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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To complain to the head about this?

69 replies

Givinguph0pe · 01/02/2016 09:43

Ds is 6 and in year 2. He is mildly dyspraxic and has problems with his vision. However he absolutely adores PE.
A couple of weeks ago we had a newletter saying a 'small group' of year 2 children were going to the high school to take part in a sports carousel morning. Not competitive just a range of activities.

This week ds suddenly started crying at dinner time. 18 out of 24 children had been chosen by the PE teacher to go. Ds was bitterly disappointed that he hadn't been chosen. I know they can be chosen for everything but 18 out of 24 is not a small group. In my mind you take them all or less than half. The PE teacher had come into the class and said these were the children he'd 'chosen.' Of the other five not chosen I know two are asthmatic, one is mildly autistic and one is quite overweight. Obviously the children not going had been hand picked.
I spoke to the class teacher who said she would have chosen names out of a hat which is what I'd have done in that situation. At least it would be fair that way albeit disappointing. Now ds feels like he's one of six children who the PE teacher doesn't like and that he's rubbish as PE. I'm quite cross about it.

Dh thinks we should write to the head to make sure it doesn't happen again but is it a bit special snowflake? I have spoken to the teacher already after all. Otoh I don't agree at all with how the PE teacher went about it. If it was competitive and they were older I can see he'd want the children who were best at PE but it was just a fun morning of sports activities which ds would have loved.

OP posts:

Gobbolino6 · 01/02/2016 10:31

I would speak to the HT.

skyeskyeskye · 01/02/2016 10:34

I would definitely be bringing it up with the head teacher, not just for your child but stating that it appears that the less abled ones have not been included. If this is because it is something that they are not capable of doing, then fair enough, but I can't imagine that it is! and to leave 6 out of a class of 24, is just wrong.

It is a horrible feeling when you feel that your child is not good enough, worse if they feel like it too :(

briss · 01/02/2016 10:40

That doesn't sound very fair

However. My dd is Able and talented in sport (or whatever its called these days) and sometimes she does get to go on the sports equivalent of extension work - days at the local secondary school etc. This happens to other children for Art and Science.

But if it were one of those it would be a much smaller group

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/02/2016 10:43

How convenient that the random selection just happened to exclude the DC who might struggle with PE for health / developmental reasons. I would raise it with the Head. To exclude 6 out of 24 is unreasonable in any event but to happen to exclude those who might have additional needs or other issues is a bit to co-incidental.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 01/02/2016 10:43

Too not to

MerryMarigold · 01/02/2016 10:45

YANBU. That is WELL OUT OF ORDER, and it makes me furious. What else happens to make 'less able' kids, in whichever aspect of school life, feel left out. If this were a birthday party, we'd be fuming on MN about the selfish/ thoughtless insert worse words here parent, but this is supposedly a school in charge of children's wellbeing and education.

Speak to HT if you think they are any good and will deal with it properly. Speak directly to PE teacher (request meeting) - if you think the HT will just let it lie, and nod sympathetically- and make your feelings known directly to PE teacher. Also, keep your eye out for this attitude in any other areas of the school - are certificates given out for effort or achievement etc.

AlwaysHopeful1 · 01/02/2016 10:46

I agree it isn't fair. It's the majority and a small group who have some issues that's wasn't picked. That's quite obvious. Definitely speak to them about it.

Arfarfanarf · 01/02/2016 10:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lazyarse123 · 01/02/2016 10:47

You really should complain to the Head, this kind of thing can have a lasting effect. When my DS1 was at primary school he was really excited to join the after school football team run by the PE teacher. We were told he had to have all the equipment boots etc before joining. He went for 6 weeks without being picked to play once, when i asked why i was told it was because he wasn't very good and they had trophies to win. I thought the point was exercise and enjoyment. He was so disappointed and wouldn't join any other clubs. PE Teachers=Arseholes.

briss · 01/02/2016 10:49

When my DS1 was at primary school he was really excited to join the after school football team run by the PE teacher. We were told he had to have all the equipment boots etc before joining. He went for 6 weeks without being picked to play once, when i asked why i was told it was because he wasn't very good and they had trophies to win. I thought the point was exercise and enjoyment. He was so disappointed and wouldn't join any other clubs. PE Teachers=Arseholes.

thats very sad

Football is the WORST sport for this IME

Schwabischeweihnachtskanne · 01/02/2016 10:49

I started reading off thinking you were unreasonable because why shouldn't the best at PE sometimes get extra chances, just as an able group might be taken on a maths or whatever extension trip (when I was teaching I remember a small group of very able at maths children did a programme at a local uni - it was a tiny percentage of the year group though, maybe 8-10 kids, so about 5% of a big secondary year 9 group).

However leaving out 6 out 24 is properly cruel and horrible and stigmatising and the PE teacher deserves a real dressing down for that - how unprofessional and nasty!

Take 6 and leave 18 - then it is fine to choose the 6 who have real talent.

Take half the class and you have to pick them out of a hat.

Its never OK to take 18 out of 24 even if they are picked out of a hat - that is never going to be good for the class dynamic and kids are always going to feel a massive sense of injustice - maximum half the class before you have to take everyone, or everyone who wants to go, on a school activity like this!

SheHasAWildHeart · 01/02/2016 11:02

The high school might have limited numbers in which case the teacher should have just declined the invitation or as you say just taken a small group. As a School Governor I am really disgusted by this!

Veritat · 01/02/2016 11:03

If I were the headteacher a PE teacher who thought that was conceivably the right way to go about things would be receiving a formal warning. It's the sort of attitude that could get the school into a very expensive disability discrimination action.

