to admit I can't cope with this level of sleep deprivation, please help

[LycheesAtNoon]

How do you cope?

Baby is 5months.

Used to sleep 6-7 hours in a stretch. Now wakes frequently and screams until I breastfeed him back to sleep. On typical night he goes to bed at 8pm and wakes to feed at 10pm, 1am, 3am, 4am, 5am and is up for day around 6-7am By the time I've got back to sleep each time he's waking up again!

I feel like I'm going mad. I keep shouting at him at 5am

He has 3x30min naps during day.

Should I start sleep-training? What if he's hungry? Has anyone tried CC? Or is this just a regression/growth spurt that I need to ride out?

Also his wee has a strong smell since his sleep went haywire, he's also drooling all day, could he be teething/thirsty?

Any tips for coping with sleep deprivation?

In terms of you coping with the sleep deprivation, the things that help me are:

• going outside: fresh air revives you when you feel you are about to die

• not eating too many carbs - I crave them when I'm tired, but then feel even more sluggish after eating them

• trying to eat a 'proper' meal with protein, though usually it has been cooked by M&S

-make sure you clean your teeth and stick your head under a shower. It's tempting to skip when you feel so shit but it helps. They teach the SAS to do this when on Ops (wash I mean, not have a shower ) because it makes you feel so much better.

You have my total sympathy - there is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture

The dribbling is most probably teething OP but the strong smelling wee I'd get checked out with your Dr in just incase he has a water infection bless him.

Like others have said be kind to yourself,try and rest when your baby does and do the bare minimum needed whilst his sleep pattern is out of whack.

Have you got an OH?If so everytime you've fed your baby(or even just twice a night)could they take over and do the the winding,nappy changing and putting the baby back in they're cot?
Honestly it could give you an extra 20-30 minutes each time,not loads I know but it all helps.
My DH used to do that with our youngest DD(we have 5DC)because she was none as a booby monster(by her brothers and sisters)she would wake all through the night to feed.

Also if you've got a breast pump could you express some milk and leave your OH to see to the night feeds for one night a week?
It's best to sleep in a different room if you can on that one night so that your DS can't smell the milk on you.If you can't express you could try formula one night a week.
Even one night of undisturbed sleep a week can really help how you'll feel physically,mentally and emotionally.
You getting some decent sleep is the most important thing,we all need that time to recharge our batteries and no time more than when you've just had a baby.

Thanks everyone

He started solids at 4months (on medical advice due to reflux), he has 3 puree-meals a day (7am: rice&fruit, 12noon: rice&veg, 6pm: potato&veg) plus unlimited breastfeeding. He won't take much water. Tried bottle and cup.

He's soaking a bib an hour so yes probably thirsty. I'll try water at night. I've tried giving dummy instead but he spits it out after 5mins and cries until I feed him.

He has sleepsuit and 1.5tog growbag with thin blanket on top, room temp around 19.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has shouted at baby I feel so guilty afterwards. The rage is overwhelming when it gets to 5am I end up crying and apologising to him then shouting again then crying more

I'll try to get him to take longer naps. So far he will only fall asleep if cuddled but seems that's a bad habit I need to change.

Has anyone tried 'crying down' method to help baby under 6months learn to self-soothe?

Will definitely try CC when he turns 6months.

DH occasionally gets up with him but he won't settle without breast.

Oh god this nearly finished me off. Dd1 would not go to sleep 3 - 7 months.On occasion she screamed all night.

I went to 4 gps. My mother came to stay to "sort this out" as we were all good sleepers. She left after 3 days admitting she didn't know what to do.

Christ knows what to do but it did pass. Was ok by 8 months.

Fwiw dreaded this with dd2 - nope slept like a dream.

Yes also did the sobbing and "please shut the fuck up" when woken after 2 hours yet again after 5 months of no sleep. I wasn't safe to drive (so didn't). Be kind to yourself. Mine now 9 and 7 and nothing has come close to the challenge of those sleepless nights.

I have given solids to all my breastfed babies at this age (younger in fact) for exactly this reason.

Formula fed babies can make it to six months without solids. Very few solely breastfed babies can.

The evidence that late weaning prevents food allergies is sketchy, to say the least.

I shall be flamed. But your baby is hungry!

Rooner - you wont be flamed by me! I know what my baby needed and each one was different but they did need food before 6 months. we have multiple allergies in our family but none of my DC have them.

sympathise with the reflux issue OP. it does make it all a lot lot harder. have you tried raising the end of the cot slightly so its on a slope. my dc with reflux had to sleep sitting up for some time. still has it now unfortunately and is a teenager.

I think hungry and needs you as a sleep cue combo! Babies at this age become suddenly so much more aware of the world and excited so feeding is distracted during the day, feeding at night is so much more peaceful so i would beware that he isn't hungry. then sleep cues: you can't be 'how' he falls asleep, try this book Teach Yourself Baby Sleep - i have recommended it before, its ace!!!

Formula fed babies can make it to six months without solids. Very few solely breastfed babies can

I really could not disagree with this more! mine are all ebf and weaned at 6 months no trouble. Breastmilk is highly calorific!

not flaming Rooner! just different experience :)

Weaning made no difference to mine. Sounds like you're already finding the same. Dd needed to learn to settle without food or being held. It's the only thing that worked.

