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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that boyfriend should delete pictures of women from his phone?!

62 replies

Mooey89 · 31/01/2016 16:35

Dboyfrie d and I have been seeing each other for a few months. We are exclusive, we are really into each other etc etc.

He was showing me some old pictures on his phone, and I spotted a very busty very naked woman. This was a girl he was seeing for a bit a while back.

I asked him to delete them, he said no. He said out of principle because I asked him to he wouldn't?!

I think it's a matter of respect and he should delete!im so upset that he won't get rid of them that I actually want to leave and go home.

AIBU and childish?! Prepared to be told that I am by you wise grown ups!!!

OP posts:

CheersMedea · 31/01/2016 17:31

How would you feel if he was showing naked pictures of you to his next gf because that is what will happen.

The kind of man who'd behave like that is the kind of man with no respect for privacy. He may very well take photos of you naked asleep. It's that level of disrespect for a persons privacy.

I'd dump him not just because of the fact of them but his attitude to you. It smacks very much of "I have the upper hand in this relationship. I don't care if this upsets you because I know you'll just take it. You won't dump me for this."

It reminds me of very juvenile relationships where boys who have a gf who worships them just run riot over them because they know they can.

littleleftie · 31/01/2016 17:33

Honestly, don't doubt yourself OP. This is a pivotal moment, and if you go back to him now, you will look back on it and think why oh why didn't I end it then?

donajimena · 31/01/2016 17:37

I take my hat of to you for going home. His attitude stinks.

Tabsicle · 31/01/2016 17:39

Holy crap dump him! And his poor ex. She gave permission for him to view her naked body, no some random. If he doesn't understand that, then he's not going to respect your boundaries either.

Ginkypig · 31/01/2016 17:40

What else won't he do because he perceived you didn't ask nicely!

Will it walkways be your fault that he can't/wont do somthing from now on.

Ginkypig · 31/01/2016 17:40

Always not walkways

ToastDemon · 31/01/2016 17:54

God yes another one saying dump. It's not just the having naked pictures of an ex still, although that is bad, it's his stinking attitude towards your perfectly reasonable request.

Andrewofgg · 31/01/2016 17:56

Dump now.

The only photos I kept of exes were a few group shots where there were other friends in the picture. Others were shredded and this being the Seventies the negatives cut in half and binned.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 31/01/2016 17:57

I'm actually not bothered by the pictures really, I can understand forgetting you had them or whatever, it's the fact that he reacted the way he did when I asked him to delete them that bothers me.

OP posts:

NoncommittalToSparkleMotion · 31/01/2016 18:01

Good for you.

What a creep.

That "ask nicely" shit will only get worse.

Pseudo341 · 31/01/2016 18:19

thelifeofamber, I didn't say he was showing them to anyone, which would be even worse, the fact that they were still in the gallery on his phone shows she was mistaken to trust him with them. A decent man would delete all such pictures once the relationship was ended.

ricketytickety · 31/01/2016 18:23

Yuk! I feel for the other woman too. Don't let him take pics of you as you know he'll hang on to them. I would not trust a man who did this to be honest. Grim all round.

AyeAmarok · 31/01/2016 18:49

What a twat. Did he show you them 'accidently on purpose' so you were supposed to be impressed or insecure that he has an ex with massive norks?

He should have deleted them when they broke up, that's not fair to keep them after the relationship ends as wank-fodder.

Original poster

Mooey89 · 31/01/2016 19:11

Haha. Definitely wasn't accidentally on purpose and I guessed any ex would have had massive knockers as he is most definitely a boob man... And I'm not exactly under endowed myself!!!

OP posts:

madwomanbackintheattic · 31/01/2016 19:19

Oh well that's okay then. As long as you've got big tits and don't mind naked photos of you being shown to his next girlfriend, you carry on. Sometimes people do deserve each other.

You are missing the point, mooey. The dude keeps naked pics of someone he is no longer intimate with. And shows them to other people. And didn't go 'oops, didn't know I still had that - better delete' - he told you he would keep it unless you asked 'nicely'.

Rather you than me, sweetheart. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with him.

AnyFucker · 31/01/2016 19:26

Yes, that last post was a bit flippant. You made it look like what he did was absolutely ok as long as you were the big titted woman he was wanking over. Hmm.

You never did tell us if he has similar pics of you.

Blondeshavemorefun · 31/01/2016 19:51

if he had any respect from you or his ex he would delete them

sure he has showed many people including his friends

hope he hasnt any of you as when you arent together if will show people, or he may he even show his friends now ......

Trills · 31/01/2016 19:54

It sounds like you have a decent handle on what is an OK way for someone to speak to you and what is NOT an OK way for someone to speak to you.

Keep hold of that.

JolseBaby · 31/01/2016 20:56

I would be having a very careful think about someone that expected me to 'ask nicely'. You aren't a child. You don't need to be taught about manners. This would be a red flag for me - and that's before you get into the territory of him still having intimate pictures of an Ex on his phone.

Xmasbaby11 · 31/01/2016 21:01

Ooh that's horrible. I wouldn't want to see him anymore. Very disrespectful

NattyNatural · 31/01/2016 21:13

I would think that he still has feelings for his ex based on his reaction. Him wanting to keep the pic is enough in itself.
You staying with him after this would be mad

Original poster

Mooey89 · 31/01/2016 22:12

It probably was flippant. That's just my way. Did you all miss the part when I told you I went home?

I don't plan to see him again.

No pictures of me that show anything I would be uncomfortable with my boss seeing.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mooey89 · 31/01/2016 22:18

And I didn't mean that it was ok that she was naked with big boobs because I have big boobs, I said that wasn't the problem - the problem, clearly, was the lack of deletion.

OP posts:

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 31/01/2016 22:36

Good on you OP. I know grossly personal/sexual things about a couple of women locally, who have been the subject of gossip originating from men who didn't respect their privacy and shared too freely. Why would you want to stay with a man who kept and showed personal pictures of women he was no longer involved with probably because they dumped him?

thickgit · 31/01/2016 22:58

Well done. Stick to your guns. Head up and chin up!

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