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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to use a 'naughty chair'?

79 replies

Iceyard · 01/02/2016 20:47

DS1 is about to turn 2 and I know he'll soon need a lot of reinforcing... Wondering if a 'naughty chair'/'reflection corner' is unreasonable? If so, what do you do? Thank you, E x

OP posts:
EnthusiasmDisturbed · 01/02/2016 23:10

I never used it with ds

and nurseries that used it (or the naughty mat) were no longer considered

positive reinforcement is far better children push boundaries its part of their development

there will be times you might need a little space explain that you need a minute of two to yourself and go and scream into a pillow

candykane25 · 01/02/2016 23:15

Yes it's the word naughty. I make it clear an action can be naughty, not the person, if I ever do use the word naughty.
I was told throughout my childhood by my much loved but impatient mother that I was a nuisance.
I was a normal kid but being told this and this being said in front of my family was stigmatising. I became the naughty child. I felt that I was born that way.
So that makes me more aware of how it can make a child feel and think.
My DD never tires of positive reinforcement.
Consequences (dangerous/breaking something) are talked about and we rectify things as a team, a joint effort.
If she's really kicking off I talk about how she is feeling. This can calm her down and lead to cuddles and a solution.
But all this might sound hunky dory but it's hard work and I get it wrong loads.

whatsoever · 01/02/2016 23:27

We tried the naughty step with DS but it did sod all tbh. He just tantrummed really hard & wouldn't stay put.

The only things that seem to work at the mo (he's 3 and a bit) are the threat of a favourite toy being removed and put on a high shelf for a few minutes or (as his normal naughtiest period is bedtime) the loss of one of his bedtime stories (he gets 3 as standard & enjoys them).

We tell him what we want him to stop/start doing (eg stop running around the house naked shouting high superhero he is and allow us to put his pyjamas on!), what the consequence will be & do a count of 5 for him to stop being naughty. He normally complies around the 3 mark Grin

Not a lot worked before about 2.5 though.

DisappointedOne · 01/02/2016 23:31

DD (5) prefers to sleep naked. Much less stressful to go with it than to label her naughty and threaten her.

(I wouldn't much like being told I had to wear my bra all evening if it was uncomfortable or made me too hot - same thing to me.)

whatsoever · 01/02/2016 23:37

DisappointedOne - I assume that's at me?

A) he needs a pull-up to sleep in as he isn't dry at night so can't sleep naked; and
B) he doesn't want to sleep naked, he gets cold. He just gets OTT after his bath and doesn't know when to stop/calm down.

intothebreach · 01/02/2016 23:39

Disappointed, this is a great example of a battle simply not worth having Smile

intothebreach · 01/02/2016 23:44

(Oh dear, whatsoever, didn't mean to aim anything at you Sad but still think decent pyjamas are not the be all and end all of "proper" parenting. ..)

DisappointedOne · 01/02/2016 23:51

He just gets OTT after his bath and doesn't know when to stop/calm down.

Baths send DD loopy too. Guess what, we don't give her a bath or shower in the evening. Why set them up to fail?!

whatsoever · 01/02/2016 23:56

i nearly typed out a response but then I sighed and gave up. It's clear my parenting couldn't come up to your standard so there's no point. Sad

DisappointedOne · 02/02/2016 00:00

Nothing to do with standards. I do wonder why you seem to be making life harder for yourself than it needs to be!

intothebreach · 02/02/2016 00:02

It's such standard parenting advice though, isn't it? If our kids don't happen to respond to the accepted routines, we feel that we have somehow failed as mothers Sad

I do think we should be challenging the regular advice we are given, if it doesn't fit our family circumstances.

This is practical feminism! Forget equal pay and decent jobs... This is about our right (as mothers) to put the needs of our children first!

Oh.. I am on a right old rant... Must lay off the wine and go to bed! Blush

DisappointedOne · 02/02/2016 00:04

I agree breach.

ouryve · 02/02/2016 00:08

Try to get hold of a hooded cotton bathrobe for a kids who goes loopy when getting out of the bath - being naked and cold is rather over-stimulating. The bathrobe can be used as a towel and will make them feel more secure.

