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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think they should realise

34 replies

pistachiogreen · 06/02/2016 22:07

I think I am probably BU. I'm a single parent and I have two great DC, a job I like, and a pretty good network of friends. I see people for coffee/playdates with the DC fairly regularly, the odd night out, I've got a weekend away with friends in a few weeks.

But exH has got the kids for the whole of half term, and I have got nothing to do. Literally nothing. I work term time only so I won't even be in work. I thought at least I could make the most of it, plan a few nights out or at least coffee etc with friends. My friend who I was supposed to be going out with on the Sat has cancelled. Others have to 'check' with their DHs, or they have family staying etc. I'm starting to feel like I look a bit desperate trying to arrange stuff.

Is it too much to ask? I would have thought I don't need to spell it out I'm going to be on my own, completely for the whole week. I always miss the kids rotten and usually manage to keep myself busy and make plans but somehow this time it hasn't worked out. I'm dreading it now, and all I get is 'ooh how lucky, a whole week to yourself'. I would have thought someone would have realised I'm going to find it tough and could do with a bit of company. Sad But then all my friends are married/with partners and I know they're busy with their own families. So I am probably just being unreasonable and self indulgent. Sob.

OP posts:
Original poster
pistachiogreen · 06/02/2016 22:46

Oh god, you all hate me too

OP posts:
Lovelilies2 · 06/02/2016 22:48

Could you go away on a little trip somewhere?

ghostyslovesheep · 06/02/2016 22:51

yes - when ex takes mine away I plan a trip myself - go have fun

or decorate - that's my fall back!

gamerchick · 06/02/2016 22:53

Weeeeel I don't think you're being self indulgent. However I'm imagining a week on my own and quite liking the idea. New game out next week, sorted.

You may have to spell it out that you would like some company though and it sounds as if you should.

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 06/02/2016 22:56

You might have to spell it out tbh. If one of my friends was going to be alone all week I'd be insanely jealous! But if she said "actually, I'm feeling sad", I'd clear my evenings for her and invite her along to any day trips.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 06/02/2016 22:57

Maybe they all are really busy? I don't think just because you have a free week it will make people any more available than they usually would be.

itsmeagain1 · 06/02/2016 22:57

Honestly, I can see both sides - could you plan some projects and hope in the meantime that some of your friends are free?
I would adore a week at home without the kids, imagine the clear out you could do, get rid of old clothes and toys etc.. I think I'd blitz the house, drink wine, watch netflix, go for long walks..

FlatOnTheHill · 06/02/2016 22:59

Im a single mum. I fully understand how you are feeling. You dont want a trip away on your own or with friends. You want some quality time with your kids. I dont blame you.

ImperialBlether · 06/02/2016 22:59

But, itsmeagain1, would you adore a week completely on your own? That's what the OP is facing.

manicinsomniac · 06/02/2016 23:02

I think they need telling.

I'm also a single parent but tbh, I wouldn't realise your situation/feelings without being told. My children don't have fathers so they are always with me plus, although I'm also term time only, I and/or the children are always insanely busy. I absolutely have time for my friends but I do tend to need prompting.

'do you want to go for a drink on Saturday night?' is likely to see me responding with 'would absolutely love to but X, Y or Z busy busy excuse, can we do next week instead?'

Whereas 'I'm on my own all week this week and feeling a bit down/sorry for myself. Can we meet up?' would get a 'yes, of course' reply.

ForeverLivingMyArse · 06/02/2016 23:02

I think you need to be clear with your mates that you will feel lonely and would appreciate meeting up.

I used to make myself cross at everyone around me because they weren't reading my mind.

Original poster
pistachiogreen · 06/02/2016 23:06

Yeah, I thought about a trip away but I really have no spare cash. I am planning on doing things like a spring clean, clearing out the kids' wardrobes etc... And I'm quite happy to go to the cinema on my own. But I had hoped for at least a bit of company one or two evenings. I think they maybe just forget or don't realise what it's like to be just on your own, all the time... And a part of me feels like I thought I had good friends but maybe they only want to see me when it's convenient for them.

