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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To decline a date because of beard?

70 replies

LeaLeander · 09/02/2016 18:50

My hair stylist has been trying for ages to fix me up with her accountant. Yesterday while she was there discussing her taxes, she texted and asked me if she might give him my phone number. I said OK.

Then she texted me some photos she took on her phone (with his knowledge) of photos that he had framed in his office, of himself on vacation and doing the hobby she thought we would have in common.

He's OK, I guess, but the thing is he sports a balding head (nothing I can balk at at my age, 50ish, LOL) and a substantial white beard. I cannot stand kissing men with facial hair of any kind and beards of this length always make me wonder about hygiene.

It looks like it's his style, not just a beard he grew while not wanting to shave on holiday or what have you. I know my taste won't change, no matter how pleasant his personality may be. The mad professor with long white beard is never going to turn me on.

He's already called and left a message. I haven't replied. To be clear I am always open to making a new friend and would not consider it time wasted to have a couple of drinks with him to discuss hobby. But people these days seem to attach so much import to a casual date. Would I be wrong to accept knowing it's unlikely that physical attraction would ever result down the line? My work is super busy now and presumably so is his in tax season. Plenty of plausible reasons to worm out.

OP posts:
WMittens · 09/02/2016 19:55

At the risk of begging the question, you're attracted to what you're attracted to - there's nothing unreasonable about that, same as if it were about hair color or height or build.

I will say you're being unreasonable about hygiene: I assume you have hair on your head and don't consider it unhygienic? Is pubic hair unhygienic? Like any other part of the body a beard needs to be kept clean, which is about the owner rather than the actual thing.

IoraRua · 09/02/2016 20:00

I hate beards. YANBU in my eyes.
Am glad you've said you're not going to just ignore him though as you would be U for that.

BlueMoonRising · 09/02/2016 20:01

You DO know that beards aren't necessarily a permanent feature... don't you?

He might consider shaving for the right woman.

Worth meeting him to see how you get on, you can tackle the beard issue later if things seem promising.

kali110 · 09/02/2016 20:01

Why wouldn't he be hygienic just because he has a beard??
My dh has a beard and he isn't a dirty git Confused (99% of the time)

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 20:03

One date won't hurt. You never know till you try.

LeaLeander · 09/02/2016 20:41

BlueMoonRising, I would not dream of asking anyone to change his grooming to suit my subjective taste. As I mentioned, this wasn't a weekend beard - clearly from the photos and newspaper clippings (related to his awards etc. in the hobby we share an interest in) it is a longtime part of his style.

Seen many a man with crumbs in his beard, as it's close to the mouth. Never seen one with crumbs in his scalp hair or any other part of the body.

OP posts:
BlueMoonRising · 09/02/2016 23:21

I didn't suggest you ask. I suggested you go and meet him and see how you get on.

If you get on well, and things look promising, you can mention that you are not into men with beards. He might choose to get rid, he might not.

kali110 · 10/02/2016 01:29

My dh manages to clean his beard and wash

toffeeboffin · 10/02/2016 01:32

Hilarious, spoton Grin

LeaLeander · 10/02/2016 01:48

Well I just returned his call and he spent 90 minutes telling anecdotes about himself and never asked one question about me. And used some rather vulgar language. So I think the beard is the least of the obstacles. Hmm

OP posts:
Sometimesithinkimbonkers · 10/02/2016 01:55

Ł

Monty27 · 10/02/2016 02:01

Beards make me... ewwwww. Can't stand them. I really can't. Bleurgh.

As you were.

I'm with you Leat, Ewwww. Nooooo! And aside from the beard he sounds weird. Ewww.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2016 02:10

You should be totally free to refuse a date with anyone for any reason at all. Say thanks but no thanks.

TubbyTabby · 10/02/2016 02:16

decline.
who says you have to date someone you don't want to?
i hate it when they start using bad language within 2 seconds of meeting.
i once went on a date with a beardy guy who stated talking about blow jobs within 15 minutes of meeting.
i ran for the hills.

seoulsurvivor · 10/02/2016 03:59

Beards don't do it for me, I couldn't date someone with more than light stubble.

YANBU

UnderCrackers5 · 10/02/2016 04:49

Phwaorrr, beard to hang on to and vulgar language ? sounds like a nice bit of rough to me

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 10/02/2016 07:57

Maybe he is a pirate

MTPurse · 10/02/2016 08:00

Just as I get that poem out of my head I go and read this! Grin

Lozislovely · 10/02/2016 08:10

Someone once told me 'never trust a man with facial hair, they've always got something to hide'.

The weird thing is anyone I've met since with facial hair is always up for scrutiny and the saying has often been right!

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 10/02/2016 08:16

I don't think I'd have said yes to stylist giving him my number prior to having seen some photos (which clearly she had lined up for you). Could have avoided the situation of the vulgar chat right from the outset.

MrsToddsShortcut · 10/02/2016 08:23

Wow. I think you are right and the beard is the least of your problems! 90 minutes talking about himself and not asking anything about you? Avoid. I don't think he wants someone to share your hobby, rather than someone to gaze admiringly while he does it!

LindyHemming · 10/02/2016 08:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HippyPottyMouth · 10/02/2016 08:31

He sounds like a delight! Hope your hairdresser accepts that there was no spark.

As to 'something to hide,' it needn't be anything sinister. DH has a beard. He had surgery to correct a cleft lip when he was a baby, and it left him with a wonky mouth, so he grows the fur to hide something he's self-conscious about. Fortunately it suits him. Still, if you don't like beards, you don't have to justify it. It would make no sense to date someone you didn't fancy, no matter what your reason.

ThatsNotMyRabbit · 10/02/2016 08:32

Run! But tell your friend exactly why you won't be dating him.

BlueMoonRising · 10/02/2016 09:06

Now, beards I like.

Self-absorbed people, not so much.

Sounds like you'd be wise to stay well clear!

I have a friend though, who would probably do this. She's lovely, but nervous around speaking to people she doesn't know. She covers it up by taking too much. Might it be that? Although it doesn't excuse the language..

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