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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Broken second hand items for a baby?

48 replies

booandshoe · 28/01/2016 13:34

My partner and I are expecting our first child in Spring. It will be the third grandchild for his parents. He has accepted second hand items from his family that his mum has said will be ok to use with our baby. The worst of the second hand items are a 12 year old travel cot that isn't sturdy and actually falls over if anything leans on it, a baby gate with parts missing, a 6 year old cot that is wobbly and a 6 year old car seat.

I have tried to be polite and say "thanks but no thanks" and explain to my partner that these items are not safe for a new baby, but he thinks that because his mum says that they'll be fine then I'm being a snob by wanting new things when there's nothing wrong with the second hand things.

I'm not putting a baby in something that is not safe and I am fed up with arguing about it. I'm starting to feel like saving money is more important than our baby's safety to his side of the family.

Is it me being horrible? Or am I right to not accept any old junk for our baby? How can I deal with this?

OP posts:

AlwaysHopeful1 · 28/01/2016 14:08

Yanbu!! They give you 12yo junk and expect you to be grateful. Also you don't need to be polite to them and be all thank you's as they have a cheek dumping that pile on you!
Your dp needs a wake up. It's his first child, he needs to have a better attitude about their safety and not try to please his parents.

PragmaticWench · 28/01/2016 14:09

Would you prefer an argument with DP or a dodgy cot to collapse when your baby is asleep? It's a no brainer and if your DP doesn't see the problem, just chuck the stuff out and stand your ground!

girlywhirly · 28/01/2016 14:09

I doubt your DP's mum realised that there were parts missing and that some items were unsafe, they were probably taken apart for storage.

I wouldn't risk them either. You won't need a big cot yet, buy a preloved moses basket or crib as a temporary measure. No need for a big cot or stair gates immediately, or a travel cot unless you really need one, plenty of time to look for bargain new or preloved items. You will need a carseat from birth and I'd go for a new one.

skinoncustard · 28/01/2016 14:10

BrokenVag I wondered about the extremes of temperature in cars too.

Obviously we all want our children to be safe , but there is a lot of twaddle banded about concerning car seats, feeding machines, cots, etc etc ! It's a wonder the human race isn't extinct!
I'm sure it causes a lot of anguish and unnecessary expense.

Needaninsight · 28/01/2016 14:10

You say thank you, that's lovely, please can we use them as the 'spares' at your house. Then of course, when baby is here, you forget there are 'spares' and make sure you take your own.

We didn't have everything new. I'm thinking...cot was second hand, cost £30 but it was a fairly newish John Lewis one, lovely quality. Moses was second hand too but I washed everything. Car seat. Well...thinking the old Maxi Cosi Cabriolet everyone has. I'd be happy to use say a 1 yr old second hand one (thinking of how 'as new' condition mine was when I sold it for just £20) but not some old manky thing.

I'm afraid this could be the start of how things are going to be! I don't talk to my PILS now at all (long long story) but when we were talking, pre baby no1 arriving, MIL used to shove no end of crap my way. I found it incredibly stressful and undermining if I'm honest. Just try not to argue with DH about it. Say thank you, then get rid.

ZiggyFartdust · 28/01/2016 14:12

I think it was more to do with changes in the safety standards and regulations that could occur in that space of time

There hasn't been any in five years.

lucy101101 · 28/01/2016 14:14

PragmaticWench says it all - obviously you just throw out or refuse anything that isn't safe.

My mother tried to persuade me to use the cot I slept in... 44 years ago... with the same mattress... which was made of horsehair, had been used for numerous children since I slept in it, was well used when my mother bought it and has been stored in a dusty attic for the last 20 years. It probably dates from the 50's/60's.

I obviously refused her offer.

You need to start as you mean to carry on.

Unfortunately you have a DH problem not a "broken second hand items" problem...

Sonotkylie · 28/01/2016 14:15

Can you ask him to talk to your midwife or health visitor about it, making sure your safety concerns are raised? Or see whether they have any sensible leaflets. You need to be able to knock this on the head before everyone gets stressed. Good luck with it all.

specialsubject · 28/01/2016 14:17

lead paint went out in the 1970s. The cot isn't that old.

but there's a difference between second-hand and broken. Broken stuff needs to be fixed or disposed of. Is your partner not capable of understanding the difference?

if you can be bothered, show him the second-hand baby stuff on ebay. That won't be broken.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 28/01/2016 14:18

I've no problem with second hand items for a baby but from your op it sounds as though she's given you a load of rickety old scap worthy of the council tip.
But.
Like a pp said, maybe the cot just needs the screws tightening.
Personally I would never use a second hand car seat for my DC though.

