AIBU to focus on what he doesn't do rather than what he does do?

[Joolsy]

My OH is not particularly 'hands on' with out LOs (12 and 6). He never really plays with them, might play the odd game here & there, does a bit of reading with DD2 and reads her a bedtime story sometimes. He does chat with them alot though and is interested in what they've been doing at school etc. This gets my goat however as it's usually down to me to think of things to do with them, think of places to go etc, although he will come along too. He tends to sit around on the sofa rather than engage with them, or if he does, it's on his terms. However, he is very hard working, very generous (pays all the bills plus most other stuff) and I trust him 100%. Should I focus on what he does well and stop giving him a hard time about what he doesn't do? I can't actually remember either of my parents playing with me much but I always felt loved

... little phrases like this in the OP it's on his terms ... to me they suggest he's not all that wonderful in the way he communicates with the OP about things.
He does stuff, no one is denying that.
He pays for stuff, no one is denying that.
But it's on 'his terms' he's the boss because he pays the bills for his little woman so that makes it OK to be the boss, and she's a nag.

There just seem to be clues in her phrasing about his communication and attitude to this.

I wonder what would happen if this was moved to feminism or relationships? There are just these 'clues' littered through it that it appears wonderful and he does stuff, but what she says is being ignored. The 'felt loved' bit too...

Highsteaks I also meant generally on news sites and blogs. OK, Huffpost and other clicky stuff plus quite a few (credible I hasten to add) psychology/family sites I follow for work - it is something 'trending' now all over in a vague sort of way.

There are clues but the OP hasn't come back to clarify.

I wonder what would happen if this was moved to feminism or relationships?

Not sure and don't care. Are you saying other boards have posters whose opinions matter more.

Dh doesn't do the washing, I sometime feel a bit resentful. Then remind myself he does all the shopping and cooking and I don't fancy doing that.

I am sure sometimes dh thinks I have it easier. Sometimes I do. Sometimes he does.

I don't focus on the fact that he doesn't do the washing.

Katenka Searching posting history is normal practice if the poster is unfamiliar and posting something that could be seen as stirring up.

It's considered poor form

Not sure and don't care. Are you saying other boards have posters whose opinions matter more.

No I'm saying that depending on the board, the thread would have focused on very different things: AIBU is 'reasonableness' and emotional/opinion quick answers, feminism would probably be heavy on the just-because-he-earns-doesn't-mean-everything-is-on-his-terms and relationships would probably focus on communication.
They're open forums, so I'm not saying posters are 'better' on one!? I'm merely throwing it out there, depending on what is the focus when reading, different things stand out as important.

It's considered poor form
Not for 1 line, provocative statements of that nature given recent MN history. Whenever one appears on longer threads various people tend to check. Opinion on whether it's poor form is far from universal and never has been that clear cut.

Opinion on whether it's poor form is far from universal and never has been that clear cut.

Seems mn agreed with my 'opinion'.

I simply do not see how any posters can be so sure of a stance given so little info from op and not clarification.

The OP hasn't said that she is desperate to do some diy or never gets anytime to herself because her dh doesn't think she needs it.

She hasn't said she wishes he would do the washing rather than the diy.

She and asking about what he does with the kids. Imo what he does with kids is fine as long as his relationship with the kids is ok in general.

Weekends do not have to fun packed and going out all the time. A 12 and 6 year old doesn't need entertaining.

It seems to me that the OP and her dh have a difference in how they parent. The question is 'Aibu to focus on what he doesn't do, rather than what he does'

It's my opinion that if we all focused on other peoples weaknesses and not take into account their strengths, then everybody would be found lacking.

If the relationship between the OP and her dh and their kids is good. Focusing on what someone isn't doing isn't healthy.