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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How do I report a paedophile on POF

72 replies

Difficult1 · 14/02/2016 23:43

I have been told by someone that the person who sexually abused me as a child is now registered on POF. I have seen his profile and it's definitely him. Can I realistically do anything to report him and get his profile removed? I just feel sick to think that he could be contacting women who may have children or grandchildren (he's looking for women in their 50s). Or even the fact that he is meeting unsuspecting women sickens me.

I have already reported him to the police (several years ago) and whilst unfortunately it did not go to court, he does now have a police record.

OP posts:
Nottodaythankyouorever · 15/02/2016 00:05

Sorry, I Know this isn't helpful to the OP but what is POF?

Explained up thread.

Original poster
Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 00:05

Thank you. Yes my DH is here and knows everything. He is extremely supportive, although it is also upsetting for him as well. I really didn't want all this dragged up again, but I can't get his smirking face out of my mind and really worry for all the women he's going to meet.

OP posts:
Original poster
Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 00:06

Yes, thanks. CEOP is a good idea.

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 15/02/2016 00:07

Yes, report it to the police. No harm in doing that. And they can, at least, advice from there.

To those asking, it will be kept on record due to the Bichard Enquiry following the Soham Murders. Any information regarding any allegation of that kind should be retained and appropriately shared between forces. A conviction isn't required.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 15/02/2016 00:09

I think this could be very useful info for the police. Even if someone hasn't been charged with an offence doesn't mean the police 'forget' about them.
If you had a way of getting in touch with the old OIC or someone in the relevant department they may take some detailed information and put an Intel report on his local record. There might be lots of little pieces of information on him that don't quite fit, and your bit might be the missing piece of the jigsaw.
At least if you let the police know you can let them decide what to do with it.
If he's got no other Intel on him it might be that they don't record it.
At least you know you'll have done your best to stop him getting to others, if that's his intention.
Sorry you're going through this OP

Original poster
Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 00:13

I just didn't know if the police would be interested - presumably they can't stop him living his life can they? I just wanted to know if POF would remove his profile, but I don't suppose they will just based on my sayso.

OP posts:
liinyo · 15/02/2016 00:16

nottoday.

Found it. Thank you.

OP. This is awful and scary. I think PPs are right. You need to report this to the police and the website. I am not sure what they will do but child protection laws are very strong now and I am sure they will take you seriously

Millliii · 15/02/2016 00:16

I understand how awful this is for you to have seen his face on a dating website but he will have been in contact and dating many women his whole life. Its only because you have seen his face and are shook up because of it. He could be on so many other dating sites and other things. This has hit you hard, understandably but I think you would be best to let it go. He hasn't been convicted for anything unfortunately and there will just be a formal record in case any one reports anything in the future.
Don't make yourself ill over this.

Original poster
Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 00:20

Thanks everyone. I know I shouldn't have looked up his profile (I'm not on POF or any dating website) but he was very easy to find and I just had to see what he was saying about himself. Stupid, stupid thing to do. I should know better. Have had lots of counselling.

OP posts:
MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2016 00:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Difficult1 · 15/02/2016 00:31

Apparently POF was founded in Vancouver, Canada.

OP posts:
Slutbucket · 15/02/2016 00:50

Why did the case not go to court? I'm just wondering if you went back today if they would be a better outcome? Things have moved on so much with historic sex abuse cases. You must feel in a terrible predicament.

Nottodaythankyouorever · 15/02/2016 00:59

Why did the case not go to court? I'm just wondering if you went back today if they would be a better outcome? Things have moved on so much with historic sex abuse cases.

The ones that have been reopened iykwim seem to where numerous people have come forward.

Slutbucket · 15/02/2016 01:06

Some have been opened and then people have come forward or police taking complaints more seriously?

Nottodaythankyouorever · 15/02/2016 01:09

Although it may be being taken more seriously, I think with those that we know of it is the volume of complaints against them.

MadamDeathstare · 15/02/2016 01:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Andrewofgg · 15/02/2016 06:37

"Sarah's Law" is for people concerned about the person they are in or thinking of going into a relationship with. Not for "third parties" which is what you are. Sorry, but put Sarah out of it.

The police might take an interest worth reporting it. PoF - I doubt it.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 15/02/2016 06:47

Well just maybe PoF are responsible and would be concerned by this so worth a try.

JohnLuther · 15/02/2016 06:56

I really doubt that the police or POF will do anything, I don't want to sound harsh but he wasn't convicted and he is entitled to live his life.

Was he charged with anything?

Katenka · 15/02/2016 07:08

He wasn't charged with anything, there maybe a file incase anyone else comes forward but there is no criminal record. He wasn't charged with anything.

I wish there was something they could do, but realistically there isn't. He can meet and date women at any point. The police won't tell him or POF that the profile must be removed. They have no power to tell him what he can and can't do as in the eyes of the law he hasn't done anything so they can't impose sanctions on him.

I am so sorry he wasn't charged, this must be extremely difficult for you.

Flowerpower41 · 15/02/2016 07:23

It sounds like you could do with up to date legal advice.

Lostinmysoul · 15/02/2016 08:19

Andrew - you are not quite correct. Third parties CAN use Sarah's law. They report their concerns to the police, who in turn check the person's history / record. Then, if there is cause for concern the police will approach the partner of the person and give them the relevant information. The third party doesn't get a run down of the history, but can help to keep someone safe.

Andrewofgg · 15/02/2016 08:32

I think the third party has to be able to point to some potential victim for whom s/he is personally concerned. Which is not the OP's position.

Lostinmysoul · 15/02/2016 08:45

I didn't say it was the OP's situation. The importance of Sarah's law is very clear, so I did not want people to read what you wrote and think that they were unable to use it should the circumstances arise.

Littleelffriend · 15/02/2016 09:12

I understand that this is upsetting, but he was not charged, therefore does not have a criminal record. The police will not be interested, he is not a registered sex offender. Unfortunately (for the OP), but fortunately for millions of others, in the UK, you are innocent until PROVEN guilty.