to not go with the theme for this hen do?

[ritaskeeterspen]

NC as some of the people going are MNers.

Sorry this is long but I need to explain the reasons I feel as I do. Going to a hen do in a few weeks. The 'theme' is burlesque.

Background: I have a 2yo and 4 month old twins, my husband has just left, I'm suffering from PND and anxiety, I feel absolutely rock bottom in terms of my self confidence. The majority of other ladies who will be going are all very confident, outgoing and happy with their bodies. They think nothing of going out in skimpy outfits and flashing some flesh.

I've ordered a 'burlesque' outfit, tried it on. I feel ridiculous. I have no boobs since I stopped BF, and although I'm very lucky to have 'sprung back' as it were, I don't feel like showcasing my post baby body to all and sundry. My image of my body has changed massively since having my children and I no longer see my body as something 'sexy' or 'attractive', I'm a mummy who uses my body to protect and nurture my children. The thought of having to squeeze into a basque and a tutu makes me really sick.

Also, since I don't get out much these days, I want to be able to enjoy the day rather than worrying about how I look/being a laughing stock the whole time.

If I don't go with the theme I'll be the only one. AIBU to not just suck it up for 1 day? Or should I stick.out like a sore thumb and wear a nice dress instead?

[NameChange1815]

Corset belt. Add to top/frock of your choosing.
Even cheaper alternative

[bakeoffcake]

Sport posted too soon-

If you do, where something modest?

If you don't then maybe join them for lunch and drinks.

[whois]

You don't need to be in a state of undress. Run with the theme not the actual nipple tassels.

So you could go for a comfy Jong sleeve black jersey dress with fishnets, feather boa, a hair piece and red lipstick and black eye liner. Or similar.

Or smart tailored trousers black or pin stripe, heels, nice black top and burlesque accomplishments and lipstick.

[bakeoffcake]

Sorry that should be 'do you want to do the class?'

[ritaskeeterspen]

Thank you for all of your suggestions. I'll try to throw something together.

[AnnaMarlowe]

I went on a Hen night when my twins were 4 months old.

Personally, I was miserable - sleep deprived, I was feeding so I leaked into my outfit despite expressing before I left and would really much rather had been tucked into bed.

You are a better woman than me, there's is no way I'd have gone if a theme was required.

Ps 'Waitrose Essentials Strippers'

[UptownFunk00]

I wouldn't go - the thought fills me with horror!

I'd not go and say you can't get childcare or if you are really close to one of the others explain how you feel.

The only time I would go is if you want to feel more confident but just don't feel there yet.

I don't know many who would feel confident enough to wear that kind off.

[diddl]

"But you'd not have got me on a hen do when my baby was four months old. I'm not sure I'd go on one now and he's nine months!"

You'd not get me on this one & mine are teens

[vvviola]

My hen party had a burlesque class. It was not my choice. It was my lovely bridesmaids attempt to get an activity to make me feel better about my body (DD1 was 9 months old), deflect the wishes of some people to do the whole inflatable willies thing, and get a very disparate group of people together having fun. It was actually fine. Very low key, more dance focused than I expected. If I remember correctly all I wore was a black pencil skirt and a black v-neck t-shirt, with a pink boa.

It may not be as horrible as you expect OP, but I would definitely go with the theme rather than a full burlesque outfit.

[wednesdaysocks]

Went on a hen do last year with the same theme and a class- it was great fun, but we didn't all dress up due to regulations at the dinner/show we had booked after class (we dressed the bride up though). We did accessories in wedding colours instead, so (for example) I wore black skinny jeans and a vest top, peep toe platforms and a garter over my jeans.

Burlesque also seems to lean towards 40's/50's era, so you could also go for a plain tea length full skirt dress, or pencil skirt combo and add a corset style/thick belt.

[limitedperiodonly]

Sounds hideous. Can you fake your own death?

[MuttonDressedAsMutton]

Ring in sick and flog the outfit on eBay. That's what I would do - but it would never have got this far in my world I truly feel for you as this whole scenario is played out in my head when I've had too much cheese right before bed!

[glenthebattleostrich]

What about a Dita Von Tease type outfit.

Wiggle dress from lindy bop, 40's pin up Hair, killer heals and lasing of eye liner and red lippy?

[FeliciaJollygoodfellow]

As far as I'm concerned, your OP could just have been your title.

YANBU to not want to dress up, I would consider wearing a t shirt with fans or something but burlesque? No thanks.

[Bexster93]

You needn't go all out on the theme. Meet them half way. Although I do love MissBattleaxe's suggestion!

[chrome100]

It's not my cup of tea but to be honest, no one will give a shiny shit what you look like so nor should you. I'd just go along with it. It's one night.

[ginnybag]

I'd second the 'vintage' look, as much as anything.

And remember, Burlesque is about being a classy tease.... not a half naked stripper in cheap net!!

Less is, definitely, more - and just about anything goes. Be comfortable so you're confident and you're 90% there!

[AnnaMarlowe]

limited might make attending the wedding a tad awkward.

[ProfGrammaticus]

I agree that you can make this work for you and the class will probably be much more about dancing than you are anticipating. Black dress/ cheap stretch skirt and accessories is the way to go. I hope you will have a fun day, it sounds as though you deserve one.

[katienana]

Wear your nicest best fitting outfit and add a feather boa. I hope you have fun it sounds like you need a few laughs.

[MadamCroquette]

OMG OP that's making me feel stressed just thinking about it! Of course you don't have to wear an outfit that makes you uncomfortable. You don't have to go – you can just see how you feel and have a terrible headache on the day, if you like. If you do go, you can wear a normal outfit, or as others have said a demure dress like the Dita pic linked, or a jazz dance suit and top hat (like Miss Hoolie wears in that dance on balamaory... I always liked that, maybe that's just me!)

I have no idea why hen nights have these daft themes. Way to make people feel miserable and exposed.

[smellysocksandchickenpox]

me too Madam

I'm already thinking up my excuses and it's not even me who has been asked to go LOL

[glenthebattleostrich]

www.lindybop.co.uk/dresses-c1/wiggle-dresses-c4/vanessa-black-sangria-wiggle-dress-p838

www.lindybop.co.uk/dresses-c1/wiggle-dresses-c4/pandora-black-pencil-wiggle-dress-p188

These sorts of things

[Pedestriana]

I'm sorry you're not looking forward to this and given the situation, I can completely understand why.

If it helps, I've seen burlesque performed in many 'forms'. Large ladies with everything wobbling, slim ladies (think ironing board physiques), and anywhere in between with lumps, bumps, blemishes etc. I know that won't necessarily affect your personal take on it right now, but just to advise that nobody I've ever seen has been in any way 'perfect'.

Some years ago I attended a burlesque class. I wore shorts under a wraparound skirt, a vest and some long gloves with a feather boa. We learned to sashay about, and how to take off gloves & boa. It was a huge amount of fun.

I love the dress that someone's posted upthread. That's very suitable. You absolutely do not have to wear anything skimpy or that makes you feel uncomfortable.