Quietlifenotonyournelly · 28/01/2016 14:19

*scrap

goodnightdarthvader1 · 28/01/2016 14:25

There hasn't been any in five years.

Actually, I think i-Size would count as a new regulation, even though it isn;t mandatory yet.

But I agree that "making more moneyz" is a contributing factor to this line of thinking. I think that the thing about foam degrading is true, though.

CocktailQueen · 28/01/2016 14:29

Show him this thread! If something is second hand but can be cleaned (wood or plastic) I think that's OK.

I'd prefer new car seats.

New cot mattresses are a must.

But second hand broken things with parts missing or unsafe? Bin them.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 28/01/2016 14:33

I agree that you have a bit of a MIL and DH problem combined. You might be able to get fixings for the stair gate if it's a fairly recent make but I wouldn't use a travel cot that falls over and I wouldn't use an old car seat.

I'd be keen to look up spare parts for the stair gate providing it's in good condition and it's only missing hinge bits. These are usually fairly cheap to buy via the manufacturers website (and in fact I bought a complete set of new fixings for our old stair gate). It then seems that you're not just dismissing everything but looking for a solution to the missing parts. If not available, then clearly you can't use it if you can't fix it to the wall.

We have a cot in the family that is over 100 years old. It's been stripped (to ensure no lead paint) and waxed. I wouldn't use it if it was painted with old paint though. Of course the bars are wider than today's regulation but it's perfectly safe and well made. I'd suggest to your DP that he might like to renovate the old cot, strip the paint and wax it, and sort the wobble out. If he doesn't sort it out before the baby comes, then simply buy one and have it delivered Again, you're not dismissing the cot out of hand.

The car seat would be a no as the iSize rules are that babies should be rear facing for 18mo at least. We used our old maxi cosi cabriofix with DS to start with but have had to buy another rear facing one as he's too heavy for it now and we don't want him forward facing yet. If you're going to have to buy a follow on rear facing car seat anyway, you would obviously buy and use it from birth. So even if it might be safe to use even though it's 6yo and you (presumably) know the history, iSize would be the perfect reason to buy new anyway.

Isthiscorrect · 28/01/2016 14:37

Reluctantly agree. Set everything up early in anticipation because you are so excited having appropriated another one or two bits so they don't work and then encourage mother in law to look in Crib, as she bends down it falls apart. Same old with the gate at which point, we can't take any risks with the car seat.
Good luck.

MintyBojingles · 28/01/2016 14:47

also not to store them in attics/ sheds etc as the extreme cold in winter and heat in summer causes this breakdown to occur even faster.

Totally unlike the nice stable warm conditions of a car then?

VimFuego101 · 28/01/2016 14:50

Do you have a HV/midwife? show them to her and let her talk to your partner.

pookamoo · 28/01/2016 14:52

Put them at her house for when the baby is "visiting granny" ?

Woodenmouse · 28/01/2016 14:56

Yanbu your baby's safety is more important than saving money!
My PIL are aweful at this, they have no money but still want to "treat" our ds. They buy things from auctions and we have to bin it because it's junk. The worst were baby monitors with no power lead so they didn't work, a mouldy baby walker who's fabric was literally black and stank and a baby bath which stank of smoke- I didn't even know plastic could absorb the smell of smoke!!) We are greatful for gifts but you can't use crap for babies and it's not fair to be expected to!!

cornishglos · 28/01/2016 14:56

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

toomuchtooold · 28/01/2016 15:31

Cots are about the worst thing to pass on, specially the smaller ones. You need to get a new mattress, which might not be standard, and all your bedding needs to fit to it - it's a pain in the bum. You can get an Ikea Sniglar cot with mattress and bedding for about 70 quid. Why would anyone bother?

specialsubject · 28/01/2016 15:33

no need to chuck tatty clothes in landfill. Bag them and take to fabric recycling when you are next passing. Or tell the relatives to do it!

Charley50 · 28/01/2016 15:36

When I was expecting my DS someone from work offered to give me some of their used baby stuff. When we picked it up it up loads of it was horrible and dirty; e.g. an absolutely filthy pushchair. I took it home and threw it away straightaway. I was embarrassed that I took them and embarrassed for her that she thought I would want stuff in that state. I love a second-hand item but these things were rank.

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