OP posts:
AlwaysHopeful1 · 06/02/2016 23:16

But I don't see why you want them to realize. A week for you has changed not them. Your friends will just be going about with their normal routines. If you want their company it's up to you to ask. They probably don't realize, but I don't think that makes your friends wrong.

AgentZigzag · 06/02/2016 23:23

Ooh how lucky, a whole week to yourself

It can be a bit daunting seeing the time spanning out, could you divide the days up into maybe one day doing things around the house you've been putting off, another doing stuff that's just for you reading/films/day out, then spend three days a whole day posting on MN with wine/munchies.

The week will go in a flash and you'll be dreading the noise and mess welcoming your DC coming back in no time Smile

Original poster
pistachiogreen · 06/02/2016 23:24

Always I have asked, one friend who I was supposed to be seeing has now cancelled, others have been non committal. I just kind of would have thought that when I say 'hey, exH has got the kids for the whole of half term, do you want to get together one evening?' they would realise that actually I could really do with some company.

OP posts:
Ameliablue · 07/02/2016 02:52

Maybe they just have a lot on themselves.

DragonRojo · 07/02/2016 10:14

I am in the same situation but started pinning friends down for evenings out during half term at least 5 weeks ago. The ones with DCs are likely to be very busy or away that week, so you need a large pool of options before you find someone available. I am lucky that my Meetup social group is meeting one of those evenings. So YANBU to be a bit disappointed, but not are your friends. If they are not free, there's little they can do. Have you tried expanding your group of friends to include people who don't have DCs? I have tried via Meetup and it is working quite well

Katenka · 07/02/2016 10:20

Tag. Between work and the kids half term is really busy for me. I am also knackered at the end of each day.

It maybe that school oli days are difficult for your friends. It would be for me.

I agree with the advice to expand your friendship circles.

Katenka · 07/02/2016 10:21

That's should started with 'tbh' not 'tag. Blush

Xmasbaby11 · 07/02/2016 10:24

Most people just don't have much annual leave and if they are lucky enough to be off during half term it's probably to be with their kids.

I rarely have time to myself so wrong person to ask!hope you make some fun plans soon.

DoreenLethal · 07/02/2016 10:29

You could do a week's volunteering?

ThornyBird · 07/02/2016 10:36

I'm on the camp of spelling it out to your friends - I would not realise how lonely/sad you are feeling about the week.

I get that I should be able to work it out but I also think that unless you have been in a particular situation, it isn't necessarily obvious how difficult it can be. (Thinking of lack of support from in laws when we moved to the arse end of the country because "you're so outgoing, you'll make friends in no time" Sad - none of them have ever relocated further than the next village)

CantWaitForWarmWeather · 07/02/2016 10:42

Just enjoy a week to yourself. Even if you aren't really doing anything. You don't need to be out doing things all week to have an enjoyable week.

Does your ex work? If so who will be looking after the children?

DianaTrent · 07/02/2016 10:45

Definitely be clearer with them if you're this upset about the prospect. I'd be gutted if a friend of mine was feeling this way and didn't let me know. I'm a real introvert, so this idea wouldn't occur to me - I'd be in heaven pottering about with my books and paints and going on long walks with the dogs. I'd definitely need told someone else wasn't looking forward to it. I'd want to be told, though, and be very happy to have you tag along with whatever I was doing even if I was already committed to plans for the week.

trian · 07/02/2016 10:48

you are not being unreasonable and self indulgent.
They should realise that we're not all lucky enough to have a partner and that those of us that are should be supportive of those of us that aren't (unless they're having a rocky patch or something, but in that case if they're close friends they should say).
I don't think there's anything wrong with saying that you're really going to miss your DC and they should take the hint from that.
Maybe do some volunteering although it can be hard for vol organisations to do vol placements for ppl that are only going to be around for a week.....maybe BTCV? british trust conservation vols

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