conversation with DH

[MrsDeathOfRats]

So, I just got a parking ticket. (No signs, been parking there for years and the actual ticket is gone, just a yellow bag on my car! but that's another story)

Anyway, I called DH, because it's OUR car, that we split all the costs for and because he's my DH.
At one point during the call I was talking and H just kept repeating the same thing over me talking. I got frustrated and said 'oh sorry! Excuse me for trying to finish my sentence!' In a bit of a pissy tone (he has IMMENSE form for talking over me)
He said 'I wasn't you were cutting off'
Me 'oh well I didn't know that'
And we ended the call.

About 10 mins later we are both arriving home at exactly the same time.
He parked and I was walking over with the buggy.
Him 'what is wrong with you?'
Me 'nothing is wrong with me'
And we discussed the ticket but he is clearly pissed off.
We have been having struggles together and lots of nit picking arguments. He has a short temper. I have a low bullshit threshold.

Me 'it doesn't help us move on from an 'incident' if your first words to me are always accusatory and aggressive'
Him 'I wasn't. Something is wrong with you. Maybe it's the ticket but your not normal'
Me 'yes I was, I was fine but then you spoke to me like that without even bothering to say hello. Just straight in aggressively'
Him 'you were the one screaming at me on the phone over nothing. You should be apologising but now your starting a fight'
Me 'I didn't scream at you'
Him 'you were screaming cos u didn't know my phone was cutting out and u got a ticket and now, as usual, you want to take everything out on me'

It has escalated into a proper argument.
Me saying that he didn't need to speak to me that way and this whole argument could have been avoided if he had simply said hello and asked why I was upset rather then saying something is wrong with me in such a 'this is all your fault' manner.
He also called me crazy, and also the added in 'AS USUAL, you just want to take it out on me'

This isn't normal is it? It's like he is saying all the things that he feels about himself.

[lostinmiddlemarch]

He has a short temper. I have a low bullshit threshold.

I think you both have a short temper TBH. The thing that comes across from your OP is the mountains of self-righteous indignation, when he is probably feeling a very, very similar way.

You were pissed off when you saw him as a result of the phone call. He picked up on that immediately (I expect you were planning to be fine but he saw through it at once) and it irked him, because he felt you'd been snappy with him.

However the allowance thing is crackers. I don't know what that even means. My DH's salary goes into a shared account and that is our money, all of it. We discuss payments over £50 (though usually over £20) and we keep track of where every penny went and talk it through reasonably once a month. We both waste money sometimes but we know we've both been guilty of it. There's no nit picking about it. I would go spare if he was siphoning off most of his salary and giving me an allowance.

Other than that, your perspective isn't great. You need to be honest with yourself and him about the mood you're bringing to the interaction. Him seeing a problem isn't illegal. Him being pissed off isn't illegal either.

[Imustgodowntotheseaagain]

My ex used to suggest there was something wrong with me if I spoke up for myself. It's why he's my ex.

[Jux]

The root cause of all your problems really is the division of money. He thinks he owns you and can dictate to you. He minimises your work and exagerates the importance of his.

If he ever looks after the children for a day alone, leave him a list of what you would get done whilst also entertaining and feeding and cleaning the small ones, and see how he does. Don't worry about them, he'll get his mum to do it so they won't come to harm.

[nameschangerer]

I haven't rtft but it completely amazes me that someone has come on to a public forum to ask advice about this argument. I agree it's a pointless fight, you're both being petty and difficult. You're not just upset by his reaction, he explained that he kept cutting up and you're overreacting now to it. but reading between the lines I am going to say:

He's clearly resentful of being the sole earner and he's tired.You're clearly resentful because your given an allowance for an exhaustive job and this isn't acknowledged by him. This to me is the issue and will only be resolved by his thoughts shifting or you gaining some financial independence.