But I think there's also an issue with the high school. If it's just a carousel of PE activities, why only ask 18 children? They must know the primary school's usual year group size, and it surely wouldn't be difficult to fit in another 6 children. Why set up any activity that is going to exclude only 6 children in the year group?

wheresthebeach · 01/02/2016 11:11

I'd complain. Send an email...paper trails always get a reaction!

Ask why the whole class can't go...and if limited numbers why it wasn't done on a volunteer or random basis.

I'd point out that even tho my ds was dyspraxic that he likes to be included and 'while I can't speak for the other parents' the autistic and asthmatic children are probably keen to be included in fun, non competitive activities as well.

Finish with asking them to look at it again 'with a fresh pair of eyes'.

This sort of stuff really gets my goat.

lazyarse123 · 01/02/2016 11:22

BRISS Thank you for that.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 01/02/2016 11:28

Complain. There's no way on earth that would happen at our school. I can't really see how a situation would arise in which those numbers would be possible (i.e. more than half, but not all) but I know that if there's an opportunity for a 'friendly' sporting activity but only a very few can go, it's heavily skewed towards the less able at PE, on the basis that they'd get most out of it - the sportiest DC are already doing several extracurricular sports and will be the ones selected to do the competitions. Otherwise it's a lottery system.

My asthmatic DC would be extremely upset. They swim, play tennis, football, multisports etc. They'd be even more upset at being 'labelled' than at the discrimination - Paula Radcliffe is asthmatic, Sir Steve Redgrave is diabetic, didn't stop them from doing well at sport... You can only assume they didn't have a PE teacher like your DS's!

Original poster

Givinguph0pe · 01/02/2016 11:30

The class teacher was quite defensive about it. As soon as she saw me she said 'I had nothing to do with it!' That made me think someone else might have said something too. She said she thought they should have taken all the children - as apparently most schools had it turned out - and that the 6 that had stayed had had a wasted morning as there was no lint doing anything much with 6. That annoyed me too as heaven forbid you have an appointment or anything in school time yet they were happy to waste my ds's time.

It was a morning event so the children that went came back to school in the afternoon and talked about it which ds found hard.

OP posts:

Veritat · 01/02/2016 11:39

I know the class teacher's hands were probably a bit tied, but I think in her shoes I would have at the very least wanted to arrange something for those six that was a real treat.

If most schools took all the children, this PE teacher has some even more serious questions to answer about why she chose not to. It's sounding more and more as if she made a very deliberate decision to exclude the children whom she perceived wouldn't enhance her personal glory. It really is disgraceful.

emmaluvseeyore · 01/02/2016 11:45

A similar thing happened to me when I was at primary school. I went along to every single netball practice for 2 years but was never once picked to play a match. They didn't even let me play when the team were winning by 80+ points! I honestly think that played a huge part in me hating PE in Secondary. Then, in Secondary, I discovered I was quite good at discus (I was the best in my year), but yet still wasn't chosen to represent the school at our district sports day. They picked a really slim girl who wasn't any good at it, rather than me (overweight kid). Turns out if they'd picked me, I probably would have won as I could easily throw the winning distance.

I had hoped things had changed since I was at school (I'm 26), but this shows me there are still horrible PE teachers out there!

Dixiechickonhols · 01/02/2016 12:37

I would. Keep it short and to the point. 18/24 is not a small group as communicated to parents. You have concerns re selection of children from inclusion/disability discrimination point of view. Inadequate arrangements for those left behind - wasted morning. Affect on your son having to sit there whilst otherschatted about the fun morning. Affect on your sons attitude to PE.

My DD has a disability and we had a situation in September caused by her new class teacher 'not thinking'. A physical activity was arranged at the last minute and my DD was the only one who couldn't do it. No arrangements were made for DD (she was to be sent to the class below which is what they sometimes do for punishment) DD was expected to sit in class in uniform staring out of the window at her mates were having fun outside in their own clothes and be left out whilst they chatted about it afterwards.

It did get resolved to my satisfaction with an apology, I met with class teacher and head several times and i'm satified it won't happen again.

averylongtimeago · 01/02/2016 12:45

So it wasn't that there was limited space, it was blatant discrimination by the PE teacher.
Take this further OP, otherwise that PE teacher will continue to behave in the same way.
I am sure I am not alone in viewing my own days of PE lessons with horror - the bullying, unfair sarcastic teachers who tbh put me off sport for life. I know I was not very good, couldn't run fast or catch a ball, but there was no reason to make me feel rubbish. I would hope that physical education had moved on and that teachers who continue in the bad old way would be stopped.

MerryMarigold · 01/02/2016 12:48

Givinguphope. I do agree with the initial email. It needs to be on 'paper' so it can be taken more seriously and so Head can use it as a proper complaint. It is well out of the order. The teacher knew it was well out of order, hence defensive.

But still bad teacher a) not to have changed it (SHE should have gone to Head before it has happened and it's too late) and b) not to have done something really special with those 6 kids.

PosieReturningParker · 01/02/2016 12:51

Take it further, get your hard hat on, be prepared for everyone to minimise this. Do not accept it, not at all.

Stick your head up and complain, go to Head then the governors. This is excluding your child which is bullying and frankly disgusting.

The school must come up with some way of appeasing your child, all of those excluded. not just a sorry, that's shite for a six year old. they will have to come up with something that makes the kids excluded think it was because something better was happening for them./

Blood boiling on your behalf!

PosieReturningParker · 01/02/2016 12:51

And YY to everything in writing.

MerryMarigold · 01/02/2016 12:54

OP, this is a unanimous AIBU. I think that should go in the letter as hard evidence!

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