Anyone else's mum a bit shit at giving advice <lighthearted>

[SooYoon]

I love my mum.

But she's not very reassuring!!

So if I go to her with a little niggle/moan I just end up feeling worse after!!

Can anyone relate??

Ooh just remembered another. I was trying to grow my nails after years of biting them. She advised that I eat raw cubes of jelly. Swear I ate about 3 packs a day! Did it make any difference?Did it fuck ;)

My Mum is a Negative Nelly and sometimes you just go WTF at some of the barmy things she says. I find myself saying "why on earth would you say something like that" when she comes out with negative stuff.

Many years ago she phoned one morning when DS was in the bath, She wanted to know 'why is he in the bath at this time in the morning'. I told her that for the last few days he was waking up with a very wet nappy and ponged a bit so he was in the bath. I said I would have to do something different before he went back to pre-school as...... and before I could finish she went into a huffy rant

.."Well yes, if any of the other mothers at school smell him, you know what people are like and they could report you to Social Services and what with you being a single Mum they would think you aren't looking after him properly and take him off you"

I was only going to say he needed another booster in his nappy

I love my mother very much but she is absolutely certain that she knows best about everything, especially anything child related- and if she thinks you may not like what she has to say she will invent a story or article to back it up (often 'quotes' medical journals or gives examples from her experience in a children's hospital where she had an admin job many years ago). Unfortunately I didn't realise how bad her advice was until I had my own children. For example:

Like MLGs, my mother does not believe in babies being left to cry. When DD was small I was at my wits' end with lack of sleep and looking at sleep training- her advice was that she never put a baby in bed awake ever and that 'studies' show that doing this will lead to depression in later life.

She also considers all playground equipment to be life threatening- I still cannot bring myself to get on or off a roundabout or swing without bringing it to a complete stop first (this is all backed up with numerous stories of life altering injuries as a result of doing so).

She believes that if small children are not setting to sleep then it is a sure sign that they are not tired (definitely not that granny has fed them full of sugar). The obvious answer is to let them get out of bed and play or watch TV for a bit longer. I once allowed her to try this out with DC when staying with her after she told me that I should go to bed and she would deal with bedtime- I thought it might make her see sense (short term pain for long term gain etc). She eventually woke me at about 1am and told me DC was still up but she needed to go to bed. She's still adamant she is right!

And best ever statement to me from her- when DH and I were planning our wedding and she disagreed with some of our plans -' you seem to be under the impression that this wedding is all about you'. Well, yes...

My dad was worse. Ds1 was 3 days old (!!) and just wanted to be held. Dad told me I was being too clingy to him and he had to learn to be away from me

Littlefluffy That has reminded me. When I told her at 40 with a much longed for pg, after 20 years, lots of mc's, (admittedly some of which I hadn't told her about due to fuss she made)..

You are going to have all the tests arn't you ? with a tone, and I just knew what she was implying. No congratulations or anything. She followed this up with "dont tell your Dad, you know what he's like

I was flummoxed and just stuttered a non-answer. I didnt tell her that I was thinking of cancelling my Nuchal as she would of imploded

Some of these have genuinely made me lol and some are quite sad.

I've stopped asking my mum for advice, or even going to her to talk about anything significant or insignificant really. It's a shame because it's made our relationship become very superfical but it's all I can cope with at the moment as she's sooooo negative and it's extremely draining.

Some examples.

I handed my notice in at work to start my own business - Her immediate response was - Will they take you back if it doesn't work out? She didn't even ask why I wanted to leave, what my own business was, not interested.

Hey mum my new business is going really well - It probably won't be this busy come the winter you know so don't rely on it.

She now refers to my working as a "nice little job, a couple of days a week" in which I make a "bit of pocket money". Errr no, I'm working 30 hours a week and making more than I ever made in my previous job.

At a charity night, in which it was announced that we'd made £900, which was £400 more than last year - First words out of her mouth were "it's a shame you didn't make £1000".

We're getting the house decorated - Why? There's nothing wrong with the way it looks, it doesn't need doing, there'll be mess everywhere, I don't know why you're bothering.

Drives me mad.

My mum has just been explain to me shouting at me that she isnt speaking to my dad because he trimmed 12 inches from her table cloth, rather than the 6 inches from each side that she wanted. When i said 12 inches made moat sense she started to explain shout that she had taken it off the table, onto the floor, got it all straight, folded it so it was still the same just one cut, 6 inches off each side but she thought he was cutting twelve inches off each side (he didnt) so theyve not spoken since.

A few minutes later i said a woman in her hometown was arrested for attempted murder and she said 'a lot of women are killing their husbands. You can understand it.'

Ok, my bad, thats not advice at all. I hope.

Oh yes! She's just lovely and she tries to help, but is a real catastrophist.

Mine once asked when I was going to cut the grass. It had been left no longer than ten days.

When I said not yet, she said 'well, just let it grow up to the top of the fence then' and burst into tears.

Oh, and when my fiancé left me for one of my best friends, she said 'at least you're thinner than she is'.

Mine thinks breast feeding is dangerous

When I told my mum I was having twins... She bust into uncontrollable sobs mingled with the odd gens such as

You won't cope
It will be a nightmare
They won't sleep ever
Your life's over
My god you get so fat...

She cried on and off for a god few hours.... She was always a bit odd I miss her so much I wouldn't have minded as much but I am a twin..and she managed just fine.

