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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Our dog bit me :(

341 replies

Jellymuffin · 14/02/2016 08:57

Yesterday our dog bit my face, completely unprovoked though he had got out unknown to us and come back in so could have been stressed. We have a toddler who is typical tough and tumble. The dog and DS get on reasonably well but dog has always been nervous around him. The dog is 10 and my husband is adamant he has to go :( I understand why but feel so terrible about losing a member of the family. He really is a quiet and sweet little dog and this was massively out of character for him. AIBU to want to keep him when he is a potential danger to my beautiful child?

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 14/02/2016 11:43

U2, the rescue centre was completely unreasonable for blaming children playing amongst themselves on the floor of their home. The dog clearly wasn't suitable for a home with noisy children; they missed this, and it would seem they were trying to deflect blame away from their own decision to place such a dog with you.

DaveGrohlyousexyman · 14/02/2016 13:34

This will out me but....

We had a 10.5 year old Great Dane, who i can honestly say was the most fantastic dog ever. She was my whole life and I absolutley adored her.

Great Danes have a short life span so she WAS old..very old infact. Over time she had developed more and more medical complaints although we were coping and she was comfortable.

One day the kids told me that she had snarled when they stroked her. It was the out of character I actually thought they were lying! A few days later the Dane was sat in front of the door, my 10 year old patted her to move so he could get through and she instantly turned and snapped, grazing the side of his head.

I knew there and then that there was something seriously seriously wrong. When I spoke to the vet the next day she said that almost every time a elderly dog snaps like that out of the blue, it is a problem with the brain. She said most likely a brain tumour or dementia.

Anyhow she was pts that day. Sad

I actually feel like it was her way of telling me she'd had enough and it was time.

6 months later I miss her every single day. It was absolutley devastating but I know we did the right thing for her.

Potatoface2 · 14/02/2016 13:37

great name davegrohlyousexyman!!......i think you are entirely right about the change in a dogs attitude....i think the same....they just cant tell you themselves can they Sad

Original poster
Jellymuffin · 14/02/2016 13:57

It's not really a change in attitude though. He's always been nervous of other people and dogs and quite unpredictable in his behaviour, sometimes friendly and obedient, sometimes not. I wish this hasn't happened and I'm hurt that people think I have charged straight out the house to find a vet that will kill my beloved family dog who was with me long before DS came along on a Sunday!

OP posts:
Vixxfacee · 14/02/2016 14:02

"Dogs who have been in a home environment all their lives often struggle in a rescue; the noise, the anonymity, the other dogs, no sofa or familiar owner."

I am not a dog fan but that quote above just made me feel really sad.

mrtwitsglasseye · 14/02/2016 14:05

My SIL has a nervous, unpredictable dog. They keep it behind a locked gate in the utility room (full size, like a door with bars) and it only comes out when dc in bed or out, or for walks.

PhilPhilConnors · 14/02/2016 14:09

If the dog has always been nervous it is possible that subtle signals have been ignored and the dog has got to a point where it feels it has no option but to react.

No criticism at all, most dog owners don't know what to look for!

I would get the dog checked thoroughly. If you want to keep it be very vigilant, make sure the dog and toddler are separated and learn how to recognise when your dog is stressed

I would explore rehoming before deciding to pts.

Original poster
Jellymuffin · 14/02/2016 14:38

I wish I could make changes, but my husband won't let him stay. He's making me feel like an awful mother if I say I don't want him to go. I've cried almost constantly since yesterday but he won't relent :(

OP posts:
ValiantMouse · 14/02/2016 14:38

Don't jump straight to pts. Get a good vet check first. The dog has ten years of non biting history. A sudden change in that is a red flag that something is wrong.

tipsytrifle · 14/02/2016 14:49

Take a look around on the web. Try this one as a starter (no idea of location but rescues tend to network a lot)

www.chihuahuarescue.co.uk/how-you-can-help/rehome-a-chihuahua/

tipsytrifle · 14/02/2016 15:00

Does husband not see that you've accepted there's a problem though you differ in terms of approaching a solution? Perhaps this small dog needs a different home environment. Perhaps the vet can offer calming meds. Maybe there are training options near you.

Not all rescues are of the large pound type with cages, runs and isolation. Many, especially smaller, specialist rescues involve home care as the primary method. Many, like my friend's place, is a home full of small dogs and cats, none of whom go short of attention.

Must admit husban's aggressive knee jerk reaction towards pts would not impress me at all, but that's another issue. Don't suppose the dreadful emotions going on right now are likely to help settle dog down either. I'm so sorry you're in this awful situation.

longtimelurking · 14/02/2016 15:01

I think it is irresponsible to re-home a dog that has bitten two people. I have always kept dogs and so I understand what the emotional attachment is like, but they are just dogs at the end of the day.

Re-homing is very stressful on the dog and can amplify negative behaviour. It is not worth the risk of someone being scarred for life or even killed with larger breeds.

PTS is the safest and kindest thing all around.

OTheHugeManatee · 14/02/2016 15:05

At least take the poor thing to the vet's first, to check whether he's in any kind of pain that could alter his temperament.

tipsytrifle · 14/02/2016 15:09

longtime that's insensitive rubbish. If OP felt this was "just a dog" then it would be dead by now. The stress of rehoming wears off. Death tends not to. You probably don't know much about the rehoming process either. Animals aren't just let loose on unsuspecting others. Assessments are made and behaviour is addressed. It has to be, for all sorts of reasons.

www.chihuahuarescue.co.uk/how-you-can-help/rehome-a-chihuahua/

AnthonyBlanche · 14/02/2016 15:11

OP at least your husband is doing the right thing and putting the safety of his child and other people over the life of a dog. It is only a dog, surely however much you love the creature you can see that there is a huge risk that it will bite someone else and that someone could be your child.