We only ever used any sort of time out as a calm down tool for DS1 (who turned out to have ADHD). Never as a punishment. it was usually more effective to put whatever he was mis-using into time out, eg a toy hammer that he cracked the TV screen with.

DisappointedOne · 02/02/2016 00:14

Nothing works with DD. She's a night owl so doesn't switch off until she's ready to. A bath within 2 or 3 hours of bedtime will stimulate her for hours, bathrobe or no bathrobe!

whatsoever · 02/02/2016 00:16

ouryve the hooded towel/robe is what he uses to be the superhero! It's the ideal prop when you think about it Grin

Honestly please pretend I never spoke, I didn't mean to derail OP's thread and this was never a massive deal, it's a minor family irritation, I think we'll all survive.

Pipsqueak23 · 02/02/2016 00:46

My ds is 2 and I have been doing time out (sitting him on the floor, no toys or things to distract him) and have been doing so since he was about 1 1/2.

My DS picked up quickly on Yeh first time I used it that he was not to move from the spot and then before he comes of time out I explain to him clearly why he is in its and he then apologises and gives me a hug and he is fine after that and doesn't normally do whatever it was that got him trouble again.

It is surprising how much they understand at this young age

DisappointedOne · 02/02/2016 00:57

What on earth can an 18 month old do that's 'naughty' enough to require punishment?! They don't know enough about the world to do something deliberately naughty. As the parent you're responsible for any mishaps they get themselves into.

(A friend's toddler did the "cover self and everything else in sudocreme" trick at around that age. It was everywhere. Did he know it was naughty or was he just exploring something that shouldn't have been left within his reach?)

DisappointedOne · 02/02/2016 00:59

Pipsqueak. At 2 my niece could answer, when asked "what's 20 plus 20" correctly (40). She had been trained to say 40 whenever a question was phrased in that way (clever party trick). She didn't actually understand what she was doing.......

I'll leave that with you. ;)

BillMurrey · 02/02/2016 01:20

I didn't like the idea of a 'naughty' step/chair.

But I did pinch the idea of Charlie and Lola's "Simmer Down" chairs.

dc were sat on them occasionally until they had cooled off and were happy to get on with life again.

Pipsqueak23 · 02/02/2016 01:35

An 18 month old can do many things that require 'punishment' such as hitting, snatching toys etc.

yes they may not be doing it to be deliberately naughty ( I never said my child was deliberately naughty) but he needs to know that it is not acceptable behaviour.

Time out does just this. I don't have to put him in it often but when I do he understands the action, that usually he is warned about before time out (unless this is hitting or something of equivalent seriousness) is the reason he got put there.

Yes the saying sorry is probably 'trained' however he will learn as he grows what that fully means.

I personally find timeout works, how other people choose to parent is up to them.

Namechangenamechange456 · 02/02/2016 01:38

DS knows when he's done something he shouldn't, I know because when i catch him mid act and say "DS what are you doing? He says "uhm... I'm tidying up!" Grin

Pipsqueak23 · 02/02/2016 01:38

P.s. Covering self in sudocrem I would not count as 'naughty' or necessary for a time out to be used. As I said about I don't have to use time out often but when I do it has proven effective.

I find they understand a lot more than they are able to communicate

Glastokitty · 02/02/2016 03:41

Someone said the naughty step is just a fad, well its a bloody long one! My mum used to make me sit on the stairs to calm down when I was little, and that was over forty years ago. I used it with my son too although neither me or my mum called it the naughty step. I found it very effective, and only had to use it a few times. I gave lots of praise too, but tantrums merited a swift removal to a quiet spot to calm down.

honkinghaddock · 02/02/2016 05:58

Ds is developmentally 2 and we and his school use a chair as somewhere for him to calm down. It is very effective and he now sometimes takes himself there when he is becoming worked up. It's not a naughty chair though and there is no set time to be on it.