Is this reasonable (regarding miscarriage and other people's babies)

[Plateofcrumbs]

OK there is loads of backstory to this but I just want to try to get a measure on this one particular issue in isolation.

Family member and his DW have one child. We are not very close (backstory!) but have sporadic contact mostly via email and occasional call.

They experienced a miscarriage whilst TTC their second child. My DH and I have a DS who was 6 months at time this happened (their own first child was 1). Family member asked that we did not send updates or pictures about our DS as it was upsetting for his DW. I complied and figured I would wait until I was asked about DS again before I offered anything up. This was about a year ago and I have not been asked about him once since and contact has been minimal.

I understand they could have had further losses in that time and people grieve in their own way and in their own time.

When I write it down like that it seems obvious I am BU. But because of the backstory I can't help feeling it was a convenient excuse to cut contact with us.

It would feel more understandable if they were TTC their first, or we had a newborn. But we are now both parents to toddlers, and it seems strange to not be able to share that experience.

I don't know, it's a sad situation all round.

Glad you realise it's not about you Plate.

People react differently. 18 months+ here and 4 early MCs, and I've had to distance myself hugely from all the pregnant women I know. It's painfully irrational, borderline loony, and yet it's where I am and maybe where your SIL and BIL are too.

You just need to keep living your life and hoping they will "come back".

Do keep in touch on a non-kid level ("did you see this funny YouTube video" level of stuff, letting them know you're still there as you and not just 'mum of kids') and for your own sake, work on accepting that sadly whatever the reason, your kid's relationships with them won't be hugely close at this stage.

Everyone handles MC differently and different things affect you at different times. So Yabu.

Since my last two MC two of my close friends have had babies. That doesn't affect me at all, I'm just pleased and happy for them.

However, a relative has recently has a baby that looks like that family (I.e everyone says 'ohhh he's such a Smith isn't he?? Looks just like X,Y & Z!) And that hurts. Because I always imagined that my DC 'would look like a Smith' and it brings home what we have lost.

Grief over a MC isn't rational, and like a PP said it's really draining having to pretend you are ok at times and then go home to bed for 24hrs because you are hurting inside in secret.

I think its highly likely they have still been TTC and either not got pregnant, have had further losses or are very early days of pregnancy hence why zero contact.

I think it is a bit different if you already have a child though as you are constantly surrounded by other pregnant people and babies anyway. It is unavoidable and avoiding contact with one particular person doesn't help especially when their child isn't even a newborn and is a similar age to your own child. There must be another reason for avoiding contact...

I agree. I think avoiding contact with anyone with a young child or baby or is pregnant must be quite difficult at an age when people have young children themselves. Everyone knows people are bound to be upset at first. But going no contact for a year and then exprecting a friendship to continue is just not reasonable. IMHO. And asking people not to contact you is a bit well