To be disappointed about baby's sex?

[hawaiibaby]

I am probably going to get flamed, but maybe it's what I need.

Am pregnant and found out today by accident that we are having a boy, we already have one DS.

I feel horrible and guilty to feel disappointed as I love the wriggly little baby inside me and of course the fact that it's a boy doesn't change that. I hadn't even realised how much I wanted a girl until today. I know we are so lucky to be able to have a second child and after fertility treatment and a loss, this pregnancy feels like a true miracle and if I was reading this as someone struggling, I would want to punch me very hard in the face. But yet, it is how I feel and I don't know if it's natural and something others have experienced or if I'm a monster bitch of the first variety.

I guess the way I found out wasn't very magical either, compared to if we found out at the birth like with DS or at a scan together it could have been totally different.

I know two brothers will be completely wonderful and on one hand I find myself welling up thinking about how lovely it will be in our noisy fun house full of boys; boys totally rock and I couldn't adore DS any more. I guess as this is our last, I am trying to come to terms with never having a daughter which is something I always imagined since I was young myself. I also had an awesome name in mind which we won't get to use now but we are both stuck for boys!

And as an aside, I told DH I know, he's not sure he wants to though - surely I can't keep this to myself now - can I?!

[Message from MNHQ - we've edited out a few details at the OP's request to make this thread less identifying].

Agree about girls seeming to be the 'preferred' choice if people express an opinion. I don't know if it is as a woman, I imagined creating another female... I really don't know. Or if it's the bullshit stuff that ironically gets me quite angry like: 'A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter for the rest of your life.' My DM actually said this to me the other week and really pissed me off; I don't believe it either - my DH is really close to his Mum but his sister isn't at all - I think it obviously just depends on their natures and relationships.

Another part of me feels like everyone thinks 'one of each' is the best outcome - I really honestly don't think this way despite my yearning for a daughter - but stupidly imagine needing to justify that we are happy with our two boys. Which of course we will be, it is just the shift to how I saw our future as a pp so eloquently put it.

Gosh, this is a nice thread. I was savaged when I posted something similar four years ago, literally after I had come home from the 18 week scan, as DH and I were commuting internationally at the time, and I was alone, and desperately upset.

I know! I am glad I posted, I think I needed to validate what I was feeling as it wasn't going to go away by bottling it up. Sorry you had a tough reception and thanks for sharing your story.

Can't find the pp who mentioned DH but yes think I probably will have to tell him, unless he is totally adamant but don't think he will be. Ultimately, we're in it together, and his wish to not know doesn't trump my need to discuss it - if he had been the one to open the email he would have seen and I wouldn't have wanted him to carry such a responsibility just so I could have 'the moment' of finding out at birth.

I knew before reading the OP that it was disappointment aimed at having a boy. It's almost always boys, so predictable.

I was reading an article about sex selection and apparently 80% of patients undergoing gender selection are wanting a girl.

I don't think you are terrible op. I may never have a child, but I don't think you are awful for having emotions that you cannot control.
You will love your little boy when he is here xx

I have two DS, older now. I had wanted a DD too, but experience has shown me how wonderful two of the same can be. For them, the very best outcome has been a sibling of the same gender. Of that I have no doubt.
I believe that hand on heart, most (not all) women prefer girls, and most (not all) men prefer boys. In fact, there is a wealth of research to show that men are far more likely to leave the family unit if his offspring are solely female.

Hawaii don't believe any of that 'a daughter for life' stuff.

Dh is very close to his mum and dad, also my neighbours son visits her every Sunday without fail with his two dds, neighbour only ever had one son but now has two granddaughters.

I've also noticed that people seem to really want girls. It's great that girls are being valued but boys are so underrated.

Everyone assumed I'd want one of each but I adore having two boys, two brothers, it's fantastic.

I started a thread last week after finding out my third and final DC was going to be DS3. I was upset, probably more so because I'd been told at an earlier scan that it was looking likely to be a girl, but lots of lovely posters told me about their experience with their 3 boys and it really helped me get excited about the baby.

I absolutely know that my upset wasn't about this baby being a boy - I adore my other boys and wouldn't swop them. It was more about the realisation that I would never have a daughter and I always had assumed I would. I'm very close to my mum and always imagined having that kind of relationship with my own daughter. The reality is that, even if I'd had a DD, she might have been the polar opposite to me and not that close! Instead I get to chart my own path in my relationships with my sons.

Don't feel guilty for being disappointed, it is natural. The main thing is that you know how lucky you are to be having a lovely heathy baby, and clearly you do.

Good luck and enjoy your son - my current two boys are really close and their relationship is lovey to watch so hopefully you'll have that to look forward to!

There was a study somewhere about women who have lots of boys having higher testosterone levels and being more suited to bringing up boys.

I expect it's a load of rubbish but I quite like the idea of it.

JustAWeeProblem - One of my Friends has named her DD and Ds her name to carry it on which is lovely too.

It sounds like you have a lovely DP my Ex would have never allowed me to have my name for DD even though she's probably going to replace it anyway if she gets married. Though she was named it at birth and he was not happy in the slightest and complained but it's because babies have to have the mother's name if not married but when registering her it got promptly changed!

I think my partner is rarer than mine even so I think it will be his that gets carried on I will be sad but I'd prefer to save the rarest one and I know it would mean as much if not more to him.

I really wanted a boy when I was pregnant with DD. I was shocked by my own slight disappointment when the sonographer told us she was a girl. Of course, when she was born, she was the most amazing little human ever, and I know that I'll feel the same about the next baby (if we are so lucky in the future), regardless of sex even though now I want another amazing little girl

flowers I have four girls (and a boy) and I can assure you gender disappointment is not exclusive to boys. I got endless condolences on dd4 with lots of people assuming that I was trying for another boy. Some people very kindly gave advice on how to "get" a boy when they visited me in hospital.

When I found out my dc3 was a third ds I will admit to being disappointed. It was not the thought of having 3 boys but more the thought that it would be our last child and I would not have a dd. I did fall pregnant with unplanned dc4 who was a girl ( I didn't find out the sex with her though !).