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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To absolutely, categorically NOT want to go on this honeymoon

79 replies

Greatsowhatnow · 04/02/2016 06:53

Bloody sodding zika virus Angry

The websites are contradicting themselves! In one paragraph it says that once the virus is out of your blood/system, you're fine to TTC. In the next it says for people TTC to avoid the areas affected. They're also telling people in Brazil to put off pregnancy for another two years: why, if it's not an issue after two or so weeks?!

We're due to be going on honeymoon to a very much affected area, called our travel agent who said if we swap destinations within the next 3 days, we only have to pay a small transfer fee and will be refunded any money, if our initial holiday costs more than the one we choose to swap to.

I'm a natural worrier anyway so not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion and falling for the 'hype'. My partner absolutely doesn't want to cancel or swap, says that:

It might hit Europe anyway eventually, so we'd be cancelling for no reason.

We've paid extra to book our seats, if we choose another destination, the flights would have already been opened and we may not be sat together. For both of us it will be our first long haul flight.

If we're to believe the fact that once it's out of your system, you're all good to go: we'd be cancelling for nothing. I reckon the bloody thing will cause long term effects

It took us weeks to choose somewhere: there's a lot of places we can't go (same sex couple). So Morocco, for example would be out.

Flying in April: a lot could happen between now and then (good or bad). Planning on TTC when we get back. But if we wait until then, and cancelled, we would lose thousands a lot of money.

I know nobody can say what the right thing to do because nobody really knows if hing has mutated, or if there are long term effects because it's still pretty new. But WWYD? The two of us are in totally different mindsets, with neither wanting to budge.

OP posts:
cleaty · 04/02/2016 11:36

Morocco has a long history of being welcoming to male gay men. Lesbians are treated differently.

MrsEricBana · 04/02/2016 11:37

I'd just change location so you can relax about it. (I have withdrawn my dd from a school trip to a place with a current and ongoing security issue, not Zika obviously. It'll probably be all fine for the trip BUT it might not be and I feel MUCH better having pulled her out of it in this instance)

specialsubject · 04/02/2016 13:05

the aedes mosquito needs tropical climates and gets killed off by colder weather. This is why Europe is not an endemic dengue zone and will not be an endemic zika zone. It seems that zika can be transmitted sexually (unlike dengue), so condoms are a good idea when shagging anyone who might be in the incubation period.

all tropical places are endemic for dengue which can also kill. No-one seems that bothered when booking their warm holidays.

go. Use DEET. Cover up. Don't get pregnant while there or until you are out of the incubation period.

Cornettoninja · 04/02/2016 14:31

Personally I would want to change the destination too.

It's all a massive unknown and although I appreciate shit can happen at any time in any place, I see no sense in running towards trouble if I don't have to.

SatsukiKusakabe · 04/02/2016 14:44

dont get pregnant while there

Yes, and to ensure this, don't have sex on your honeymoon!

Lweji · 04/02/2016 14:55

Yes, and to ensure this, don't have sex on your honeymoon!

I don't think that getting accidentally pregnant during the honeymoon will be a particular problem for the OP, for some reason. Wink

Blu · 04/02/2016 14:55

Satsuk: you clearly have not RTFT.

specialsubject · 04/02/2016 15:22

oops, didn't spot that the OP is not going to get pregnant while there... sorry!

rest of advice stands.

SatsukiKusakabe · 04/02/2016 15:49

blu I have! Thanks. Was on the first page. I was just making a sideways joke at specialsubject's generic advice. I'll get my coat.

Lweji · 04/02/2016 15:55

Special's advice could still stand.

For all we know the OP could be going through IVF while in her honeymoon.
So, advising not to get pregnant is still adequate.

It was just the "don't have sex to avoid pregnancy" that didn't make sense in this case.

SatsukiKusakabe · 04/02/2016 16:08

specialsubject acknowledged that she hadn't spotted it.

The OP aside, it was the idea that anyone would really want to have the added worry about getting pregnant on their honeymoon, when you just want to relax and do whatever, and contraceptive failure usually comes way down the list of concerns at such a time, just for the sake of switching the destination .

I'd much rather change it than having it hanging over you, and, as you say, the OP is ttc (I saw it in the OP!) when they get back, so it would just be less of a headache all round to switch it, than to go and worry about precautions.

