Aibu to say "no" to dd's godfather?

[Harriedharriet]

Background. We live abroad with no family on either side close by. We have three dds. Oldest (8yrs) has a godfather in this city. Godfather lives with his girlfriend. They decided many years ago not to have any dcs. Godfather is dear friend of DH. I like godfather and his partner.
So - the AIBU. Godfather likes to take dd out once every three weeks for dinner. This is in the last 18mts since we moved here. The two younger ones get very upset by this (not fair, she gets everything etc). Godfather is aware that it is causing conflict. I have suggested once evey few months. Have also explained time and again to DH. It falls on deaf ears with both.
It now seems to have turned into a battle of wills. I dread the emails asking as he often will push back for an alternate day and not accept my excuse. DH says it is wonderful that another adult is taking an interest. I think that every three weeks is too much and compromises her relationship with her sisters. I also think she is too young to have an "outside" relationship but maybe I am wrong there? My Godparents gave presents and an occasional day but became more active when I was older (teen). Same with my sibs and cousins.
So Wibu to say once every three to four months?

[ArmfulOfRoses]

It's not about him not liking them though is it?
Just tell them, repeatedly if necessary, rather than actively trying to stop your choice of gf doing exactly what it is that (presumably) you dreamed of when she was tiny.

I know a family where the eldest has to hand over presents she has received to the younger sibling, because otherwise she kicks off.
It is tough imo.
Siblings get different things, and as a pp said, you need to help your 2 understand that.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

OP, if your 7 and 5 year old keep asking that same question, you need to clear it up for them. It's simple. He's their sisters godparent. Not theirs. . Explain it to them. They have their own godparents. Maybe they should send them pictures or letters to get them involved in their lives.

[WorraLiberty]

Where will it end though?

One DC has a friend who invites them to playdates a lot and the others get jealous.

Another DC gets invited to a lot more parties than the other two, who then get jealous.

It's a parent's job to help their children cope with these things, not to limit their sibling's opportunities.

[AlwaysHopeful1]

Stop giving it oxygen...

Exactly this.

Make alternate plans for the other two. They don't always need to be doing everything together. Your other two need to learn that.
It's absolutely lovely that they have this bond with her. Think about it, she now has two additional adults who are looking out for her and care. Isn't that great? It's a problem because you are making it so. Once a month isn't too much at all.

[Sparkletastic]

Every 3 weeks is very frequent. Also sounds like he's being pushy. Playing at being dad is all very well but a bit shit if it causes ructions with the other DCs. We're not religious so no godparents but I won't allow either of my DDs to be favoured over the other if I can possibly prevent. Life isn't fair but that doesn't have to be made painfully apparent at such a young age.

[MTPurse]

YABU.

You chose him as a Godfather and I think it is lovely he is taking that role seriously.

I have told him that the other two struggle with it

That really is not his problem, YOU as a Mother should be dealing with your two younger jealous children.

[mouldycheesefan]

Agree with the stop giving it oxygen approach. Children do different things. End of. Let them have. Friend to play that day or take them somewhere.

[Bluecheese22]

I think it's lovely that he takes his Godfather responsibilities serious and takes an interest in your daughter. You just need to explain to your younger ones their relationship and maybe persue their Godparents into taking an active interest.

[TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams]

I would mostly be concerned that the initial novelty of a "child for a day" will wear off and that the visits will dwindle and be perceived as rejection by your child. But if he is doing this for 18 months and counting then I'd say that he's being a good godfather.

If DD is coming back and bragging about being taken to themed restaurants or activities that the other two envy then she is old enough to be told to tone it down too.

Once a month is fine though imo.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

Good thing you didn't appoint godparents then sparkletastic

[Youarentkiddingme]

Well you chose him as a godfather for a reason. So why then prevent him having that relationship with Dd1?

Will you stop your other DDs doing things in the future because their elder sister didn't do it when younger?

[Waltermittythesequel]

You're creating and feeding a ridiculous little drama for you all.

The other two should be told he's eldest's godfather and therefore wants to take her out occasionally.

It happens.

What about when she's asked to play days and parties? Are you going to be one of those parents who brings the entire brood?

Stop being so special snowflakey about the children. It won't damage them.

[WorraLiberty]

He's not 'playing at being Dad' for goodness sake.

[Harriedharriet]

FLOG - of course it does. We live abroad. Before we lived here this GF was not on the radar. He is now because we live in his town. As we do not really know anybody yet there is a paucity of adults drop in and out. So yes, it causes a problem because here is daddy's best friend and he is only here for dd1 and comes every three weeks.

I hear you all but I cannot help feeling that he is being a little selfish here.

[SilverDragonfly1]

It's not fair for your eldest to miss out just because you chose godparents for the others who don't live locally. I wouldn't be putting up with any jealous nonsense from the younger ones tbh.

Also what ThickandThin and Armful said.

[Harriedharriet]

SmT Purse - you are offensive.

[kungfupannda]

I think YABU.

My godfather took me out about once a month and I still remember those day trips with great fondness. We are still close now that he is in his 80s.

I didn't have siblings, but I think it is up to you to manage the situation to your younger children, rather than preventing what sounds like a good godparent-godchild relationship. Siblings just have to learn that they are different people with different interests and relationships and that fair treatment doesn't necessarily mean that they all get to do exactly the same things.

DS2 will sometimes ask why he's not going to a party that DS1 is invited to. I tell him it's because it's one of DS1's friends and he's not invited. He's never shown any signs of not understanding or accepting it.

[Sparkletastic]

Indeed ThroughThickAndThin01 - we are atheists so it wouldn't be appropriate.

Yes he may well be playing at being dad. Lots of people like to dip into parenting.

[MTPurse]

My ds is ball boy for a football club, if I had your thinking then I would either have to sit all my dc on the sideline on match days to make things 'fair' or not allow my ds to do it just to be 'fair'.

I wouldn't dream of doing either, it is how it is.

[Harriedharriet]

NNAL - exactly. Thank you.

[Sparkletastic]

And really shit of posters to dismiss younger DCs perfectly understandable feelings.

[mouldycheesefan]

SMTpurse is correct op. This is a non issue.

[ThroughThickAndThin01]

he is being a little selfish here

I've typed quite s few responses. And deleted them.

Don't be so ridiculous OP.

[SatsukiKusakabe]

I think that the sibling jealousy thing they will just have to live with, agree it's just how it is, and it's great for her to have her godfather involved.

However, I agree with you that every 3 weeks seems quite frequent, and I would be concerned that it is not sustainable and your dd would end up getting hurt. Trust your instincts. Every 3 - 4 months might be too long but certainly 6-8 weeks seems a better compromise.

[MTPurse]

I apologise if I offended You but I still stand by what I said.