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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Broken second hand items for a baby?

48 replies

booandshoe · 28/01/2016 13:34

My partner and I are expecting our first child in Spring. It will be the third grandchild for his parents. He has accepted second hand items from his family that his mum has said will be ok to use with our baby. The worst of the second hand items are a 12 year old travel cot that isn't sturdy and actually falls over if anything leans on it, a baby gate with parts missing, a 6 year old cot that is wobbly and a 6 year old car seat.

I have tried to be polite and say "thanks but no thanks" and explain to my partner that these items are not safe for a new baby, but he thinks that because his mum says that they'll be fine then I'm being a snob by wanting new things when there's nothing wrong with the second hand things.

I'm not putting a baby in something that is not safe and I am fed up with arguing about it. I'm starting to feel like saving money is more important than our baby's safety to his side of the family.

Is it me being horrible? Or am I right to not accept any old junk for our baby? How can I deal with this?

OP posts:
VagueIdeas · 28/01/2016 13:35

Of course you're not being horrible. Who wants broken and possibly unsafe junk like that?

Imnotaslimjim · 28/01/2016 13:37

You're not being horrible at all!! I'd throw them out and get new (or newer if your budget can't stretch) Your DH needs to get a grip and cut his apron strings

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 13:37

Stop arguing about it, its not an issue. She gives you a bandy travelcot, you say thank you, and throw it out. No need to fight about it.

Chillyegg · 28/01/2016 13:40

Your not actually meant to use second hand car seats. The stair gate,cot and travel cot I'd just lose to be honest if it's falling over.

gamerchick · 28/01/2016 13:41

Just bin them and carry on with your plan. There's no point arguing about it. When I was expecting my first his mother tried to give me a pram that she had found in some bushes. I just ignored it was there and sorted myself out.

Stop fighting about it and sling them.

BrokenVag · 28/01/2016 13:43

The cot we used for our DD was 56 years old. My aunty was concerned that it might not be "legal" to use it. Grin

wednesdaysocks · 28/01/2016 13:43

Pretty sure car seats have a 5 year shelf life, I think I read it on the maxi cosi website when I was trying to decide whether I should use (then 6 year old) DS's old seat for DD.

BrokenVag · 28/01/2016 13:43

Your not actually meant to use second hand car seats

That's not true, provided you know it's history.

Original poster
booandshoe · 28/01/2016 13:44

I can't throw things out because my partner thinks that they are fine for a baby because babies don't move around much and won't manage to knock them over. If I threw them out then it would cause another argument. I just can't get him to understand that certain things can't be in poor condition.

OP posts:
BrokenVag · 28/01/2016 13:45

Pretty sure car seats have a 5 year shelf life, I think I read it on the maxi cosi website when I was trying to decide whether I should use (then 6 year old) DS's old seat for DD.

No company has ever said something like that to sell more products, have they? DD's car seat is supposed to last a child from 9 months (isn) until 12. Hmm

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/01/2016 13:46

Your not actually meant to use second hand car seats.

I believe that's only if you don't know the history (because you won't know if it's been in an accident or not). However 6 years is quite old, and I know that the foam can break down over time so is less effective in an accident.

OP, YANBU. We were given / sold lots of second-hand stuff for our baby, as my DH doesn't want to spend a fortune on stuff that she'll only use for 5 mins. But even he would draw the line at broken / unsafe stuff!

I wouldn't want to be leaning into the crib to pick up baby and have part of it collapse under my weight, potentially injuring baby, and a baby gate that doesn't keep the baby out is useless. It's not like you're asking for EVERYTHING brand new. He's being silly.

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 13:49

Pretty sure car seats have a 5 year shelf life, I think I read it on the maxi cosi website when I was trying to decide whether I should use (then 6 year old) DS's old seat for DD.

Hmm, what possible advantage could there be for maxi-cosi if they convince you that you need to buy a new car seat, that the one you already bought for them is somehow expired?

gamerchick · 28/01/2016 13:53

But you're arguing about it anyway. At least then you know that they won't be used.

