kids in the holidays too and took on extra staff in the summer so they could go on field trips etc. It worked really well - key points being it was planned for and staffed appropriately.

PagesOfABook · 15/02/2016 22:04

No way should the ages be mixed

One day when I collected DS age 3 he was in with the school kids because it was the end of the day and it was easier to put them in one room and let the staff go home early. I told the nursery this was not to happen again and it didn't. 3 yr olds are a lot more innocent than school children. I have an older DS who is in year 2 and I would not want him in with small children I would be afraid he'd accidentally hurt a younger child.

I had a bad experience with nursery staff previously - not all of them by any means are angels who love children. Some of them aren't suited to it - it's just a job. They don't all love children. I imagine it's a difficult job listening to children crying and squabbling all day and it would take someone with the right personality to be able to do it well.

Baconyum · 16/02/2016 05:43

As a former cm but my daughter went to an excellent nursery/holiday/after school care centre the following would be issues I would raise with the manager:

Why are you able to reach your daughter without any of the staff noticing? The nursery dd attended had a doorbell with a separate tone for collecting parents to one for the postman etc. Visitors could clearly be seen through the glass door. All parents had to provide photo id for 2 people who were allowed to collect the child. More than 2 could be negotiated but was discouraged so that the staff were used to who was collecting which child. Parents waited in the reception area whilst their child was fetched.

The building had large scenic windows through which you could see the children, when I was first researching nurseries they were the only one that didn't require me to make an appointment, they simply asked that I not visit at lunchtime or too close to closing time, in other words, come by whenever we've no secrets.

The children were separated into different rooms by age groups, they would occasionally come together for joint activities bit this was very well organised and monitored. Why is this place not doing the same?

Are they meeting the requirements regarding ratios and monitoring of behaviour and provision of organised activity? Doesn't sound like it to me.

Why was a manager not there for the entire opening time given this was clearly a more busy than usual day? Did they tell you when a manager would be available? Was an apology given?

Where was your child's key worker? They are of course entitled to holiday etc but it doesn't sound like anyone was particularly responsible for your child.

And most importantly why was a clearly very distressed, very young child being ignored? I'd be furious if this were my dd.

Frankly I'd be looking to move your child elsewhere.

IdaJones · 16/02/2016 06:15

Yanbu. Your poor dd.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 16/02/2016 07:03

Its the supervision that's the problem not the mixed age group in and of itself - I am shocked by the poster (not OP) saying a nursery totally segregates 2-5 year olds into separate age bands (polar opposite of say a Montessori approach which recognises the myriad benefits of mixed age groups, tough with an average age range of about 3 years not toddlers and 10 yos).

It is perfectly reasonable to have 2-5/6 year olds together. Not for extended periods indoors though as all the kids need space to run around for a large portion of the time, and obviously the older ones need more space than a group of 2 yo will need alone, being bigger and faster and stronger.

It is not totally reasonable not to supervise them properly and not to set the room and session up in a way that works for the mixed age group - that needs careful planning.

The nursery sounds a bit rubbish and YANBU to complain, but older children are not intrinsically bad or dangerous to younger ones, it can be very positive for both/all age groups to mix them if done right. This nursery is patently not doing it right.

Original poster

CinnamonBunYou · 16/02/2016 07:40

Just to clarify, I was let in through the main security doors by a baby room member of staff. I didn't just walk into the building, I meant I walked into the preschool room. Sorry for not being clearer.

In regards to the manager, she often 'nips out' or finishes early in the afternoon whenever I have rang up to speak to her and sometimes with the assistant manager with her.

I spoke to the assistant manager this morning and she has said she will try and make sure the manager is around when I do pick DD up so I can speak to her.

OP posts:

thisismypassword · 16/02/2016 15:23

Don't take her back and complain to ofsted. They've probably taken on more kids than they can handle.

JeanGenie23 · 17/02/2016 09:58

Did you speak to the manager OP?

Original poster

CinnamonBunYou · 17/02/2016 13:10

Yes. She said perhaps DD found it a bit too much being with all the children all together. I said of course she did but the issue was no one comforting her and one member of staff actively ignoring her and her being left with two older children who were clearly winding her up. She even agreed DD is not one to cry or get upset usually and it was very out of character and that the staff should have gone up to her. She apologised and said she will have a word with the member of staff and with DD's key worker and keep a closer eye on her when the rooms are mixed. Not really sure what I wanted her to say but that wasn't it.

She was fine when I picked her up yesterday and the room was less hectic, so perhaps it was an off day. Will see when I pick her up today.

Thanks for asking

OP posts:

JeanGenie23 · 17/02/2016 13:28

I think keeping an eye out is all you can do for now. Perhaps reiterate to key worker that your not happy. I don't think I would be satisfied with that response either but like you say maybe it was just a bad moment

Stormtreader · 17/02/2016 13:34

Hmm, I would have thought the response should be that theyre keeping a closer eye on all the littles when the rooms are mixed, or putting in some kind of divider or plan, rather than "we'll try and look out for yours then when theyre all flung in together, since youve seen it and complained".

Baconyum · 17/02/2016 23:23

Given the response definitely take your daughter elsewhere.

RubbleBubble00 · 17/02/2016 23:49

You were quite restrained. I would have been storming over asking the boys what on earth they were doing if it looked how u described.

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