Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Re soft play...

80 replies

FrasierCranium · 02/02/2016 15:53

Do most parents find they come out of the soft play with sky high blood pressure?? Or is it just me??

My daughter has not long turned 1 and she's a teeny wee thing. I find it difficult to think of stuff to do with her when the weather is bad. She's at a stage where she's too young for loads of stuff but gets quite fed up with a day in the house.

There is a soft play centre not far from here. It's big, and it has a lovely little cordoned off area for babies and toddlers under 2. DD loves it and as she's just learning to stand/walk unsupported it's great for her to practice.

However, I am absolutely sick to the back bloody teeth of parents allowing older children into this area. There are signs everywhere saying that kids over two (including older brothers and sisters) should not be in this area, but no one ever says or does anything. There are two huge areas for kids from 2-4, as well as another massive area for everyone else so it's not like there is nowhere else for them to go.

Today we were in there with one other mum and baby. Then a group of girls (I'd say they were about 4, I would guess starting school in August) ran riot through the baby area. They jumped around, stood on all the stuff, throwing the big bits of soft play "furniture" around, they chucked the balls out of the ball pit etc. No idea who they were with, didn't seem to be a parent in charge anyway. I took DD out for some water as I didn't feel she was safe in there with them. I took her back in when they had gone but they just kept coming back in. They were climbing the netting to get in.

This seems to happen every time we're there and it is so bloody frustrating. I can live with the odd older sibling who comes in with a younger one and is strictly supervised by a parent. Nothing is ever enforced. Aside from the safety aspect, they're ruining all the stuff. I have also experienced older kids trying to lift my DD up out of the ball pool to play with her, which I don't like.

Would I be unreasonable and pfb to complain to the centre? I'm not a complainer, and I hate confrontation, but this winds me up no end. However, I know I get anxious about DD being safe so if I am being pfb then I can accept that and try to let it wash over me.

OP posts:
silverduck · 02/02/2016 17:13

You've got to follow the techniques on here:

  • go for opening time, leave by lunch time
  • ask them how old they are
  • Protect your dc by being a shield......

But really, there are loads of things to do with little dc indoors, do other things instead! Local libraries and museums are likely to have activities, there's the stuff at the sure start centres, swimming, sports centres and gym centres even private gyms will have stuff for littleies, check out programmes of community centres for cheap classes and there are zillions of toddler groups. I really would give soft play a miss until they are 3 or 4.

amarmai · 02/02/2016 17:18

like the $$ back if the staff does nothing idea. Agree dangerous behaviour when parents do the 3 little monkeys- until you dare to stop their kid hurting yours of course. My dgs had his bday at soft play and we wont be doing that again as parents did the 3LMs while 6 year olds -3 of them- climbed on the roof of a little plastic log cabin while a baby was in it and it nearly collapsed. Only one example of dangerous behaviour being ignored .

NanaNina · 02/02/2016 17:32

Oh god this always happens. When I used to take n DGD in when she was about 1, and I had no hesitation in telling the older kids they weren't allowed in there so could they go and play with the older children - I would glare a them till they went. Quite often other parents with under 2's would say thank you for telling them, but why didn't they I wonder. On one occasion there was a big boy about 6 chucking balls anywhere and everywhere and I asked him to stop as they might hit the babies. He carried on so I asked him where his mother was and he just looked sulky but he cleared off.

I don't understand why parents GPs don't tell these kids when their own children are likely to be hurt.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/02/2016 18:03

OP mine used to like going to the pet shop for a look at the fish at that age - we got away with it being "the aquarium" for years and saved ourselves a fortune on entry fees to the real aquarium.

ProudAS · 02/02/2016 18:10

Your situation is different Fanjo - safety first but if a disabled child isn't able to playing their chronological age specific and isn't going to endanger younger ones by playing (supervised) in their area it should be a no brainer!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 02/02/2016 18:15

No prizes for guessing where she gets her diabolical behaviour from, Captain. It's sad really and she's more to be pitied with her as a role model.
I mean 4 and 5 year olds getting boisterous is one thing but a 12 year old terrorising other kids is entirely another

theycallmemellojello · 02/02/2016 19:24

I wouldn't tell off someone else's child myself. Very rude. But yes, get management involved.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 02/02/2016 19:42

Last time I was at our local soft play I spent more than half the time ferrying my 5 year old out of the area for

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/02/2016 19:54

I wouldn't tell off someone else's child myself. Very rude.

How so?

It's more rude for people to allow their children to misbehave and not supervise them.

