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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

What do others do re DSC and nits?

70 replies

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 19:33

This may have been done to death - apologies if so.

Have DSD EOW - do not live close by.

I realise as a "step-parent" I am possibly an evil entity here on MN - so not sure if asking for advice or having a vent

Generally have good relationship with their mum - we have fallen out in the past about nits (I have DC of my own - older now but 1 of them has Afro hair).

I accept of course nits is part of having children. My beef is that OH has picked them up from school and dropped them home, seen nits falling out of their hair, mentioned it to their mum and we have had them a few days later for the weekend and clearly nothing has been done as they are riddled. Both have long hair so will take up to two hours to properly go through them both with conditioner and nitty gritty comb.

Today they were about to leave and DSD2 had something on her forehead, I went to remove it and saw it was a nit (we hadn't thought to check this weekend I accept that was an oversight on our part) and checked them both and they both have them, loads of nits and eggs.

I said don't worry it's not your fault etc just tell mummy when you get home DSD1 then said it is DSD2 fault because mummy gives them the nit com and they are expected to go through their own hair with it and DSD2 hasn't been doing it.

I can actually well believe this but I don't really know what to do about it. It's fire fighting getting rid of them twice a month for them not to be checked the rest of the month and whenever OH mentions anything to his ex he gets a load of abuse about what a shit husband he was what a shit parent he is (they split 8 yrs ago and she is with someone else) it's so hard - I just want her to deal with it for their sakes more than anything what do others do?

They were sent a while back and she sent a text telling him they had had nits and for him to "stay on top of it" they were riddled they did not just have a couple of missed eggs and thing is we usually do stay on top of it but it's hard when they don't live with us.

I don't really want them to feel like I (or OH) are obsessively checking them as soon as they walk through the door either.

OP posts:

NickNacks · 31/01/2016 21:54

Ok it's not here so my mistake. We had to be referred to the clinic. I'm not sure what else a specialist might do though it's quite common and she will more than likely grow out of it. Poor girl it is rotten though.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 21:55

She was on a waiting list which is why we bought one for her

The alarm doesn't really work EOW unfortunately

OP posts:

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 21:57

I know I thought by 11 she would've grown out of it - I have looked on the net and it says that a hormone needs to kick in.

I hope soon before periods but feel bad for her because it upsets her a lot when it happens even though we don't make a fuss and I always reassure her that it's not her fault.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 31/01/2016 22:00

Just so so so sad isn't it

LegoRuinedMyFinances · 31/01/2016 22:02

We had the alarm (couldn't have the medication for other reasons). It didn't work for us - God knows we tried for four months and my child had full parental input, sheets changed regularly. Sometimes the alarm doesn't work.

However what you are describing is concerning as the basic care needs of these girls aren't being met. Have you considered changing the care over to yourselves? Would you seek legal advice or at least take the child to the GP again? Surely if they don't have a gp with their mum they could register with you, so long as your DP has PR.

It's a shame for the girls that these issues aren't being dealt with.

Dungandbother · 31/01/2016 22:05

A girl in ex family was 13 before being dry and they too tried everything.

Keep her confidence up that she isn't doing anything wrong. I'm sure you do.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 22:07

He will take her back to the GP.

We can't have them. OH is forces and I work full time and have a house full of 3 teens of my own.

OP posts:

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 22:08

I took her to have her nails done a few weeks ago to make her feel nice and "grown up".

Her mum went ballistic :S

OP posts:

LegoRuinedMyFinances · 31/01/2016 22:13

Cute our child eventually became dry in early teens. We still get the odd accident and it has been a long slog, but it really does need parental help and supervision. My child was helping me change sheets due to age and I made sure my child had a shower every morning if they'd had a wet night. I hope the girls mum is helping her stay clean and changing sheets - as I know my child felt embarrassed enough, even though we told my child it wasn't their fault/don't be embarrassed.

Equally, try and teach them to manage their own hair the best they can and Hedrin them every Friday they are with you (if you take proof of lice some pharmacies provide free lotion).

ridemesideways · 31/01/2016 22:14

Those poor children are being neglected. I would inform their school if you feel your hands are tied.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 22:19

She gets told off and left in soiled sheets.

It's shit

OP posts:

Claraoswald36 · 31/01/2016 22:21

So they are boys with long hair which they want to have cut and they keep getting nits but their mum won't allow it?
Get their hair cut - she doesn't have the default authority

CrazyLoopholeInTimeAndSpace · 31/01/2016 22:22

We got told by enuresis nurse ds should at least strip his bed. I remake it for him though.

No advice on the nits, I do dd's hair twice a week as there are parents in her class that don't treat. The idea of treating them at yours then providing spray for home sounds good though.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 31/01/2016 22:26

Yeah when she is here we get her up and take her for a wee - I know you aren't supposed to.

We also put a spare set of bedding and baby wipes in the corner of the room.

Sometimes she gets really upset and needs help so we do.

OP posts:

Dungandbother · 31/01/2016 22:30

Advice has changed back to take them for a wee at 10pm. So said my enuresis nurse.

Tho not the case of using an alarm. Then it's just wake the whole house up

AuditAngel · 01/02/2016 07:07

Cute the enuresis clinic also give advice at the appointments (DS went a few years ago) and a lot of the advice is things your DSD can put in place herself, without her mum's help if permission.

We were told:
No caffeine in drinks
No fizzy drinks
No blackcurrant (it irritates the bladder)
Last drink 1.5 hours before bedtime
Drink plenty throughout the day so not thirsty in the evening, but don't sip continuously from a water bottle, about 250ml from a cup 6 times a day (Helps to train the bladder about feeling full, but DS was a very small 8yo, so DSD might need to work up to a slightly bigger volume)
When getting ready for bed, wee at the beginning of getting ready, then a second wee just before settling down.

We were also told to get the child to help strip the bed so they are in control.

I think most of this an 11yo could do with your support and not even getting her mum involved.

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 05/02/2016 14:19

I am updating - or venting - you choose.

OH has come home this weekend (not our weekend to have the DSDs) and picked them up from school Tues.

Bearing in mind I found the nits as they were leaving Sun and they got home at 6.30 sun eve.

OH asked them if mummy had done their hair on Sunday "no" and she didn't do it Monday either. - the nits were falling out of one of their heads on sun.

OH went to a chemist on his way to taking them home and had to take them into a public loo and moussed their hair - they both cried FFS. Told them to have a shower the following morning.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 05/02/2016 14:21

Why were they crying???

Would they really rather that the nits weren't treated?

If they kick up a fuss about getting them dealt with is that partly why their mum is so resistant to do it?

Regardless I'd be fuming that a child has been left infested with nits

Original poster

Cutecat78 · 05/02/2016 14:23

No they are normally fine - they were crying because they felt a bit silly in the public loo and had to go out in public looking like their hair was wet I think.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 05/02/2016 14:32

Perhaps time to teach them to do each others hair and reward them for doing it?

I've found cheap conditioner on dry hair with the nitty comb in front of a DVD/TV programme and then rinse it all off the easiest for everyone...

Then mid week use that Hedrin stuff.

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