Please don't be too hard on yourself about the shouting. You're definitely not alone. It's not great but when you are stretched so thin it's understandable. A year ago I was in the phone to my mum sobbing that 'I never thought I would be so bad at this' and 'I'm the sort of person who shouts at a tiny baby'. It feels like a lifetime ago. I am not that person but my mental health was seriously poor after months of struggling on. As soon as she slept through a couple of nights I clicked straight back to my old self. You can get through this. Your baby will be ok.

Glad to know I'm not the only one who has shouted at baby

When I was a junior doctor, I used to hope that patients on their way by ambulance would die before they got to us . Sleep deprivation makes you irrational.

I would make sure if he is on solids he is getting enough calories in a day, as he may be hungry. Remember vegetables have very few calories in compared to breast milk or formula.

I would change his food slightly. As he's under 6 months I wouldn't give everything yet but you can give things higher calorie. He's almost 6 months though so soon you can add extra. Ditch the baby rice, it has no nutrition and little calories

Breakfast: baby porridge made with breastmilk or formula

Lunch: mashed avocado

Dinner: sweet potato and regular potato mashed ( both high calorie veg), with a little formula or breastmilk mixed in

Those will all fill him far more than baby rice and carrots. Remember veg alone is like diet food for many.

Try and breastfeed him before his meals though, like 7am breastfeed, then 8am breakfast. That way he is drinking enough first as not full so he isn't thirsty or dehydrated.

Once he is over 6 months things like eggs, salmon, cream cheese, nut butters are all healthy but filling

Oh, do not feel bad for shouting. They do not remember.

At one point around six months, I lost something in the house. I called my husband up at work and screamed at him hysterically that he needed to stop hiding things from me. I actually believed he had done it deliberately to make me feel crazy.

Very dark time!

As much as possible, look after yourself. Bollocks to cleaning. Sit around as much as possible. But eat healthily. And take post pregnancy vitamins.

I added up (with paper and pen, like actually added it up) all the hours my husband spent on his commute over a week and used them to "prove" he had more downtime and that his life was a cakewalk compared to my sleep deprived prison.

Not sleeping is a bitch and you have utmost sympathy.

Much sympathy OP, it is so hard. I'll not add my two pence worth since there will be masses of conflicting advice, and some things work for some babies, and of course sometimes you just have to ride it out, as babies will wake and will need to night feed.

Best of luck. As they say, it won't be forever, it just feels like it at the time.

When ds1 was like this sleep training was the only thing that worked. I couldn't bring myself to do it until he was 10 months (and we used a gentle method, not cc) so I am not saying that you must do this if you don't want to, only that it is there to be considered now or at a later date.

I've just gone through a month of hourly wakings with my 5 month old and I was at breaking point. It is so hard. So in the end I had to teach him to self settle. On the first night he cried for about 10 minutes and I didn't leave him, just rubbed his back for reassurance. By the third night he grizzled for a few minutes and fell asleep. A week later he's waking up twice for feeding (midnight and 5am) and I feel like a new woman. He even naps in his cot now which he never did before. I think the sleep training process helped me identify what was a real cry vs what was a Whingey grizzle.

Do you feed the baby to sleep? If so I think stopping that is what really is going to help because he won't be able to resettle without feeding.

Poor you its so hard. Things that helped my DS who is now 7 months and by some kind of miracle slerps 11ish hours but at 5 months was a horror.

1. weaning onto solids at 5.5mo
2. teaching to self settle with shush pat so to separate from feeding.

Thanks for all the support and advice

I'm going to give him sweet potato tonight, mashed with expressed milk. When I first started him on solids I was giving him sweet potato most nights and he was sleeping 6hours! Since then I've mainly been relying on jars, just looked at label, they are only 20%potato rest is carrots and water!! So maybe he's not getting enough calories during day. I'll ditch the rice too.He doesn't want much milk during day so I'll try upping his feeds.

Good to hear your stories about irrational things you've done when sleep deprived, makes me feel less alone

On baby no.2. No.1 slept like yours. Not had a chance to read all the responses but here's my tuppence worth:

You can cope! Because it won't last. He'll start to sleep longer soon. In the meantime
-rest when you can in the day
-get lots of breastmilk into him in the daytime
-try him on a bottle, so your partner can do a nightfeed

I wouldn't sleep train at this age personally (still trying to gather the guts to do it with my 2yo! Good luck).

Please don't listen to some of the advice above. You do not need to introduce formula and bf babies should be offered complimentary solids up til at least 1 year. Solid meals should not replace breastfeeds. It's actually probably the fact that you've started him on solids so early that is the problem. I'm not sure you were given good advice to start early just because of reflux. You're feeding your baby 3 puréed meals a day (all jars?) - he's probably reduced his breastfeeds as a result because his tummy gets full from the 3 meals but there's hardly any calories in those and they are all far less nutritious than breastmilk so no wonder he's feeding non stop at night. And stop feeding jars - they aren't the best option either.

Also are you feeding baby rice? That's got no nutritional value at all, I would steer clear of it to be honest.

CC is not the answer - it's not recommended anymore due to the most recent evidence found on how the stress levels from CC stay with the baby even after they've fallen asleep. Babies of 5mo should not be "sleep trained". They are waking for a reason.

coconut pie - can I see the evidence please that CC is not the answer!!!

not recommended by whom?

CC works. it gives the baby proper sleep. it gives you a proper sleep. Honestly your answer is singularly unhelpful on so many levels. talk about guilt tripping.

Just out of interest, are you in favour of co-sleeping by any chance???

Where's your evidence for the coconut?
Also I would say a baby that age isn't awake ever hour for a reason other than they do not known how to get themselves back to sleep. Sleep training is okay if the op is comfortable with it.

is awake