My boyfriend doesn't want anymore kids

[MUNCHKINA86]

Hi I just wanted some advice and opinions from people I don't know on this subject.

My boyfriend of 2 years has just decided to tell me he doesn't want any more children. He has a son from a previous relationship who is 5. At the start I made it clear I wanted children and he said he couldn't wait to start a family. I just have no idea what to do. I have looked at this from a different perspective and there is a part of me that feels I was in love with the idea of having a baby , not raising a child. He told me if I couldn't accept his decision we need to break up. I love him so much after 10 years of being unlucky in love I feel like I've found the perfect man for me. I decided I would accept this as I didn't want to lose him. We have his son stay on a weekend and I've said I just need some time away from that to come to terms with how my life will be. He is being completely selfish over this and has told me if I can't deal with his son then we need to split up. I just feel everything is on his terms with no consideration to my feelings. He has told me he doesn't want kids but expects me to look after his son on a weekend. Am I being unreasonable to think that if I have to accept his decision on kids and he wants me to live a childless life then why should I be forced to play an active part in his child's life who he has with another woman.

Please help

[sportinguista]

DH was very anti more children for many years because he had dss very young (about 22) and there was a certain amount of difficulty with his ex. But he never ruled it out so completely and never expected me to babysit dss whilst he went out. It took around 8 years for us to come to the point where we started trying for ds and I was late thirties so we have only the one, but we did put it off for practical reasons (getting a house, jobs established etc) which were all things he didn't have when dss was born (they were on benefits).

I think in your case it might be better for you to sit down with him and say that you do want children, it is not very kind of him to expect you to look after another woman's child and not be able to have your own much wanted child. Make the arrangements to move out and maybe try dating again or activities where you can meet a range of people. You never know the right man might be out there for you and five years down the line you'll be happy and settled with children.

[RomComPhooey]

There's a bit of me that wonders if you're the woman he's subconsciously decided to 'punish' for all he's suffered at the hands of women?

I thought this too.

You deserve better. And so does his son - poor little mite, coming to see his Dad & then being roundly ignored by him. Your boyfriend is not a good guy, quite the reverse.

[Joyzeng]

Hi .I have very similar situation then you. I want our own baby in the future.He doesn't want kids anymore . I am 26, He is 42 and he has 2 daughters already .They are 12years and 14years old. He said the same thing to me thatif I can not deal with it .Then we should break up. if I am ok with it .He hope me to stay with him as long as I can. He said he doesn't want to see me to be sad every times because of this . He loves to be together with me but he is ok to be alone ,too. He said maybe he is selfish but he can not be more honest to me. He said sometimes he hope we can broke up and I can easily find other man to have normal family life but at the same time he wish we stay together .He is a serious guy. He stayed 17years together with her ex-wife. I wondering how are you and your boyfriend now.

[MrMessy]

I think you need to start your own thread for advice Joyzeng. Maybe put it on the relationship board there are loads of people with similar experiences on there that can offer advice.

[Joyzeng]

Thank you

[MermaidsTears]

We are the same age and I have three children. If I didn't there is no way I could just give up and accept that. I had to have them.
To me it either sounds like he wants out of the relationship and thinks he has a sure fire way of you leaving if he tells you no children....
Or....
He thinks he has you so far under his thumb he can throw around threats of relationship needing to end if you don't agree with him etc safe in the knowledge you'll fall in line and stay and carry on with his way or the high way approach.
He sounds shit

[Creampastry]

Walk (run) away from him

[ChickenVindaloo2]

I think he wants to break up (for whatever reason) and is too cowardly to do it. So he's trying to make YOU do it.

[MargaretTwatyer]

Lots of threats from him about splitting up from him which implies to me is actually hoping you will make that decision.

Sorry, it looks like he's looking for a way out.

Agree with this. He wants to split but wants you to be the one to do it.

[Piewraith]

OP you have plenty of time to have dc but also not enough time to waste.

Due to his laziness and rudeness, no one should waste their time on this guy even if they have 100 fertile years left.

Whether he changed his mind or was lying up until now, you ll never know. The one good thing is that he is being honest now. He could have easily fobbed you off with excuses for a few more years.

It's also possible he is lying now, to make you break up with him. In fact I'm 99% sure he will have more kids. 20 years from now with a younger women.

[HipsterHunter]

I don't think you can stop the son coming to his dads... but you can certainly make arrangements to be out, see friends/family, and take zero role in looking after said child.