Do the right thing and take your dog to be pts tomorrow.

origamiwarrior · 14/02/2016 15:13

Okay, so your husband is insisting he can't stay (which is understandable). That leaves your choices as PTS or rehome.

First step (and please insist on this) is to get him assessed by a vet to see if there is any reason for the behaviour - you might find he has an ear infection which hurts him when someone scoops him up suddenly etc.

If the vet finds there is a problem, and you can treat it, phone around all the rescues you can and BE HONEST about the biting and the mitigating circumstances. Ask the rescues directly the chances of rehoming him - you never know, one might have the ideal home for him on their books waiting (especially if you approach a breed-specific rescue).

If the vet can't find a reason, or they can, but a rescue still thinks it is unlikely they can rehome him, have him PTS. A PP is correct - there are a lot of things worse than being PTS. Being PTS is a painless full-stop to a dog's life, dog's don't anticipate the future, he won't be (in his head) thinking that he is missing out on a fireside retirement. It will just be a full stop to a full and happy life, before he gets stressed in a new environment or ill with old age. Not a bad way to go, being held by his beloved owner.

scarlets · 14/02/2016 15:14

Elderly dog-lovers are sometimes happy to take on older dogs, in the knowledge that they probably won't outlive them, and they won't be too bouncy and physical. Your local vet may know of "matching" charities.

TitClash · 14/02/2016 15:15

No behavioural trainer will treat a biting dog with a child in the house. Sorry, but he has to be euthanased. A bite to the face is always serious.

AnthonyBlanche · 14/02/2016 15:16

Yeah Scarlets that will,work out well when the old lady picks up the dog and has a her nose bitten off!

tipsytrifle · 14/02/2016 15:17

OP - the goad-to-kill-brigade is out so I will wish you luck & leave the thread. Try not to be hurt by some of these posts. Instead try the links I suggested. Second one looks lovely.

longtimelurking · 14/02/2016 15:25

tipsytrifle
No it is not insensitive it is practical and sensible advice.

Virtually all rescue charities are massively over stretched and run on tiny budgets usually by well meaning but often poorly qualified volunteers. Re-homing the dog in this way is just passing the problem and risk on to someone else and you are relying heavily on the rescue centre to properly assess and place the dog. It is difficult enough to place dogs which are not aggressive and dangerous, let alone ones that have already bitten on the face.

PTS is the only option in my view. For the OP to even be considering keeping the dog in the same home as her DC is utterly bonkers. One lapse in concentration and your DC are scarred for life. No.

I love my dogs and I've had dogs around me since I was a baby. However you have to recognise they are JUST dogs and the risk is not acceptable in this case.

pollylovespie · 14/02/2016 15:29

What a sad and difficult situation, but I don't think you really have a choice other than pts. You can't risk your child being hurt, or worse.

MsMims · 14/02/2016 15:29

Don't let your husband railroad you into an irreversible decision you're uncomfortable with OP. You need time to have the dog examined at a minimum, and then reassess. In the short term, separating the dog from your child can be managed by keeping the dog in a separate room or a crate. There is no mad rush to have him killed if you're responsible about managing him - just while you explore the options.

ItWillWash · 14/02/2016 15:33

I really wouldn't PTS. There is no need. If it was my dog I also wouldn't rehome, but you cannot just ignore this.

Would your husband consider speaking with an APDT registered dog trainer before rehoming? They would be able to speak with you, watch the dog's behaviour in your home, explain why he bit you and work out how to make sure it never happens again.

As far as I can see, the dog was handled badly and was probably scared. Strange ladies should not attempt to pick up strange dogs, in fact unless you know the dog extremely well and know the dog enjoys being picked up, you never pick up any dog, not even your own. Most will tolerate it, very few actually enjoy it.

Close face to face contact is massive no no. Dogs see this as confrontational. No matter how well you know your dog, never do this. Ever.

Imo first step would be a thorough check at the vets and a consultation with a qualified behaviourist.

babynumber3eek · 14/02/2016 15:33

Firstly, my sincerest sympathies for you OP. We are a family of dog lovers and I can imagine how hard this is for you.

From a sympathetic outsider's point of view I think the path is clear (regardless of how regrettable). Your nervous and aging dog has snapped and bitten/attempted to bit twice. This is not something to be ignored or passed on to another person.

I totally agree that your dog should go to the vets to be checked for something to explain their behaviour. If it isn't a simple to fix issue (ear infection etc) then you must have him PTS. Not only is that the fairest thing for your family it is BY FAR the kindest thing for your dog. Rehoming does not always mean concrete kennels but it does mean separation from the only family he has known (at 10 a big deal). It may mean 2+ new settings for him, which for dog that bites (potentially) because of the stress of being outside the house/approached by a kindly stranger rings massive alarm bells. IF he is rehomed and then bites again or a rehoming centre decides he isn't suitable for rehoming he will be PTS but this time by relative strangers after all the stress of leaving his family...

It isn't about rushing to PTS it is about loving your dog and ending his stress/pain in the most humane and loving way posible. Huge huge hugs (don't care if not done on MN!) for you all xxx

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