I don't have nay issue with telling children off. The lack of people doing that is really what's wrong with society today imo.

Children have to learn to fit in with society, if their parents don't teach them then the rest of society should.

It never did anyone any harm when I was growing up, people have become far too afraid speaking up now and pandering to ill mannered children, their own or others.

NeedACleverNN · 02/02/2016 19:54

I have kicked older kids out of the area for 2-4 year olds before as they were running about like kids do, and almost knocked my dd flying.

The staff had kicked them out once and after 5 mins most returned despite a huge area for them. I simply told them that this area is for little children and they need to go and play on the big kids section. They left without a grumble. My oh on the the other hand told me that I shouldn't have intervened as they are still only kids themselves. However I have a duty of care to my daughter and if I have to kick out 7 year olds to protect my 1 year old, I will

NeverNic · 02/02/2016 20:11

I hate soft play. My son is 3.5 and like a pp cannot manage an older child's area. He is short for his age and gets frightened easily so cannot make some of the climbs and gets stuck and upset. I have a 1yo too, so obviously cannot leave him unsupervised to rescue the eldest. In this situation I think I would have to have him in the baby area with me, so I think enforced ages are unfair and reporting children who are older but generally behaving is unreasonable as you don't know if / why this area is more suitable

I do think you are being a tiny bit unreasonable. Soft play isn't the place for quiet, gentle exercise and I think you do need to grow a thicker skin and let them get on with it. However it's your responsibility to make sure your child is safe,not another parents responsibility to make sure their children are playing safely, so if you need to report aggressive play by children older than 2 then do it. Or block your child / move them out of the way. Age doesn't mean that they will play softly though. My eldest was a beast at 18mths and there was no way I would take him to soft play back then as he wasnt to be trusted with children his own age! ( Completely different now). I would look for a different soft play or just skip it until your lo is more stable and able to hold their own more. (It'll be better for your ear drums and blood vpressure!!)

StormyBlue · 02/02/2016 20:46

I can understand strict rules on keeping over 2s out of the baby area (and like others, wish they were always enforced!), because if a school aged child stumbled and fell onto a crawling baby then it could get seriously hurt. That must be frustrating though, Fanjo.

I can also understand why some parents don't say anything. In some soft play centres (it seems to depend on the area) I have seen parents fly completely off the handle when their child is confronted (even when done nicely) and for me not saying anything would be because I can't be bothered with a potential row and I don't want a gobby parent making my son feel frightened.

CaptainCrunch · 02/02/2016 20:47

It's not "rude" to admonish other people's children if they're destroying everyone else's enjoyment, what a ridiculous attitude.

OneMagnumisneverenough · 02/02/2016 20:50

,not another parents responsibility to make sure their children are playing safely

Really!!

Original poster
FrasierCranium · 02/02/2016 21:30

Thanks all. Some interesting points of view here!

I don't really have an issue if the child is behaving. I'm not keen on it, but it doesn't bother me so much. Sadly it seems the children who misbehave are often the ones with the gobby, shouty parents...but I need to stop being backwards in coming forwards clearly.

NeverNic I must say I disagree with your post entirely. It is absolutely your responsibility to make sure your child is playing safely!! Mind boggling that you could think otherwise Confused

OP posts:
ILoveTFIFriday · 02/02/2016 21:45

Most 3 and 4 year olds don't like being called a baby. We used to say loudly 'oooh look there's another baby to play with and point at the offending child'. They'd usually retort that they weren't a baby and then we would reply 'oh sorry, I thought you were because you're playing in the baby section'. That usually helped get rid of them. I didn't mind ones that were playing nicely but the ones that were playing rough used to really get my goat!

ILoveTFIFriday · 02/02/2016 21:45

Most 3 and 4 year olds don't like being called a baby. We used to say loudly 'oooh look there's another baby to play with and point at the offending child'. They'd usually retort that they weren't a baby and then we would reply 'oh sorry, I thought you were because you're playing in the baby section'. That usually helped get rid of them. I didn't mind ones that were playing nicely but the ones that were playing rough used to really get my goat!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 02/02/2016 22:01

Go to a toddler group instead

BibaDiba · 02/02/2016 22:03

I used to be very precious about this until I had my second kid. Now I'm just like "whatever, is everyone still alive? Great. Crack on." Kids aren't doing it to piss you off. They seem to have goldfish memories and get carried away with soft play shenanigans. You could tell them a thousand times not to go in certain areas but they will because it's fun.
I understand being protective of your baby but unless there is imminent risk of death or permanent maiming I'd try to go with the flow a bit. My 7 month old actually loves a bit of (supervised) rough and tumble with her 3 year old brother and I've chilled out a bit.

