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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Phones at dinner table in restaurants

69 replies

ChocolateCupcake123 · 10/02/2016 15:26

AIBU to think that a) using your phone when in a restaurant is rude?

And b) that "hiding" it under the table and using it is no better!

For background we're talking about DP, when it's just the two of us, and he decides he needs to text someone/check the football score/read an email and it drives me NUTS!

Am I just being old fashioned? Is this the norm and to be expected now? I've told him time and time again that I think it's rude but he doesn't see the issue Hmm

OP posts:
nattyknitter · 11/02/2016 02:04

We have a game in group company. All phones go face down in the middle of the table. Anyone babysitting needs to be in the phone as 'babysitter'. If a phone rings you are not allowed to pick it up yourself, but someone else can check if it is the babysitter, in which case answering is allowed by the parent. Otherwise the call is rejected and the phone goes back down.

Any picking up or messing with phones other than this costs a round for every infraction. We find it keeps the problem at bay.

I find it sad to see a couple out for a meal ignoring one another while they play on their phones.

Redglitter · 11/02/2016 02:39

I went to a very nice very expensive (castle) hotel with my ex a few years ago. The couple nearest to.us at dinner spent 90% of their time on their phones. It was ridiculous. They were in a gorgeous hotel with a beautiful restaurant but couldn't be without their phones for a couple of hours

Bambalina · 11/02/2016 03:38

This drives me nuts. And its just me 'nagging' if I say something. If myself and DD got the immediate attention and focus that a text or fb msg alert gets, WHEREVER he is, I dunno, its would just eb weird I guess. But at the dinner table REALLY fucks me off, like I've been arsed to cook something nice for tea but he can't even be arsed to be mentally present in the room with us while he stuffs it down his neck

citychick · 11/02/2016 06:02

This. YANBU.

Phones at dinner table in restaurants
pinkiponk · 11/02/2016 07:10

natty we do something similar to you. All phones go face down in the middle of the table and the first person to answer has to pay for the ENTIRE dinner*. It's stopped us all checking our phones! Some of our group were getting terrible for it.
*the only exemption is if a babysitter calls or their other half calls from a deployment (quite a few in the navy in the group)

TheRadiantAerynSun · 11/02/2016 07:29

I've manned to effectively stop the messing under the table nonsense by pointing out that it looks like they're playing with themselves, which it does.

People who spend all their time goggling at their phone don't get asked out again (not that they'd notice... to busy taking a picture of their food to post on FB and crow about what an amazing time they're having. )

Whathaveilost · 11/02/2016 07:35

It depends. If I'm with DH it doesn't bother me. We spend so much time together it's not a big deal. Also a lot of the conversation we have comes from looking at the phone Eg talking about films, making plans, ice hockey results etc.

If I was out with mates I wouldn't be impressed if it was a constant thing.

Muskateersmummy · 11/02/2016 07:41

It wouldn't bother me. I would rather he didn't try to hide it, just said "oh hang on I'd just like to check the footie scores". The hiding it I would find ruder than the using it. It's no different to people you see sitting together at cafes etc reading the paper....

crispytruffle · 11/02/2016 09:48

It seems the norm now. I eat out a lot and see it all the time. I try to not get my phone out when I am at a restaurant. Everyone seems so obsessed with checking in on Facebook or taking a loads of photos to quickly up load them on to social media. I think it is madness to be looking at life through a screen all the time!
I was on the train the other day and nearly every single person standing on the platform had their heads down staring at their phones. I am really trying to limited looking down at my phone as I am worried about getting a saggy neck from it.

BertrandRussell · 11/02/2016 09:51

As with many things, it depends on what you have agreed to do. Sometimes dp and I will go out to lunch and both take books. Do try it- it's lovely!

Sometimes we'll agree to have our phones out.

And sometimes we just want to talk.

