Anyone else's mum a bit shit at giving advice <lighthearted>

[SooYoon]

I love my mum.

But she's not very reassuring!!

So if I go to her with a little niggle/moan I just end up feeling worse after!!

Can anyone relate??

I imagine the thread of the next generation will be a chorus of omg my mum thought coconut oil was for everything too!

no im not babysitting for a couple of hours so you can do a collage course what if there are men there and you get pregnant again! for the record i had one ONE six/seven year old at the time (i now have two more after meeting a man at school which i would not have done had she babysat so i could get qualified for the job i wanted (well maybe)

My DM told me when I was 16 years old that I should not expect good looking boys to like me as much as my two sisters. The boy that would like me, would be 'special' and would not care about my appearance, and would love me for who I am inside.

I left the room stunned and convinced I was ugly as sin. My younger sister who was 15 at the time held me while I sobbed and 19 years on she still raises it as an example of what a terrible mother we have.

My mother is convinced that I should give up work to look after DD and DS.

I cannot seem to make her understand that this is impossible as:(a) these days you typically need two wages coming in to have a reasonable standard of living; and (b) I earn considerably more than DH; and (c) I love my job and hate the idea of being a SAHP - it's definitely not for me

Oh - random on that post. Oops

me, as a child: Mam, I feel really sick. I need the bucket.
her: well, you were ok yesterday!

that's great and everything, but it doesn't alter the reality!

or growing up - "don't be too clever, boots, boys don't like girls who are cleverer than them!"

and when I did eventually grow up and get married, "so you don't have depression any more, do you? I mean, you've got married now!" (obviously marital sex is the cure in her mind....)

Kansasmum How horrible. When DS was in SCBU (and I was a single Mum on my own) she said she wouldn't come to see him as she 'just couldn't bear to see him like that, and it would be too upsetting for her. Yea coz I'm hard nosed for it not to bother me

At times of crisis she may be initially supportive ie she has rushed down within hours for two bereavements but when the initial.....dare I say it 'excitement' has gone, that yes she can gossip to people about and tell people how wonderful she was..it all ends up about her

I have a lovely mum but bloody hell, she is such a prophet of doom. It is beyond irritating and often takes the shine off what should be an exciting occasion.

For example,

Me: Flights all booked mam, we should be with you around midday on Sunday 8th.
Mother: Oh well, let's hope it doesn't crash or disappear then.

I was ill and my sister came to look after me, mum said in a phone call how it's nice my sister mothers me. I did wonder if any sort of self awareness filled the silence where I bit my tongue not to say I wondered why that could be..

I think generally she preferred not to give advice before something so she'd have more chance to disapprove after it.

I had alopecia a couple of years ago. My DH spotted the first bald patch and then after getting through a day a work trying to hide both my upset state and the bare patch on my head, I went round to my mum's for a bit of sympathy (I have never learned).

Her first words after I turned up sobbing were, "It could be worse, X next door has pancreatic cancer."

Didn't know how to respond because she was technically right.

I should add, my mum really is a lovely person and she was genuinely trying to make me feel better. She's just crap at it.

My Mom is shit at advice and has developed this silly giggle, like a nervous laugh if I ask her for advice or tell her I've had bad news! I just don't bother...

Everything should be cured with anti biotics. If I mention I've got a headache/bit of a sniffle my mums always says "you should go to the Dr and get some antibiotics".
I think this is a generation thing, from when antibiotics were a new wonder drug and they had memories of Uncle Fred dieing of septicimia from a simple cut.

The "oink" advice above jogged my memory - I was getting picked on in primary school and my mum's advice was to respond to any and all retorts with: "Well at least I have some common sense"

Worst thing is I actually did this and got picked on even more because of it!

I think this qualifies as truly terrible advice.
I was 14 and suffering through puberty and dealing with heavy, intensely painful and irregular periods. What does my Mum say?
"Well some women find their cycle gets better after they have a baby."
I was 14! What was she expecting me to do?
She only took me to see a GP after I was repeatedly sent home from school having passed out from the pain. Every month she'd tell me all about the ONE time she had a bad one and had to be taken for a lie down at college. Oh how I am sick of that story.
She's wrong though, two children later and they're still terrible.

Like a lot of posters my relationship with my Mum is fine if I keep everything superficial. Mostly it's because she's a misery topper. I've never had a cold/migraine/injury as bad as she or someone she knows has. The worst case was when DH and I were not long married and living in his Dads old house who had not long passed away. Dh had been looking after his Dad for years and had nowhere else to live. His brothers just wanted their share and fast, despite the will stipulating that dh could take as long to live in the house as he liked, they were moving to evict us.
I ask my Mum for help and I am told in great detail about the time my parents decided they wanted to move from the midlands to the south. My Dad got a new job, but their house didn't sell.
"So there I was, looking to spend possibly months with him living away!"
I pointed out that their VOLUNTARY situation was not the same and didn't involve family members threatening to make them homeless. She was offended.

In the immediate aftermath of my husband leaving me for another woman - "did you try hard enough to stop him? If I could have kept the marriage together for your son, I would have. Still. We could see this coming. I told you, didn't I say...? You should have made more of an effort. Put a bit of lippy on when he came home. I know it's hard with a toddler when you're working but have you ever seen me without make-up on?" (Mum divorced my dad when I was a baby.)

When I got good exam results and didn't mention her input into them in the newspaper interview about them: silence, refusal to come to national award ceremony (She never once revised with me, asked to see my revision notes or timetable or indeed prompted me to revise. She couldn't have cared less that I was sitting exams and left me to look after my sister every single weekend in the run up while she went away...)

When I lose weight: "You want to be careful you don't put it back on..."

When I put weight on: "You're killing yourself"

When I take my son outside: "You're not careful enough with him. Look. He's near the river. He's near the river! HE'S NEAR THE RIVER AND HE IS GOING TO DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"

Mums one today in response to the awful maternal care I am receiving from my health trust (no scans booked, no results of downs test, no gestational diabetes test - despite 2 risk factors - I have epilepsy and I am at high risk of preeclampsia from prev preg)

"Im meeting the head matron of the mat unit to complain and I've listed everything"

"Wait until the baby is born to go to complain, don't tempt fate."

"Er mum, you understand that these tests would not have been done without my PALS complaint and can ONLY happen while I'm pregnant? Why would I need a gestational diabetes test if I'm not gestating?"

"Well, it's just tempting fate"

She's a dick.