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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is disgusting and should not be allowed

65 replies

Ohthebuildersarehere · 04/02/2016 18:40

Man has given his sperm to 800 women, they pay him £50 which means his kids could meet each other when they're older.

AIBU to think this should lead to prove section?

OP posts:
SeaMagic · 05/02/2016 07:18

sorry, can only donate up to ten families

SeaMagic · 05/02/2016 07:22

It is very irresponsible of this donor in my opinion to be donating in this way. And irresponsible of the women using his 'services' to conceive a child.

He has not been screened for genetic or communicable diseases or abnormalities.

Also the risk of half siblings meeting accidently and forming sexual/romantic relationships. No official register for them to check and make contact with each other if required.

willowsummers · 05/02/2016 07:24

It is however so strongly inadvised (and bear in mind counselling prior to undertaking sperm or egg donation) - the chances of it actually happening are minimal.

If people are genuinely concerned about probable incest, please don't start with donor conceived children. That isn't where incest lies. Incest - generally accidental - despite what the stories may tell you, happens closer to home than children safely conceived within a clinic.

It occurs where men, generally, indulge in unprotected sex with multiple partners within a relatively small geographical field. The chances of these children meeting is high, the chances of this pattern being repeated through the generations higher still.

It mystifies me why this doesn't concern anybody, but donor conceived children, for whom sperm and egg donors are subjected to stringent testing and highly regulated, are.

I wonder if it is because for the middle class parent, they know there is more chance of their child encountering the donor conceived child in the future than the children of Steve from the pub who has seven children by different mothers and is only 22?

Or perhaps it is because the mother in the clinic is perceived to be making an active choice, while Steve is little more than an animal really and cannot be judged for his natural urges?

Either way, the refusal to criticise the numerous less than ideal situations children are born into every year while donor conceived children are subjected to much self-righteous head shaking fascinates me.

sandgrown · 05/02/2016 07:28

There was a doctor abroad who did something similar and was imprisoned. Through work I once met a man who offered a similar "service" to ladies on a local estate. ( not on such a large scale)I did worry that at some point his children might unwittingly get together and we could see the return of the "village idiot".

SeaMagic · 05/02/2016 07:33

But Willow in essence what this man is doing is the same, or worse, that your example of Steve down the pub.

He has given his sperm to 800 women with the express intention of getting them pregnant and god knows how many children have been conceived by him.

Not at all the same as parents who use a licensed clinic to conceive and their children will potentially have only up to twenty or thirty half siblings [in the UK], probably less in reality as I don't think there is a licensed sperm donor who has reached the ten family limit.

So no self-righteous head shaking from me, if indeed your post was aimed at me that is.

cdtaylornats · 05/02/2016 07:56

In Iceland because of the limited size of the population they have an app to tell you if you are related.

www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/17/iceland-incest-app_n_3102152.html

willowsummers · 05/02/2016 07:57

It wasn't aimed at you, Sea, don't worry. There have been some posts on here - and in my experience there always are - expressing disquiet with sperm donation through clinics as well as through methods such as this, which I agree is wrong.

The arguments are always - it is terrible for the child never to know their father, what if they meet siblings, if someone can't afford thousands of pounds to conceive in the first place it should never cross their mind, and so on and so forth.

confusedandemployed · 05/02/2016 08:11

Weird. The HFEA states that a max of 10 families should receive sperm from the same man.

firesidechat · 05/02/2016 08:19

I can't believe all the "good for him" comments on the first page. Don't people think at all.

There are no end of issues with this apart from the obvious one of meeting and having sex with a half sibling. What about health screening for diseases for instance?

I'm sure this has already been pointed out.

firesidechat · 05/02/2016 08:21

I should probably add that I personally have no problem with sperm donors if you are using a clinic with all the right checks in place. I'm not making a moral judgement.

willowsummers · 05/02/2016 08:46

Confused, but he's not going through the HFEA; he is presumably 'advertising' his services elsewhere.

MardyGrave · 05/02/2016 08:55

He's surely just drawing attention to himself of hmrc.

firesidechat · 05/02/2016 08:57

I think confused was trying to say that the HFEA has a reason for setting a limit and that this man, and the women too, are being highly irresponsible. A limit is necessary and sensible.

I'm amazed that this isn't illegal.

MidniteScribbler · 05/02/2016 09:10

I should have added to my post that I am not in the UK, that donor ID release is law where I am for any child conceived via clinic, and that the clinic I use has a 5 family maximum as their policy. There have been five children born to 4 different families, and no sperm left from this donor.

SeaMagic · 05/02/2016 09:39

Thanks Midnite, I understand now.

Is there a country wide legislation as to how many families can be created with one man's donor sperm? Is it 5 families overall or is this just the particular policy of the clinic you used?

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