To take my own food to PIL's?

[GobiasIndustries]

I'm doing slimming world and have been getting on really well. PIL live about an hour and a half drive away so we usually go and see them of a weekend with DS and will stay the night.

MIL ALWAYS cooks. I offer to help and she says she doesn't need help. DH didn't cook a thing until he moved out to uni because he was never allowed. I've never realised it before but the things she cooks, whilst they are nice and I am very grateful, are full of things that I should be cutting back on or substituting for something else. She cooks with butter, even the vegetables are covered in butter. We were supposed to meet DH's friend on Saturday after staying over Friday but he was late and we ended up having breakfast and lunch there. Which was a greasy fry up and then curry and rice, the fry up she'd made as I was getting ready and the curry was out of a jar. She tried to give me cake at every opportunity and I politely said no thank you but she made me feel guilty because she'd bought it just for us. She kept on putting out biscuits and cakes and cookies. She also only drinks really sugary drinks and I don't really like drinking water, it needs juice in or flavour! I've told her I'm eating healthier but she just keeps saying that DS needs a role model who doesn't deprive themselves. She can be quite controlling at times too.

I would never expect her to cook according to my specific needs. When eating the curry DH mentioned a slimming world one that I had cooked the previous week and how nice it was. FiL asked about it and I said "Why don't I cook it for us next week when we come? That way you can both spend more time with DS and we can be useful in the kitchen." This was met with an awkward silence and then MIL laughed and said "I don't think so, dear." I asked why not and she said FIL and DH prefer her cooking. DH stood up for me and said that he loves my cooking and that I only want to help. She then said that FIL needs real food and she has to cook that for him. I just said that we do cook real food at home and it was their loss of they didn't want to try it. DH was really embarrassed about it but I just told him not to worry. FIL asked later on, maybe just to be nice, about other meals that I've cooked. I showed him some on the slimming world website and said I would let him borrow a book of mine. He works away three days during the week and lives in another house so would be able to cook for himself.

Next weekend we're staying on the Saturday night. We've planned to get there later on and skip dinner with them but would it be really rude of me to take my own cereal and fruit to snack on and maybe a frozen meal that I'd made for lunch?

We've not long moved from a small, one bed apartment to where we are now so it was always too cramped to have people round. They've visited a couple of times but we've just sort of fallen in to the habit of going there. With it being an hour and a half away (or two hours if MIL drives) its easier for us to go there and stay then drive back the next day.

Also, I still breastfeed and DS only settles for me of a night and refuses a bottle so I've not really had any time to myself so me and DH get a bit of a break when we go, we might go and watch a film in the other room while they have DS.

You're making a rod for your own back with every weekend.

She treats you like kids already, knows better in everything and you pitch up like the good girl every weekend.

Diet IS all about control, you fall off the wagon, you'll undo what you've done and hamper the new routine you need to be in to achieve your goals. So if this is a new regime and she's not going to support it, invite her to yours, her driving is her issue. Better yet postpone the visit until next week or the week after.

Cook yourself what you like

This is your family, people can come and see you, but to give up a day and a night a week every wee AND have your choices and views undermined? No.

This mum/parent stuff can take time to get the hang of, but you are old enough to manage your own life and time, you don't need to make life fair for others at the expense of your own family.stay home. Eat well and chill with your family.

I would find it a little rude of you OP.

If I were you I'd cut down the visits there (less often as a family/you miss trips/they visit you) and ask for smaller portions of her food.

It seems you are coming up with as many excuses as she is. You each have your own agendas and need to compromise

What hissy said.

It isn't rude to take your own food if it is enabling you to eat healthy. It is spectacularly rude to,behave as your MIL is doing.

This is a difficult one. You are trying to eat healthier. She see it as an insult if you don't eat her food.

I have a steady weight which I like to maintain. Due to a family tragedy, a few weeks ago my family started to cook for me. It was only a few weeks but my weight went up because they prepared food for me that I usually avoid. Because it was done out of genuine love and concern for me I kept quiet and ate it.

I do believe that you have to dig your heels in and try to find a way to bring your own food. Sometimes I felt quite sick, because the amount of food that was put before me. I am the typical 7 stone weakling with a small appetite. So I do understand how difficult it can be when faced with others food ideas.

Sorry I dont have any practical ideas for you.

I can't believe some posters think the OP is being rude. If she goes there every weekend, her MiL should know by now her eating preferences. I think the OP bringing her own food is actually a fair compromise.

You aren't rude bringing your own food, but I have more issue with the need to keep parental visits 'equal and fair'. This is madness and is the road to disaster imo.

If your parents live nearer It is only logical and common sense that they see you more regularly. To try to balance this by spending a night at your PIL every week is just crazy. If they want to see you, they come and see you. You have said you only go overnight now as you don't want baby in the car too long. But they are adults, so they can make the journey in a day. Stop puting yourself out for them, you' your dp and ds come first.

My parents live a very long way away (flight) and when they come they come for a week or more. My PIL live 2 1/2 hours away, they come for a couple of days at a time but never for a week. They both come a visit about the same number of times a year. So the time seems 'unequal' but that's their problem, not ours.

Can't you just eat small portions?

This is why SW etc are a nightmare, if you stray you are fucked, whereas if you just learn to eat normally then you can have a day of eating more at the weekend or a celebration and then just eat less in the following days.

Can't you just be honest with her and say that you'd love to eat everything but you are desperate to shift some weight and would love to have her onside. Charm offensive is your best bet here I think - combined with eating small portions of the meals and leaving the cake.

What Alibabs said.

I do think your MIL sounds a bit OTT about food, but I also think you can just be a little assertive with her.

Ask if you can have your vegetables without butter. Ask for smaller portions, or leave some if she serves too much. Say no politely to cake and biscuits. If she says it will go to waste, suggest she freezes it.

If she says you're a bad influence on DS because you're dieting, just do a tinkly little laugh, and say "terrible mummy!"

Taking your own food will appear rude to her. I just wouldn't do it, if I were you.