In some ways its a blessing she's not about now to tell me that the boys don't have autism /ADHD any problems ....its just because I use to pick them up when they cried.... ;+)

Mad as a box of frogs was my mum

I am LMAO @ 'a lot of women are killing their husbands. You can understand it.'. I know I shouldnt

My Mum is always saying she will kill my Dad

Wicked I feel the same about my Mum. I think I have totally disengaged from her and stick to the superficial. She tends to talk for hours about others..she was here Tuesday and talked non stop for 6 hours about...My niece...as much as I love her I dont need a demonstration of how she wiggles her bum or the song she sings. And you know. your other GC is right in front of you...America...I did once ban her from saying 'In America' but its crept in again and B...Dog who she dogsits once a week. I dont even know her friend whose daughter owns B-dog so why would I want to see masses of his pictures and hear all about his toys. She will talk for ages about someone and I have to ask her..who is this person and do I know them

She spends so much time wittling on about others that she seems to of missed out on our lives. If I ever have any problems I no longer confide in her due to her loopy negativity and her inability to not bring things up forever.I never ever tell her anything medical.

When I was at primary school, my mum told me that if anyone called me a pig, I should just say "oink"!

I wasn't being bullied or teased, nor was I worried about it. It was such specific advice too. I was more concerned that my mum thought people were likely to call me a pig!

Oldraver are you me?

My dm is just the same. Now she has reached that point in life where she goes to a fair number of funerals. Her social life revolves around a club for senior citizens. I have never met these people but I know all about their ailments, who has fallen out with who, cancer diagnosis, the works.

If I ever tell her about anything going on in my life, you can bet that so and so at the club had got a dd with exactly the same issue. So I don't tell her anything. I keep it all light and superficial like I would do with a Great Aunt.

...and everghing can be solved by gargling with salt water.

OMG my DC will be on here writing about me soon - they already tease me about my "cure all" solution which is tea tree oil (obviously) I am right though

It's not advice - and my mum has since passed away. But when leaving the hospital last March with my brand new baby I phoned her to ask if she wanted us to drop in so she could meet her one and only new grandson. She said "is it ok if we leave it till tomorrow!" Lol. She phoned straight back and said she had just woken up from a nap and wasn't thinking straight but I was livid! Can laugh about it now mind you lol x

On announcing I was pregnant with DC3 my mother (who had 4) went into a major rant about how hard it is with three, how dc3 turned her life upside down, wish she had never bothered, if only she knew then what she knows now...

Guess which DC of hers I am! Cheers Mom!

Oldraver - I have a very similar relationship with my mother. There's just no point in trying for any deeper connection, she's not that interested in me (unless it's for gossip she can share with others) so I just let her prattle on about herself and keep myself to myself.

Breastfeeding mothers shouldn't eat beetroot because it makes babies have red poos. Erm, ok mum.

'Don't touch it with water - it'll spread'. If I had my leg amputated, it will be 'don't touch it with water, it'll spread.

Any moan about dh and his lack of cooking skills is 'well, he works hard all week, you can't expect him to do the housework too'.....dh works for the same firm as I do and I am technically in a more senior position and work longer hours. Nontheless, dh is the breadwinner. I'm just doing it for pin money.

I'd just split up with my abusive ex - 'oh that's a shame. I've already bought his Christmas presents'.

She is genuinely lovely, just doesn't think things through.

The nadir of my mum's advice was when talking about someone close to us who was in a very physically and mentally abusive relationship.....
'yes but it's better to have someone rather than be on your own'

Fortunately I have never listened to my mum's advice

Oldraver my relationship with my mum has become a lot like this too. She actually ignores me if I ever try to strike up a conversation about anything that isn't gossip/the latest John Lewis range. My DP is astonished by it as his family actually have conversations!

She will ask how DS is and if I mention he's not sleeping well/is ill/etc she'll just huff and say I should stop moaning about it.

When we were last at her house she refused to let us bring a stairgate for their stairs that are directly off the living room with no door. Apparently DS would learn to stay away from them that day - he's 18months. Fine, I just kept directing him away from them, but one time he ran for them when I was on the other side of the room, I followed him to check he would be safe but I got pushed out the way and told off by her for "fussing" over him. 5 seconds later he very nearly did fall down them headfirst and she then shouted at me for not stopping him.

I am honestly starting to prefer my MIL. Sorry not that lighthearted

My mum has always been utterly shit at sympathy and advice. I'm sure this is partly why we aren't close that, and the fact that she is a selfish self obsessed old bag.
A typical example- I have a recurring back problem that flares up 2-3 times a year, mentioned it to her the other week and her response: " oh my backs been terrible"!!!
I'm adopted and my mum has never given birth or gone through labour ( not her fault) but didn't stop her telling me she wouldn't have had pain killers in case they hurt the baby and thought I was making a fuss when I was telling her about my labour after Ds was born!!! Fortunately we lived abroad at the time or I'd have clobbered her!!

Oh and the absolute classic: picture the scene:
My Dd aged 10 in ICU on ventilator, desperately ill, my sister trying to organise a flight over to help and support us but unable to as she was deemed too pregnant to fly, and then I phone my mum in tears to update her in dd's ( very slight) improvement and hope for some understanding and sympathy about my sister not being able to come etc, and her comment to me: " you really must pull yourself together, it's far worse for me thousands of miles away, you have no idea how upsetting it is for me to have to listen to you crying"!!!!!

Sorry not very lighthearted! I long for a mum who doles out sympathetic advice and understanding! On the upside I am very sympathetic and try to offer well meant advice to my now grown up Dd and not be like my mum !!!