But it depends on what's agreed.

angelos02 · 11/02/2016 10:04

I only check my phone for messages if I am bored. If out with friends or DH I would not check it and neither would they. Luckily no imminent bad news or anything important to worry about that would excuse not checking it for a few hours.

witsender · 11/02/2016 10:23

V rude. No phones at the table here, or devices of any sort. I can't bear seeing families with each kid eating with a tablet propped up in front of them. If in the rare instance I want to check for texts from my parents say, if they are babysitting, I'll say sorry, just going to see if they've texted. Look at home screen then put away.

liinyo · 11/02/2016 10:39

So rude. Keeping it nearby for an emergency is fine but to text or read messages is bad manners. Within our immediate family there is a rule of no phones at the table whether we are at home or outside

We have one dear friend who is a shocker for this (although a wonderful person in every other way). He has even come to visit, knocked on the door and walked in whilst still gassing on his phone. He used to be quite high powered in his work so we put up with it as they could have been genuine emergencies but he is retired now and is just as bad as he ever was.

And don't get me started on people who play Candy Crush when they are in company.

angelos02 · 11/02/2016 10:52

I know I am from another generation but it annoys me when people stay on their mobile while paying for shopping, paying a bus driver etc.

Also seeing teenagers in groups with an earphone in one ear. They should be enjoying each others company without being 'half somewhere else'. So glad I'm not a kid nowadays.

Muskateersmummy · 11/02/2016 10:57

bertandrussell I love the idea of the books. Do you discuss your books at all, or sit in a comfortable quiet? I can imagine doing that in a country pub by a roaring fire with a glass of wine!

AnnPerkins · 11/02/2016 11:12

It depends. If DH ignored me in favour of his phone I would think it very rude.

If his phone is out and we're both involved in and chatting about what he's doing on it I wouldn't be bothered.

Mrscog · 11/02/2016 13:09

I'd find what you describe as rude. However I wouldn't find a 'darling, the big match will be at half time now - do you mind if I just check the score?' in between courses/whilst we were having drinks rude.

Phones at dinner, and why and how they're dealt with is an area with about loads shades of grey in my opinion. Some instances - rude as rude can be, others, not remotely rude at all.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 11/02/2016 14:45

This isn't because of your post, Mrscog - but in general I've learned to dread the words "I'll just ..." It's so often offered as "I'll just make sure she's got to bed okay / see if there's an answer for me / check the trains back" or whatever, but then the phone stays out for the next thing - and the next - and the next Sad

How on earth did folk manage before the things?? Hmm

MadisonAvenue · 11/02/2016 14:46

It's incredibly rude IMO! We went out for a family meal (me, husband and two children) last weekend and our son's girlfriend came (uninvited but that's another story). She was texting throughout the meal. She'd pick up her phone, send a text, put her phone down and a few minutes later the table would vibrate as whoever she was texting replied to her...so she'd then have to read it, obviously, and reply again. This was for the duration of the meal. She totally ignored the conversations we were having which were going on around and across her.
And then we had to pay for her meal and drinks.

I would say that I'll never ask her out to eat with us again but I didn't last weekend anyway, she was just there.

oliviaclottedcream · 11/02/2016 17:26

People seem really not capable of being without their mobiles for a few minutes nowadays. It really is alarming just how dependant on them we are.

I went on a date with a bloke a couple of months ago -- we went to restaurant and if I loked at the menu or spoke to the waiter, he'd be on his mobile texting. Suffice to say - no 2nd date.. I'm old fashioned and just can't bare that type of rudeness.

oliviaclottedcream · 11/02/2016 17:29

I wonder what affect this will have on future generations? (Thinking of Madisons story..). How social behaviour / etiquette will be altered?

Mrscog · 11/02/2016 20:22

puzzled there is indeed a fine line 'I'll just' requires a lot of discipline to do politely!

Gattabianca · 11/02/2016 20:33

It's very rude. On the rare occasions DH eats dinner with me and DS he is always on his phone or tablet. He pretends he's working but he's actually on football forums Hmm
I have now banned them from dinner time Smile

southeastdweller · 11/02/2016 21:18

Horrible behaviour. But I accept that sometimes you're waiting for an urgent call or something so in which case explain to the people you're out with.

NorksAreMessy · 11/02/2016 21:57

First person to look at the phone in the restaurant pays the whole bill.
At home, first person to look at their phone washes up.

Second one enforced, first one, not so much.
DH is the worst and CANNOT leave a ringing phone.
DS tries to sneak a peek under the table...the light from the phone reflects on his chin like a little android buttercup!