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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Phones at dinner table in restaurants

69 replies

ChocolateCupcake123 · 10/02/2016 15:26

AIBU to think that a) using your phone when in a restaurant is rude?

And b) that "hiding" it under the table and using it is no better!

For background we're talking about DP, when it's just the two of us, and he decides he needs to text someone/check the football score/read an email and it drives me NUTS!

Am I just being old fashioned? Is this the norm and to be expected now? I've told him time and time again that I think it's rude but he doesn't see the issue

OP posts:

Ditsy4 · 12/02/2016 00:11

Ha ha! I like it.

It is one of my pet hates. I won't tolerate it. One of my kids has to have his on sometimes because he has to be contacted for work. It annoys me that they can't leave him to enjoy a rare lunch out with his mum though. It is usually something trivial they should have coped with.
I have a friend that drops in and is on hers constantly mid conversation. I just stop speaking mid conversation a few times and she cottoned on.

BackforGood · 12/02/2016 00:22

The way the OP has described what her dp is doing, is rude IMO, but there are lots of reasons why someone on a nearby table might be looking at their phone that might not be rude, so I wouldn't go for a blanket ban

cellnev · 12/02/2016 01:23

I hate it, even when we are at home having dinner I pull up my husband about having his phone out

angelos02 · 12/02/2016 05:25

It just reeks of neediness.

catsinthecraddle · 12/02/2016 07:55

In this case, very rude.

Using your phone for anything not urgent or work related when you are with friends is bad. It gives the message that you are bored with them and your phone is more interesting.

If I am with my husband, it might be the only time we have to look at properties, or holidays, so when we are both on the same page it doesn't bother me at all.

When we are on holiday without the kids, restaurant can even be the best time to to check (work) emails for us: we're out and about all day, we go out in the evening, and it's the only time we pick up our phone.

Madmog · 12/02/2016 09:58

It's rude, the whole point to going out for me is to enjoy a drink, meal, whatever and the company of the person I'm with, and I hope they feel the same way. I don't mind a phone being on and one of us checking whose contacting us, but in the ideal world we only answer it for emergencies.

Isabella70 · 12/02/2016 10:24

Can I recommend

theweek.com/articles/479030/how-phone-stack-civilizing-dinners-friends

2rebecca · 12/02/2016 10:30

I think if you're both happy with it it's fine. If one of you isn't then you discuss it.
I find it odd that many people at home will watch TV eating their dinners etc but when they go out expect 1 to one conversation only for an hour or so. It's not surprising some people would rather just get a take away.

OnlyLovers · 12/02/2016 11:46

Really fucking rude. And 'hiding' it is just pathetic.

2rebecca, IMO/IME sometimes part of the point of going out to eat/sitting round a table with people is that it's a chance to talk to each other and catch up; a break from sitting in front of the TV with your dinner.

I also think that watching telly together is more social (or less unsocial) than one person being on their phone while the other twiddles their thumbs, or both people being on their phone separately; at least with TV you watch it together and can both/all join in on commenting on the action/heckling the characters/talking over them with your own 'hilarious' made-up dialogue etc or maybe that's just in my house

angelos02 · 12/02/2016 11:57

If you are so bored when you are out socially with people (friends or a partner) that you feel the need to check your phone, you need to change the company you keep.

elephantpig · 12/02/2016 12:34

I always worry that people are judging DH and I as we are always on our phones when we are out, but we spend all day every day together so we only eat out for the joy of the food, rather than 'being together' and we've probably been talking all day, in the car on the way, then on the walk over etc.
Also half the time we are looking at the same thing or searching something on the internet to show the other one.
I wish we could have a big sign something like, ' don't worry, we don't hate each other'.

Of course, in OP's position I would be pissed because it's one sided, though I would just tell DH to talk to me and he would put the phone away.

angelos02 · 12/02/2016 13:22

Just out of interst elephant, what are you looking at on your phone? Genuine question. Not being goady.

Rachel0Greep · 12/02/2016 13:34

A friend of mine, is dreadful, for being glued to her phone. I remember being out for a meal with her once, and had to sit there, like a tulip, while she took a call. Not urgent, not work related or anything of the sort. She just doesn't seem to realise or want to know what the purpose of voicemail is.
Or how to switch the damn thing off, now and then...

I don't meet up with her much anymore, although that isn't the only reason.

2rebecca · 12/02/2016 16:07

We have boring limited phones so will sometimes look at wifi on tablets if out. It's sometimes as boring as letting other beer fan relatives know which beer our local pub has. Usually we end up having virtual chats with our siblings (who also like their beer) but who we rarely see because we live several hours away and chatting about what we've been up to. I like brunch in the pub with lots of newspapers as well. I don't see talking about stuff on our tablets as different to discussing the papers.
I think if you're both happy with it and are including each other in the discussions it's fine, and like going for a meal to the pub with friends. One person talking/ tapping on a phone /tablet and ignoring the other one is different though. For me it's not the widget itself that's the problem but how you use it.

oliviaclottedcream · 12/02/2016 18:23

I too have a mobile addicted friend. She has 2 of the sodding things. She turned up an hour late to meet me for the theatre recently and when we did go in, she left one of her two f*ing mobiles on and it bloody well rang during the play. The actors just froze.. I squirmed and she fumbled..

ShelaghTurner · 12/02/2016 18:37

Depends really. If I'm out on a date with DH then phones stay in pockets. But a lot of the time we're eating out for convenience. PIL eat out and each bring a newspaper or book. They're a close couple, married for years, together a lot and don't feel the need to be constantly conversing or staring into each other's eyes 24/7. It has no bearing on their relationship or their manners. DH and I are the same. Not really bothered what other people think.

elephantpig · 13/02/2016 12:20

angelos
At the moment, wedding / property / jobs.
In general, news articles or a question that has come up in conversation that can be answered by google.

TheDisillusionedAnarchist · 13/02/2016 14:54

Rude if both people don't agree. When we were eating out every night when our baby was in hospital however, we'd often be on our phones looking up research or keeping people up to date, it was the only 'free' time we had. We were chucked out of the hospital during handover times so ate then. I'm sure people judged. I couldn't give a shit. Not everyone eating out is having a special night, some of us are just refuelling.

After she died, the first few meals out we just had nothing to say, so spent time on our phones looking at nothing. Don't care if people judged then either.

theycallmemellojello · 13/02/2016 15:06

Rude (and weird) to be texting continuously or sending emails, not rude to take a quick call or send a quick message if it's important and you're apologetic.

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