to think they should realise

[pistachiogreen]

I think I am probably BU. I'm a single parent and I have two great DC, a job I like, and a pretty good network of friends. I see people for coffee/playdates with the DC fairly regularly, the odd night out, I've got a weekend away with friends in a few weeks.

But exH has got the kids for the whole of half term, and I have got nothing to do. Literally nothing. I work term time only so I won't even be in work. I thought at least I could make the most of it, plan a few nights out or at least coffee etc with friends. My friend who I was supposed to be going out with on the Sat has cancelled. Others have to 'check' with their DHs, or they have family staying etc. I'm starting to feel like I look a bit desperate trying to arrange stuff.

Is it too much to ask? I would have thought I don't need to spell it out I'm going to be on my own, completely for the whole week. I always miss the kids rotten and usually manage to keep myself busy and make plans but somehow this time it hasn't worked out. I'm dreading it now, and all I get is 'ooh how lucky, a whole week to yourself'. I would have thought someone would have realised I'm going to find it tough and could do with a bit of company. But then all my friends are married/with partners and I know they're busy with their own families. So I am probably just being unreasonable and self indulgent. Sob.

Do all your pals have the week off too? Even if they don't, these weeks can fill up pretty quickly with all the things people don't have time to do during work time and term time. I've got three days off next week and it's all taken up with family-based things and I mostly won't even be home - if a friend asked me to meet up then I'd have to say no.

I think either you'll have to really spell it out to one of your closest pals (that you could really do with the company) or do as other posters have suggested, plan your time, and try to appreciate it if you can.

I did have a plan for a night out with one friend, but she's cancelled as she says she's got a lot of expenses this month. I might invite her over to mine instead, but we live opposite sides of the city and it would involve driving for her and not drinking, so I can't imagine she'll say yes. Another friend, who did say last week she was up for doing something at the weekend, now says she'll have to see as she and her DH have been invited out for dinner with another couple and she needs to check with him if he wants to go So I feel like I've been ditched. And 3 others just haven't replied to a text 3 days ago. These are people who I'd consider good friends, so I think it's just thoughtlessness rather than they actually just don't want to hang out with me! But I don't want to have to spell it out, I don't want someone keeping me company out of pity.

I'm used to spending time by myself and quite enjoy it, and I will have plenty of time for pottering /reading/getting on with household jobs etc. But a whole week in my own company does kinda fill me wth dread.

I agree next time I need to plan things earlier! The half term.plan was a last minute thing though, exH suddenly asked if he could take them away and I couldn't say no, the kids will have a great time.

From their perspective it might look a bit like you want to see them because you have nothing better on. I think it is a bit U to expect them to step up the social contact because you have more free time.

To be honest half term for me means doing the things with my family that I can't do otherwise, I usually work shifts so some days finish at 7pm others it is 10pm and don't often get the chance to just chill with my family in the evenings. I have managed to book 3 days off during half term and I will be using that for my family time, doing stuff like watching films with the kids, spending time with my OH without the worry of everyone having to be up for school, work etc in the morning.
Although my friends are important to me, time with my family is more so. I would just not be available during half term week for getting together with friends because my time with my family is precious to me as I get very little in normal working weeks.
You appear genuinely confused if your smiley is anything to go by that a friend wants to check with her partner about something they have both been invited to.
I am sure your friends are not being intentionally thoughtless, rather they are just spending time with their own families, which for many people is more important.

Perhaps your friend could stay the night rather than driving home ? Offer to cook dinner so all she has to pay for is a bottle to bring along ?

Bad form for other friend to ditch you when another offer comes along. Someone wiser will hopefully come along to advise how to deal with that.

As for the others yet to reply, why don't you go for advise above and send another text explaining you're not looking forward to time alone and really hope you can all meet up at some point. It may be that thought they'd reply when they knew what their own plans were. And if they're anything like me have since forgotten. If I don't reply within the hour I have forgotten to do so.

I think you're being a bit unreasonable expecting them to realise based on what you've said.

If you want to see them over half term, be clearer. If you don't want to do that, fair enough, but don't bear any hard feelings about them not guessing that you didn't actually want to be on your own the whole time.

Do you make an effort to meet friends when it's not half term ie when you are busier?

I ask as a friend of mine is a teacher and despite all of our group meeting regularly, never wants to meet up. Ever. Suddenly, it gets to half term and she's messaging me constantly asking to meet. She even asked if she could meet valentines weekend - which was annoying as we all had to say no (we are with partners and she is single) and feel bad about it. Truth is, because she never usually wants to meet (remember she is a teacher, it's not that she's a parent) we've all gotten to the stage that we don't think we should be dropping everything to meet on her terms all the time.

I am NOT saying you are doing this, but just trying to put myself in their shoes to see why they may be behaving in a way that hurts you.

theycall but it's true, I do have nothing better on! Because usually I've got the kids, it's very unusual for me to have free time to go out in the evenings.

rainbow I'm confused because I thought we had plans.

tootired I might suggest friend stays over, I hadn't thought of that. I'm always conscious of not wanting to impose on family time but she might appreciate a morning off getting up with the kids.

I wonder if they've been reading this thread because one friend has got back to me, so I do have at least one social engagement planned, hurrah!

theclick I know what you mean, but I'm not like that. Sine being on my own I make more of an effort than ever with play dates, coffee at weekends, inviting people over etc. ExH usually only has DC once a month so it's rare for me to go out, but if I don't have the kids I pretty much always accept an invitation. Ironically, if I had the kids for half term we'd definitely be really busy meeting up with people!

I think it's just they genuinely don't realise. I thought maybe they would, but they're not single parents, they don't know. Maybe I need to find some single parent friends...