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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

How do I report a paedophile on POF

72 replies

Difficult1 · 14/02/2016 23:43

I have been told by someone that the person who sexually abused me as a child is now registered on POF. I have seen his profile and it's definitely him. Can I realistically do anything to report him and get his profile removed? I just feel sick to think that he could be contacting women who may have children or grandchildren (he's looking for women in their 50s). Or even the fact that he is meeting unsuspecting women sickens me.

I have already reported him to the police (several years ago) and whilst unfortunately it did not go to court, he does now have a police record.

OP posts:

Andrewofgg · 15/02/2016 09:30

Understood Lostinmysoul and I am sorry if what I said could be misunderstood.

wannaBe · 15/02/2016 09:50

This is hard for the op but the police really won't be interested neither will POF, and rightly so.

He hasn't been convicted of an offence, he hasn't even been charged with an offence. He is and should be free to live his life, after all he won't be the only person on there who will have had any kind of allegation made against him, and unlike the op, not all allegations will have been real iyswim.

The fact that there is a record that the OP made an allegation is only relevant in the event anyone else makes a similar allegation, it does not restrict his freedom of movement in any way, UK justice does not work like that.

The best thing the OP can do is to try to put it out of her head, because there isn't actually anything else that can be done.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 15/02/2016 09:58

POF have a policy on this. Unless the person is violating bail or probation conditions being on a dating site, they will not remove the profile. With proof of a serious conviction, they will "monitor" the profile.

There was a high profile case a while back with a convicted murderer. Unfortunately, as with all dating sites, you have to do your due diligence yourself.

In this case, CEOPs or the police may offer good advice, but as he has no conviction, it's unlikely POF would do anything.

QuizteamBleakley · 15/02/2016 10:00

Just because he was not convicted for what he did to you, does not mean that he is not known to Police or subsequently convicted for crime/s to others. If you feel that he is a risk, then report it. If you have the details for the officer who dealt with your case, then try to speak to that officer again.

Whilst I agree that PoF will not be able to do anything, please share this information with the Police. There may be other historical information available, to which you will not be privy.

Primaryteach87 · 15/02/2016 10:04

As others have said, tell all the relevant people- police POF etc. It's up to them to decide if the can act on it. At least you will know you are doing everything you can. X

JenEric · 15/02/2016 10:17

Inform police and pof then block pof to help put it from your mind. You will have done all you can. That's all you can do

CremeBrulee · 15/02/2016 10:47

As PP says, report your concerns to police and PoF.

It's very unlikely they will be able to do anything as although your allegations will be on file he dies not have a record as he has not been convicted.

However, you will know you did all you could and hopefully get some peace from that.

WeAllHaveWings · 15/02/2016 10:50

Sorry op, but you can't do anything. He hasnt been convicted, I know through family experiences how you want to protect his future victims but you can't. You can't stop him meeting women on POF anymore than you can stop him meeting women in a pub.

If you want to try contact the police, but I really don't think they can do anything about it.

Ratbagcatbag · 15/02/2016 10:58

Hugs and flowers as it's the shock of seeing the image that is really tough. My uncle abused me and I went to the police in my twenties. This was prior to all the focus on historical abuse cases and fortunately he was convicted. I haven't seen him in over twenty years and then he popped up on my Facebook friends you may know profile as his wife has a profile and is friends with some of my cousins. She had a picture of them both with their son. I'm generally fine about my situation but it still hit really hard actually seeing him.
I think 101 may be the best option just to get your concerns noted and an email to POF, you can't do anymore unfortunately.

OnIlkelyMoorBahtat · 15/02/2016 11:17

Speak to the police OP x

JohnLuther · 15/02/2016 11:32

What are PP expecting the police to do? Genuine question.

Damelonair · 15/02/2016 12:01

What do all the posters saying to go to the police or report to pof actually expect them to do??? As he was not convicted he is free to do whatever he likes just like anyone else.

Katenka · 15/02/2016 12:04

I think people are suggesting it so that the OP feels like she has done all she could.

Which is important in some cases.

MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2016 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 15/02/2016 13:04

Just be careful OP. As he was never charged or prosecuted it is your word against his, and if you start "interfering" in his life then you leave yourself open to accusations if harassment or slander.

CremeBrulee · 15/02/2016 13:45

I don't anybody is expecting the police or PoF to be able to do much. But it's important for the OP's peace of mind that she feels she has done something.

I also strongly believe that little pieces of information like this can be very important. Later on, many little pieces could build a bigger picture and lead to someone else getting justice.

OnGoldenPond · 15/02/2016 15:27

It is correct that a record of the allegations are held by police even if no charges brought. If he is subject to an enhanced DB check the record may be disclosed if considered relevant. As enhanced DBS checks are usually done to work with children or vulnerable adults the record could well be disclosed, depends on judgement of police force holding record

Original poster

Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 23:20

Thank you for everyone's point of view on this. I agree that as he was not actually charged with anything and it's not illegal for him to be on a dating site, there's not a lot I can do about it.

It was just the shock of seeing his smirking face and reading his profile that got to me, as he comes across as a 'normal' guy. I shouldn't let it get to me. I really worry for all the women that he will no doubt meet/have met him, they don't know what he's capable of.

For now I will have to let it go and hope that there is such a thing called Karma.

OP posts:

RubbishRobotFromTheDawnOfTime · 15/02/2016 23:30

Do tell the police. They may wish to add the information to his record which can only help them, if he is suspected of using OD to share obscene messages or child pornography, or to find women with children.

NotGonnaAnswerThePhone · 16/02/2016 12:36

Sorry to hear what happened to you OP, BUT there is no law against him being on online dating. He wasn't convicted and even if he was I strongly believe he is not doing anything wrong.

You mention he is looking for 50 year old women, could this be because he is in this age bracket?

wickedlazy · 16/02/2016 12:47

I think pp are saying ring the police, in the hopes the police could reopen the case. But op shouldn't do this unless she's ready. Could op ring rape crisis or similar, and talk to them about it?

wickedlazy · 16/02/2016 12:53

"I strongly believe he is not doing anything wrong."

I don't want to upset you op but I think if he's in his 50's, he is more than capable of continuing to abuse children, and it's doubtful he has changed, especially if he has gotten away with it in the past. He should have been convicted and spent a long time in jail for what he did to you. Jon Venables was using an online dating site at one point, using his new identity. How that was ever allowed, I have no idea. I can see why you're so worried.

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