Original poster
FrasierCranium · 02/02/2016 22:09

shamefulplacemarker there aren't any around here on a Tuesday.

OP posts:
Lovelydiscusfish · 02/02/2016 22:15

Not sure how helpful this is, but personally I'd sack the whole thing off, buy your kid a snowsuit/puddle suit/whatever, and get down to your nearest playground. Free, less densely populated (generally) and fresh air is always heartening. It also wears them out more, so they sleep better!
We go to playgrounds a lot, and I'm always amazed how empty they are, while the local (over priced) soft play is packed to the rafters. A lot of variety in playgrounds too - some have zip-wires, some have trampolines, etc etc etc.
Not being snobby about soft play, by the way - I do see its appeal, but having wasted £££ in them, I'm a convert to the open-air, free version!

ShamefulPlaceMarker · 02/02/2016 22:19

Go to the park then, or for a walk, or to a cafe, or the library, or swimming.
There are many things to do that don't involve a soft play.

Lurkedforever1 · 02/02/2016 22:21

Parallel universe on here. In the real world, I always found most people wildly out when guessing my very tall childs age, but on this thread we have loads of people so confident in their ability to know a childs age they see fit to question the kid on their right to be somewhere. Possibly we've met if you were at soft play years ago, I'd have be the very tall mum approaching you to ask why you'd told my just turned 3yr old they weren't allowed in the under 5's bit with your pfb almost 5yr old.

Although I do think in an under 2 area the parent/ carer should be supervising their child regardless.

charliebambi · 02/02/2016 22:29

Some parents who take their kids to soft play are complete shit heads.
I had an issue before Christmas where a violent boy about 9 years old first of all attacked my ten year old sister then proceeded to attack my five year old nephew who was very shook up. The large amount of kids with us managed to find the boy and point him out to staff who asked his accompanying adult to take him home.
The staff said the woman didn't appear to care what he'd done and when they walked past the kid was laughing at us. So I walked after the woman and said 'excuse me he's just been hitting a girl, and a little boy half his age'
Her response - 'well he's not my son what can I do??'
I said well who's kid is he then?
She said 'my sons'
I got rather mad and said 'so he's your bloody grandson and in your care so it's YOUR responsibility to discipline him!'
Her response 'oh fuck off'
Angry doesn't even come into it, I was livid and God knows how I'd have reacted if he'd attacked my DD who is extremely sensitive and would have been terrified. The child was still laughing at me through the window from outside.
Disgusting behaviour.
I also remember an older boy dragging my DD out of a little tykes car at soft play when she was around 2.5 - unfortunately for him my little brothers were with us and didn't take kindly to him bullying their niece. The mother was watching him drag my DD about sat right next to the enclosure with the cars in, I ran over and she just looked away pretending not to notice. But she also ignored her son when he told her that my brothers had dragged him out of the car so I suppose I shouldn't be surprised Shock

elfycat · 02/02/2016 23:05

Lurked

Yup... I have tall DDs and I've had complaints that my 6 year old isn't sharing in a soft play area with their 5 yo.

Me: DD1 Why aren't you playing nicely?
Other Mum: No, not your 8 year old. The 6 yo.
Me: DD2 This is my just 4 yo. DD2 if you don't play nicely we will go home.
Other Mum: mumbles to her 5yo about playing nicely with younger kids (in the under 5s area...)

And we do go home if she behaves badly. There was a brief phase when we left areas about 4 times in 2 months. This included a 1.5hr drive to an aquarium. We ate and they went into the soft play. DD2 misbehaved and we left; driving 1.5 hours home without seeing a fish. DD1 was gutted and whiny, until she found out DD2 was being a bit of a bully when she fully supported us making a point.

It stopped after that.

The last time we were in soft play she was punched in the cheek by a child who had already given a friend's son a bloody nose. I asked the staff to intervene. We go all of the time because a) they love it; b) we go swimming and they go there between school and the lesson; c) we have membership as we go weekly at least due to swimming; d) it works as a homework bribe - if they do enough by Friday they can go a second time in the week; e) it really is exercise. They get hot/breathless/sweaty so it is a workout for them; f) it's a bit like socialising dogs really. In order to learn doggy kid interaction rules it's good to throw them in with their peers and manage their responses.