ChickyChickyParmParm · 04/02/2016 16:15

I live in one of the affected countries and it's scary how little is known about the virus. Luckily I'm not TTC but I have friends here who are pregnant and went to the most affected zones in the country over the holidays before zika hit the news and are now worried.

We've also travelled to affected zones so there's a chance we've already had the virus. I don't think it would affect my choice to travel again but you should do what you feel you should to stay safe.

Junosmum · 04/02/2016 17:33

As others have said, change destination. You won't enjoy it if you are worrying which is a waste of money in itself.

Depending on what kind of holidays you like how about for beaches/ snorkelling/ scuba going to Thailand, 2 parter, some time in Krabi (beautiful beaches) and 4/5 days in Chaing Mai - culture, museums, temples and an awesome elephant sanctuary.

Sri Lanka, Cambodia, Vietnam, all beautiful white sand beaches, lush green mountains and jungles and same -sex couple friendly.

Alternatively you could go to Aus or New Zealand. Or for something really different, Iceland or a cruise.

North America is a good option - Could have a few days in New York before going to California, horse riding through vineyards, beaches, culture.

There are so many wonderful places to go that it isn't worth the risk or the worry!

Congratulations on getting Married.

specialsubject · 04/02/2016 18:43

lovely tropical paradises are full of lovely tropical diseases. It's the deal.

Blu · 04/02/2016 22:23

Satsuk: No, no, I'll get MY coat.... Grin

CeeceeBloomingdale · 05/02/2016 08:00

Someone upthread suggested Cape Verde. It also has zika. I'd keep away from African areas as they have been affected previously.

Lweji · 05/02/2016 08:08

Madeira.
No vector borne diseases at this time.

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 05/02/2016 10:10

You can get Dengue fever in Madeira - which is carried by the same type of mosquito as zika (meaning it is a potential future risky area for zika) and Dengue is a lot more likely to kill you or make you very ill, and can come back once you think its out of your blood stream...

I had Dengue fever when I was 19 - it has a lot in common with malaria except that you cannot take any medication in advance to prevent it, it is very unpleasant indeed.

Lweji · 05/02/2016 10:10

Not anymore.

Lweji · 05/02/2016 10:12

There was an outbreak in 2012, but no more cases since then.

It is an area at possible risk, but not likely to actually get it in the near future.

Quodlibet · 05/02/2016 10:21

But there's a massive difference between visiting an affected area for a short period of time, on holiday, when you aren't pregnant or actively TTC, and actually living in an affected area where you have no choice about conceiving your children and when the risks are therefore greater!

OP, as a same sex couple you aren't going to be accidentally conceiving on holiday, so the worst case risk is really a mild fever etc for a few days. I don't personally find that risk any more worrying than any of the other many many tropical diseases you can pick up in many parts of the world - malaria, dengue fever, human botfly etc etc.

Yes, while the potential effects of Zika on unborn foetuses are really distressing, the risk to the general population otherwise is not very significant.

specialsubject · 05/02/2016 11:04

BTW if you get dengue twice it is much more serious than the first attack. So if you get it once, you need to think very hard about returning to risk areas - and that covers a lot of the world.

be grateful for where you live. And here's hoping a vaccine is found soon.

Lweji · 05/02/2016 11:08

If you get Dengue, you should be protected against the same Dengue serotype. You should be careful about returning or going to areas with a different serotype than the one you caught initially. Returning to an area with only the same serotype is fine.

There is a vaccine now, but it seems only licensed in Mexico so far. www.who.int/immunization/research/development/dengue_q_and_a/en/

mouldycheesefan · 05/02/2016 11:12

Could you go together to a travel clinic and get some advice? That may enable you to make an informed decision together. If ultimately you can't agree, well marriage does involve compromise so you are going to have to find a solution to this together. This will not be the biggest challenge/issue/compromise situation you ever face in marriage.
Good luck to you and enjoy your honeymoon wherever it is.

JustDanceAddict · 05/02/2016 11:32

I would swap too, even without the TTC risks, you wouldn't want to be ill yourselves on holiday. I doubt the mosquito will come to northern Europe - too cold. As others have said, Dengue fever isn't here.