HarrietSchulenberg · 28/01/2016 13:54

Have you got the budget to just get your own things anyway then cheerfully point out that you don't need this stuff?
My well-meaning MIL gave us a second hand moses basket that had belonged to her neighbour. I hated it at first as I wanted everything to be new and "ours", but I ended up using it for all 3 children and now think fondly of it. I even made sure it had a good home to be passed on to (an older lady with learning difficulties who used it for her baby dolls to sleep in Smile).

Akire · 28/01/2016 13:55

Well travel cot obviously not safe so throw out nobody else is going to use it.

Cot could be fixed if screws need tighten but they don't recommend drop side cots anymore for safety so could get out of it that way.

Get him try assembly stair gate then you have ditch it minus parts.

Get other grandparents or friend buy you car seat then oh dear we have two! Can have it back. Nothing wrong with lot second hand stuff but if not safe or concerned and money not issue. Just get new

HarrietSchulenberg · 28/01/2016 13:56

Ziggy I think the impact foam filling deteriorates over time, but tbh I still used our seats for over 10 years altogether, having checked from time to time that they weren't crumbling.

Jibberjabberjooo · 28/01/2016 13:56

I wouldn't use a six year old car seat.

Chillyegg · 28/01/2016 13:58

Well the op doesn't know the history hence why I said you shouldn't use second hand car seats.

Not sure about shelf life etc and I know many families reuse one travel system etc.

However as the op doesn't know the history of the seat and unless any of the items are hand crafted antiques made by the Armish I'd chuck them. If not in good condition

skinoncustard · 28/01/2016 14:00

We were told ( by a well known baby shop) that car seats have a 5 year shelf life as the foam breaks down , also not to store them in attics/ sheds etc as the extreme cold in winter and heat in summer causes this breakdown to occur even faster. No idea how this doesn't affect seats that go from 9months to approx 12 years. !!!!!!

wednesdaysocks · 28/01/2016 14:01

BrokenVag and ZiggyFartdust I think it was more to do with changes in the safety standards and regulations that could occur in that space of time, as it happens I broke the old one in an hormonal rage after trying to get the cover on after washing it so I had to buy a new one anyway!

BrokenVag · 28/01/2016 14:02

Mothercare? The shop that misfits over 60% of the car seats they sell? (IIRC correctly.)

A car is also subject to extremes of temperature.................

Marniasmum · 28/01/2016 14:05

If the cot is wobbly it probably just needs the screws tightening up.
If you would rather choose and buy new stuff for your baby then that is your proragative.For some peoplethis is a really important thing.We have lots of family who are desperate to offload their old junk onto us.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/01/2016 14:05

We got the new Maxicosi 2way ISOFIX base, that Maxicosi makes a BIG deal about (you can't buy it online, you have to buy it in a shop so they can demonstrate it to you / show you how to fit it).

Bought it (in person) in Toys R Us, they just handed us the box and let us walk out. Me and DH were Hmm

Eva50 · 28/01/2016 14:07

Old cots could have lead paint on then. Not suitable for teething babies.

StitchesInTime · 28/01/2016 14:07

YANBU.

There's nothing wrong with second hand stuff that's in good condition - although I'd be wary of second hand car seats and cot mattresses - but nobody needs broken second hand stuff for their baby.

Saying that babies don't move much doesn't make it okay either.
Firstly, babies move more than you might think, and they keep getting bigger and more mobile. Secondly, it's not just the baby knocking it over that you need to worry about. What if you or your DP or a visitor accidentally bumps into or leans on the travel cot / baby gate / cot and knocks it over on top of the baby? You don't need to be worrying about things collapsing on the baby every time you lean over to pick the baby up.

Has your DP's mum actually checked these things herself? It may be that she's just collected them from other family members and passed them on without checking whether they're still fit for use.